From today until after New Year's, I am going to be so busy. My best friend came home from college for Christmas (she went out of state very far away), and now that she's back from visiting family in another state I'll be spending her last few days home with her. Today I have to pack my stuff and get ready to go. Then, as soon as I come home, I have to get ready again for Jon to come pick me up and whisk me away to spend New Year's together. I'll be spending the night at his house on New Year's...

You're stupid and pathetic and everyone would be better without you Charli. All you ever do is ruin everything for everyone, your family and "friends" remind you enough. No one would notice if you dissapeared and most definitely wouldn't care. There's no point anymore, no point to anything especially when you're not wanted..

i need to cut.
I cant cut.
what can i do?
my brain is driving me mental.
I need a way out
please
help me.

Our car broke down, and we got stranded at a guy from my schools house. It was awkwardly fun... ish. He made me smile for the first time in a while. Like, in a friendly way. it was good, i guess

Source: Notice | Taking Control Of Your Life Resource Pack.

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What is a 'Spotlight'? Spotlights are a...

I'll start with Christmas first. It was cool, any other day. I got the clothes I wanted, a lava lamp, season 1 of Law & Order: SVU, Sims, and books. So basically besides family time I was reading Tilt by Ellen Hopkins (Finished it!) and playing Sims all day. It was awesome. And my sister liked the gift I got her. We even got gifts for my niece even though technically she's not here yet. Expect another blog entry when she arrives, and maybe a forum post.

But Christmas Eve? Yesterday...

Was yesterday. Haha, yup, I live in the future for most of you :P

It was a pretty good day. I got up, had a shower, then left for Mum's place. Got off the bus, and got drenched walking from the bus stop to Mum's, to the point that even though my hair is really short, it was literally dripping down on my face.

Got there, PRESENTS! Haha. I asked for chocolate . . . I got . . .
A lava-lamp from my sister (so cool, I've always wanted one but forgot . . . she remembered)....

I want to die. Right now.
I dont fit in
I cant live like this!

I complain about horrendous period pain (it really is, it practically cripples me), and decide I will go to the doctor to get something to help, as regular painkillers just make me hurl, and then, when my period finishes, I completely forget, until I get the next one. And right now I'm laughing at that ridiculous run-on sentence.

On the bright side, I knew it was due around Christmas and I asked everybody for chocolate. The result is that I should be able to handle the sweet food...

After more than two years, it shouldn't affect me anymore. There should be no nostalgia and no regret, because I know so fully that I'm better off without her. I was going through old photos tonight, photos of the two of us. I thought I looked fit, attractive, and well adjusted. I thought SHE looked overweight with bad skin and a slutty dress sense.

I started to question why I still stayed with her, even after she cheated. And I remembered having NO self-esteem whilst I was with her,...