i need to learn when to shut up. i let my mouth run away with me again. i knew i should have stopped but i carried on i was telling myself to stop but i just kept going. I have now lost the only person who lives near me who i had any kind of support from. Well done emma...well fucking done...You're a stupid idiot. So now you are even more alone. Why do i have to screw up everything. As soon as anything is going ok. i just destroy it. I think i am scared that it won't last and feel that i don't deserve...

Wow! I can't believe I never cut today... I was in ENglish and this girl took the blade from her pencil sharpener... then this guy took it and pretended to cut... I couldn't focus for ageeeees.. Just replaying in my head the blade across the arm... imagining the blood oozing from the cut... It's so tempting to just get my blade and slice open... But I won't... because I know I can't...