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Enough. *trig*
Tags eating disorder, pain, self-harm, suicide, thin
I'm so done. I'm trying, and fighting everything with my whole exsistence, and it's never enough. Never fighting strong enough, never good enough, thin enough, deep enough. Never enough.
The self-hatred is growing in me like a cancer. Raging like a bull, getting more and more intense every day.
I would do anything to be thin. And I mean literally anything. You name it, I would do it.
To feel beautiful. To have one day to see what everyone else see's, to not constantly be in pain.
I would rather die, than live in this life anymore.
Sure, my parents and brother would be crushed. Sure, my boyfriend would be devastated.
My parents would get over it. Slowly, at first. And then they would realize how much of a burden I am. How much easier it is to live, without me there.
My boyfriend would find somebody else. Somebody who is not insecure about themselves, somebody who isn't constantly telling him about the thoughts, the urges, the starving, binging and purging.
The self-hatred is growing in me like a cancer. Raging like a bull, getting more and more intense every day.
I would do anything to be thin. And I mean literally anything. You name it, I would do it.
To feel beautiful. To have one day to see what everyone else see's, to not constantly be in pain.
I would rather die, than live in this life anymore.
Sure, my parents and brother would be crushed. Sure, my boyfriend would be devastated.
My parents would get over it. Slowly, at first. And then they would realize how much of a burden I am. How much easier it is to live, without me there.
My boyfriend would find somebody else. Somebody who is not insecure about themselves, somebody who isn't constantly telling him about the thoughts, the urges, the starving, binging and purging.
The pain would disappear. Forever in peace.
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