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Rampant Thoughts in the Unforgiving Darkness
Old

hurting myself is my addiction. *poss trig*

Posted October 10th 2012 at 02:34 AM by escape♥

Hurting myself is my addicition, like any other one. Iíve never done drugs, or drank alcohol or anything like that, but I still canít stop hurting myself. If itís not my eating disorder, then its cutting, depression, or itís something else entirely. Not giving a shit about life, pushing the people I love away, isolation, whatever, I just canít stop harming myself in one way or another. Itís been this way as long as I can rememberÖI literally HATE myself. Yes, hate is a strong word, and I mean almost...
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Old

picking up the pieces. *poss trig?*

Posted October 7th 2012 at 01:00 PM by escape♥
Updated October 7th 2012 at 01:27 PM by escape♥



E & I fought for the first time last night. At first it was just a stupid habit of mine that was annoying him, but it quickly morphed into something worse. He told me that my sadness is hurting him, and our relationship. Iíve been asking about whether or not it was bothering him recently, and he always denied being in any emotional pain what so ever. When I asked what had changed, he said...
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Views 108 Comments 1 escape♥ is offline
Old

I miss it...*triggering*

Posted September 24th 2012 at 10:22 PM by escape♥


I miss having multiple, multiple reasons to laugh and smile every day, I miss seeing your face, your eyes, every single day. I miss feeling your hand in mine, I miss being happy to be alive in the morning, I miss not lying when I said ďIím doing greatĒ or ďIím fineĒ. I miss feeling loved, I miss everything.
I miss being in a good place. I miss not wanting to cut through my skin, day in and day out. I miss being h a p...
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Views 109 Comments 1 escape♥ is offline
Old

I just can't take it. *strong lang* *trig*

Posted September 13th 2012 at 03:19 AM by escape♥
Updated September 13th 2012 at 03:26 AM by escape♥

I'm am so stressed out. Its only the 3rd week of school, and already I'm feeling like I'm losing my mind rather quickly. Every. Single. Day. is a fucking struggle. A struggle to try and stay positive, a struggle to not act out any SH or ED urges, a struggle to get through school material, just a fucking struggle. For everything. It feels like nothing is going to be easy, ever again.

I thought I could trust that my relationship with E would be the one easy thing in my life, but even...
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Old

nope. *trig*

Posted September 8th 2012 at 02:04 AM by escape♥

I don't want to do this anymore.
I want to crawl back to ED, and back to the blade and beg for forgiveness. I want to feel the sting and burning of my flesh being sliced open. I want to feel the low hum and diziziness of hunger.
I want this to end. I don't want to be here anymore. I don't want to struggle anymore. I'm done.
Just kill me off, and end my pain & suffering.
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Happiness is waiting for you<3
Views 83 Comments 1 escape♥ is offline
Old

I told you to be fine. *triggering*

Posted August 18th 2012 at 08:59 PM by escape♥

Come on skinny love, just last the year.

I slipped up. Sliced my thighs open. It was almost 2 months.
Pour a little salt, we were never here.

I'm scared. The thoughts and urges have never been this bad. E is supposed to come over tomorrow to celebrate my birtday, and he said he's going to take and destroy my blade. I don't know what I'll do with out it.
My my my- my my my- my my my.
Staring at the sink of blood and crushed veneer.

...
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Views 69 Comments 1 escape♥ is offline
Old

Why? *trig*

Posted August 9th 2012 at 03:13 AM by escape♥
Tags death

Why do I even keep posting? Nobody ever comments, nobody cares..
I want to be able to say:
"Goodbye world, I'm never coming back."

But I can't....








So I wait. I don't know what for, I just wait.
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Views 51 Comments 4 escape♥ is offline
Old

Enough. *trig*

Posted August 8th 2012 at 02:56 AM by escape♥
Updated August 8th 2012 at 03:26 AM by escape♥



I'm so done. I'm trying, and fighting everything with my whole exsistence, and it's never enough. Never fighting strong enough, never good enough, thin enough, deep enough. Never enough.
The self-hatred is growing in me like a cancer. Raging like a bull, getting more and more intense every day.
I would do anything to be thin. And I mean literally anything. You name
...
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Views 63 Comments 0 escape♥ is offline
Old

What the eff...[triggering] *Strong Language*

Posted July 24th 2012 at 05:56 PM by escape♥



Erghhh. What the HELL did I just do?!!?! I was doing so well. No calories all day..and then. My mom decides to pick up fast food for us and my sick aunt. And my stupid fucking weak self decided to eat.
Sighhh. I know I need it.
Food is Life.
But who care's about living if your fat?

So. Much. GUILT.
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Views 71 Comments 1 escape♥ is offline
Old

I'm not okay. [triggering]

Posted July 24th 2012 at 03:17 PM by escape♥
Updated July 24th 2012 at 03:25 PM by escape♥


I don't know how to put into words how I feel. I don't know how to blog about how I'm slowly slipping back into my old ways, into the darkness. I don't know how to tell you that I want to die. I want to never wake up.

I don't know how to tell you that I'm starving again. I don't need food if I'm a fat ass.
I could go into this long rant about my self-hatred and what not,
...
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Views 73 Comments 0 escape♥ is offline


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