I'm sorry about how worried I am about myself, how often I have thought about ODing or jumping. God, I get nervous with how deep I want to go when I cut, and how deep I WOULD go if my parents wouldn't catch me.
What sucks is I'm scared of how much of this I'll actually go through when I'm 18 but it scares me just to have those thoughts. Hopefully my therapy will take care of this before I hit 18.

And now on to the sappy shit. Only one person will actually know what I'm talking...

Well, I looked online again and there still aren't any jobs in my little country town, but there are a lot of openings in the city about 35-40 minutes away. Mom was trying to make me get a job here, but I think she's finally realized that there are none. There are 16 openings at the Micheal's in town, so I'm going to give it a shot when we make our next trip to the city! I really hope I can get a job there. I hope I can get a job anywhere, actually.

Jon called me yesterday, he was...

Easy to fall, easy to break

Rough couple of weeks. I've felt so on edge. My mum went through my room on Saturday. Found blades and took them, found a knife with blood I didn't know about, read my diary. Got herself worked up over nothing. It's still been 6 months, and the diary entries were from last year.
Some asshole's decided to start sending me rude messages anonymously. I don't know why it's bothering me so much. What did I do wrong? Why send me something that's just...

I just can't. I can't get all my work done. I can't eat normally. I can't have normal relationships. I'm sick of living like this. I'm sick of feeling like this. I just want to die.

Just let me go, please.

I was at the mall with my friend today (who will probably end up seeing this) and we were standing outside in between the parking garage and JC Penney's. We somehow got on the topic of falling off of the height, and I couldn't help but wonder if it would kill you. I always stared at the ground, slightly scared of heights, but at the same time I have thought of jumping off of the top level of the parking garage or other height at the mall, but I don't know if it would kill me or just leave me paralyzed...

Gah. Mum's on at me to eat. I'm not hungry.
Looks like the past week has reversed on me. I'm now repulsed at the thought of food instead of being hungry all the time.
My godmother's coming over later. And if she tries to talk to me about what happened with the counsellor then I'm leaving. I can't talk about that shit and they don't seem to get it.
Yes I'm fine. Yes I promise. No I won't do anything. Yes I'll talk to you if I do or if I want to. Yes I promise I will. I love...

Source: Notice | Facilitated Chat Room Discussions.


There are three scheduled discussions on the topic of handling negative emotions in the Chat Room for users to seek advice and share thoughts and ideas! The first discussion will be held at 8pm UK time (GMT/UTC), the second will be held at 8pm Eastern US time (EST), and the third will be held at 8pm Pacific US time (PST)....

Struggling to think straight. Struggling to breathe.
I've been so on edge since last night and it's scary. I keep imagining dark shapes out of the corner of my eye. Keep seeing my door move and then I look up and it's perfectly still. I jump at the slightest noise and just can't relax or feel comfortable. Last time I felt this way I just cut up my arms and legs a bit until I was calm enough to settle down and sleep.
I haven't been scared of the dark for 2 years now. I've been able...

I had such a horrible day!
In the sixth form meeting we had to talk about safe driving and had to watch a video about a teenage girl that has a car crash, killing her two best friends and two people in the other car who were the parents of two young children. It was really graphic and you saw the whole crash but that wasn't even the bit that hit me the most, it was all the family reactions and the baby crying for her mom who was dead in the front.
I know that it does make us think...