TeenHelp - escape♥

momentary rant. trig?

Posted February 10th 2013 at 10:55 PM by escape♥

I have so much homework and I dont know how to do most of it & I have like no motivation to do anything or move or get up or anything.

I just want to sit here & cry.

I feels so fat & disgusting I want to feel beautiful & pretty, I want to loose weight so bad but I have to eat dinner soon & I really don't want to go back to my ED life..

I'm so tired & I have a headache & I really just need some motivation & LOADS of positivity...

escape♥

Happiness is waiting for you<3

Posted in Uncategorized

Views 1155 Comments 1 escape♥ is offline

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It's been awhile. trig

Posted January 25th 2013 at 02:53 AM by escape♥

Tags break up, depression, eating disorder, life, lonely, long time, negative, pictures, positive, self harm, suicidal, update

Wow, TeenHelp. It’s been quite some time since I last posted here, and my life as changed in all sorts of ways.

Well, let’s with the positive then. I started learning to drive around Christmas time, got my permit & everything. I got my braces off in November, and plans for me to get a car before/on my 16th birthday are in place…uh yeah. I can’t think of much positive at the moment. :c

...

escape♥

Happiness is waiting for you<3

Posted in Uncategorized

Views 986 Comments 0 escape♥ is offline

hurting myself is my addiction. poss trig

Posted October 10th 2012 at 02:34 AM by escape♥

Tags boyfriend, cutting, eating disorder, self harm, self hatred

Hurting myself is my addicition, like any other one. I’ve never done drugs, or drank alcohol or anything like that, but I still can’t stop hurting myself. If it’s not my eating disorder, then its cutting, depression, or it’s something else entirely. Not giving a shit about life, pushing the people I love away, isolation, whatever, I just can’t stop harming myself in one way or another. It’s been this way as long as I can remember…I literally HATE myself. Yes, hate is a strong word, and I mean almost...

escape♥

Happiness is waiting for you<3

Posted in Rampant Thoughts in the Unforgiving Darkness

Views 1114 Comments 0 escape♥ is offline

picking up the pieces. poss trig?

Posted October 7th 2012 at 01:00 PM by escape♥
Updated October 7th 2012 at 01:27 PM by escape♥

Tags almost breakup, boyfriend, crying, cutting, distant, low, sad, self-harm, struggling, tired

E & I fought for the first time last night. At first it was just a stupid habit of mine that was annoying him, but it quickly morphed into something worse. He told me that my sadness is hurting him, and our relationship. I’ve been asking about whether or not it was bothering him recently, and he always denied being in any emotional pain what so ever. When I asked what had changed, he said...

escape♥

Happiness is waiting for you<3

Posted in Rampant Thoughts in the Unforgiving Darkness

Views 1684 Comments 1 escape♥ is offline

I miss it...triggering

Posted September 24th 2012 at 10:22 PM by escape♥

Tags boyfriend, happiness, love, missing, past, self-harm, therapy

I miss having multiple, multiple reasons to laugh and smile every day, I miss seeing your face, your eyes, every single day. I miss feeling your hand in mine, I miss being happy to be alive in the morning, I miss not lying when I said “I’m doing great” or “I’m fine”. I miss feeling loved, I miss everything.

I miss being in a good place. I miss not wanting to cut through my skin, day in and day out. I miss being h a p...

escape♥

Happiness is waiting for you<3

Posted in Rampant Thoughts in the Unforgiving Darkness

Views 1320 Comments 1 escape♥ is offline

I just can't take it. strong lang trig

Posted September 13th 2012 at 03:19 AM by escape♥
Updated September 13th 2012 at 03:26 AM by escape♥

Tags anxiety, boyfriend, eating disorder, friends, school, self-harm, stress, tired

I'm am so stressed out. Its only the 3rd week of school, and already I'm feeling like I'm losing my mind rather quickly. Every. Single. Day. is a fucking struggle. A struggle to try and stay positive, a struggle to not act out any SH or ED urges, a struggle to get through school material, just a fucking struggle. For everything. It feels like nothing is going to be easy, ever again.

I thought I could trust that my relationship with E would be the one easy thing in my life, but even...

escape♥

Happiness is waiting for you<3

Posted in Rampant Thoughts in the Unforgiving Darkness

Views 828 Comments 0 escape♥ is offline

nope. trig

Posted September 8th 2012 at 02:04 AM by escape♥

Tags dead, eating disorder, pain, self-harm, suicidal

I don't want to do this anymore.
I want to crawl back to ED, and back to the blade and beg for forgiveness. I want to feel the sting and burning of my flesh being sliced open. I want to feel the low hum and diziziness of hunger.
I want this to end. I don't want to be here anymore. I don't want to struggle anymore. I'm done.
Just kill me off, and end my pain & suffering.

escape♥

Happiness is waiting for you<3

Posted in Rampant Thoughts in the Unforgiving Darkness

Views 988 Comments 1 escape♥ is offline

Happiness...trig

Posted September 3rd 2012 at 03:58 PM by escape♥

Tags anxiety, depression, eating disorder, happy, past, recovery, self harm, struggling

I want to be able to say I'm happy, and actually mean it. I want to be able to eat a piece of cake, without crying or purging or anything else. I want to not keep finding ways to hurt myself. I slipped up, again. Found another blade, sliced my wrist open. It felt so..amazing. And yet I'm so ashamed. I can't stop wanting to hurt myself. I can't help that I just want to stop breathing, but I don't want to leave E.

I told E that I've only been half-ass trying to recover. I promised I...

escape♥

Happiness is waiting for you<3

Posted in Uncategorized

Views 1079 Comments 1 escape♥ is offline

Arghhh, school. TRIGGERING strong lang

Posted August 26th 2012 at 10:55 PM by escape♥

Tags anxiety, couple, crying, love, school, self harm, worried

School starts tomorrow. Somebody shoot me now.

I don't know what I'm going to do, how I'm going to hold up. Between all the hard classes, driving school, and a new "excersize plan" I don't know if I'll have time to breath.

E is being optimistic. We met at my old highschool last year, and now I'm moving to a new highschool, (it's a "magnet...

escape♥

Happiness is waiting for you<3

Posted in Uncategorized

Views 812 Comments 2 escape♥ is offline

I told you to be fine. triggering

Posted August 18th 2012 at 08:59 PM by escape♥

Tags eating disorder, self harm, self hatred, skinny love, struggling, suicide

Come on skinny love, just last the year.

I slipped up. Sliced my thighs open. It was almost 2 months.

Pour a little salt, we were never here.

I'm scared. The thoughts and urges have never been this bad. E is supposed to come over tomorrow to celebrate my birtday, and he said he's going to take and destroy my blade. I don't know what I'll do with out it.

My my my- my my my- my my my.
Staring at the sink of blood and crushed veneer.

...

escape♥

Happiness is waiting for you<3

Posted in Rampant Thoughts in the Unforgiving Darkness

Views 912 Comments 1 escape♥ is offline