Merp. (Mild trig?)

Work is literally killing me but I'm not going to quit or anything like that. I've made too much progress in my job to just blow it all now. But my week pretty much consists of me going to work, going home and taking a nap, waking up for dinner and a shower, then going back to bed for the night. Then my weekends are basically me sleeping in. I'm so tired of being exhausted.

I can't tell if work is bringing out my depression even worse, or if it's just making me tired or what. While I do have moments of laughing or feeling happy about something at work, a lot of my time is just spent waiting for the day to be done so I can go home and sleep. I don't normally feel happy, or even just neutral, being there.

I've self harmed at work a few times too. Every day I always want to but on most days I'm able to resist.

Today is a Saturday and I spent like every part of it before 3 PM in bed. My mom called to tell me that my niece was here but I still refused to get out of bed to see her. Honestly I'm probably going to crawl back into bed after I finish writing this blog unless it's time to go grocery shopping.

I'm getting so fat. Gaining such a considerable amount of weight that it is now noticeable. My stretch marks are darkening and nothing's fitting right and I just feel so bad that I've cried while talking about it or thinking about it.

I don't know how I am right now. Well, right at this moment I'm neutral I guess but.

A few days ago while my dad was driving us to work a truck almost hit us. The impact would have been on my side of the vehicle. Not a big rig, just a normal person truck. Of course I got scared and braced for impact, but afterwards I couldn't help but think about how much shit I'd have been able to get out of if it hit me.