Updates. Trig in spots?

I've been this tired, grumpy mess of a person lately who has lost a lot of enjoyment in things. I've had a lot of baseline sad lately, meaning that instead of being neutral when nothing's going on, I'm just sad or tired. I'm in bed a lot of the time at home and at school I just wish I could take a nap. But I'm muddling by.

I wish this feeling would go away though. Last night I got inducted into the Golden Key International Honor Society. It should have been happy but I was so grumpy the entire time.

I saw my APRN today. She thought my stretch marks were new cuts on my arms. I was like "No, I'm just fat."
She's like "You're not fat."
So I'm like, "Okay, I'm overweight then?"
I AM overweight and no amount of "You're not fat" can change that.

She wanted to set me up with someone in my town to see over the summer and I was like "That ain't gonna happen." I explained that I have to pay twenty to thirty PERCENT of medical bills with how my insurance works, and that'd mean my parents would get a bill.
She was like, "Don't you have the school's insurance?"
So I was like, "Why would I want that crap insurance that doesn't cover anything when I already have my own?"
She said apparently it has good psychiatric services. But what's the point of buying a plan of over a thousand dollars per semester just to get psychiatric help? I can't afford that. I DO get extra financial aid through the school but I spend that on the textbooks I need, so I can't afford to spend it on insurance when I already have some.

Since I can't get to campus over the summer to get checked on she was reluctant to change my meds. So she didn't do anything with my Effexor and put me on something called Buspirone (BuSpar) instead. I guess it's supposed to help the Effexor work?

She also said that a failed use for the Buspirone was to be sort of a female Viagra. She said it probably won't happen, but if I randomly get hornier it's the meds. I sure the hell hope not because I've been content with having little to no sex drive.

She also said that the Buspirone can cause drowsiness so I gave her this "wtf" look because I'm already so tired and she basically said that if I'm already so tired because of depression it should help lessen that.

So she wants me to start out with taking it just at night and then take one in the morning and one at night.

I just want these meds to work. I haven't even had that many med changes but I'm already tired of it and I'm tired of feeling shitty no matter what I do.

It's still up in the air what I'm doing this summer and I'm just like ughgh. If I don't get the job I applied for I'll probably be depressed all summer.