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*trig* The Night Has Come, and it's Going to be Bad.
Posted June 10th 2012 at 04:42 AM by escape♥
I wait all day for the nighttime to come, and then it does, and slaps me in the face.
Mother fucker. -.-
I was struggling today, but managed to do okay. The minute the night hits, like I was waiting for, I loose control. It's so bad right now, I don't think its ever been this bad.
The urges. God the urges. I'm so close to slicing into this vein on my wrist that I can feel with 2 fingers. The blood, the warm, beautiful blood, would run down my arm, into the sink . Of course then I'd have to hide it, or tell my parents. But god. It is SO worth it.
But I'm not going to. I wish I would just do it. But I won't.
I also am having extreme eating disorder urges right now. Stupid bastard. -.- yeah i'm fat. No, i won't go puke my guts up, even though i really want to.
My soul is slowly turning black. I'm not depressed, i'm extremely angry. the sadness, has morphed into anger. if somebody was to talk to me right now, I might beat the shit out of the wall next to them.
If i had some balls, i would probably kill myself tonight. I really want to, but for 2 reasons won't. 1: don't know how, since i don't think there is any dangorous meds around. 2: my family & boyfriend would be devestated. Probably relieved too, but i don't know.
God. Shoot me now. Quite literally. I don't think this "9 days self-harm free" is going to last much longer. But, i'm just going to sleep these urges off tonight. assuming i don't have insomnia tonight.
I need a therapist. But i just want this pain to end, is that so hard to ask?
Total Comments 2
Comments
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Hang in there! My friend has an eating disorder (I almost did) its hard to tell your brain to shut up. As for insomnia I'll be on most of tonight (it's about 12 here) so if you need someone to talk to I'm here
and as for wanting to cut yourself, try doing something else like punching a pillow over and over and over :P or (this might sound silly) pretend you did. Anyways if you need anything I'm herePosted June 10th 2012 at 04:55 AM by Agony
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Thanks for all the help It was about 12 here too, but i went to sleep. /:Posted June 10th 2012 at 01:07 PM by escape♥
