You know when you just don't want to go to sleep?

I don't want it to be tomorrow. I don't want my exams to be any closer. And I'm sick of trying to be strong.

I want to stay in bed all day. I want to curl up and hide from the world. I want to disappear.

I was feeling ill this morning (I still am) and my boyfriend said he'd look after me. But he didn't. He said he felt fine, it was my turn to be looked after, blah blah blah. And then we argued all day...

I just want to go and leave all this pain behind.. my boyfriend made it quite clear about what he thinks of my personality sometimes, apparantly i am too nice to people and it makes him feel uncomfortable and inscure. I don't know what he wants out of me anymore, he wants to leave this place, start again and be together...he knows i want to finish education and be a doctor, but apparantly i'm being selfish. It is okay for him to tell me how to live my life and he really lets me know what he thinks...

I haven't posted here in a while.

But I'm gonna post again, because Pete said I should keep posting here if it helped me.

I've been having really random mood swings. Like, I'll be lovely and happy and then one tiny trigger, something minor goes wrong or someone says something and I take it the wrong way and my mood drops.

And then I get violent. I attacked J the other day. Amazingly, he still loves me. We've been together a year now. A whole year....