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Arghhh, school. *TRIGGERING* *strong lang*

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Posted August 26th 2012 at 10:55 PM by escape♥




School starts tomorrow. Somebody shoot me now.

I don't know what I'm going to do, how I'm going to hold up. Between all the hard classes, driving school, and a new "excersize plan" I don't know if I'll have time to breath.

E is being optimistic. We met at my old highschool last year, and now I'm moving to a new highschool, (it's a "magnet school")(basically a better school you have to apply to)
I would never have even applied if we were already dating. But we weren't and now I have to go. He is my rock, my bestfriend, my boyfriend, the love of my life. Last year, we spend almost every breathing second together, even though we're 2 grades apart, and had no classes together. Yes, we made it the summer only seeing each other every few weeks...but I still need him.
I miss him, his presence, his laugh, his hand in mine. We talk on the phone at night and text during the day but it's not the same.

Yeah, I'm super mega lucky I even found him, that he even likes a disgusting piece of shit like me. But I still crave more time with him.
He keeps saying he's optimisic about us hanging out, and that he loves me and school can't change that..but I'm worried we'll grow apart or something.
I mean, I'm only 15 and odds are I won't marry him but it sure does feel like it.

I fell really hard for him. It's pathetic, really. LOL.

I'm just a worrying freak. If I could just BREATHE it would probably be okay..but I hate the thought of being away from him and my good friends...

Every time I think about it I start crying, and if he hadn't taken my blade, I would probably have already cut multiple times. I just...need the pain.

He supports me..he loves me. I STILL can't wrap my head around it, and it's been 5 and a half months.
I guess I'll have to get through this alone..all alone. He's always like "But I'm here for you baby, I love you." And those words..just make me breakdown in tears..because I never thought ANYONE could possibly love me, that anyone would be there for me when I'm struggling through a meal, or something else..and that I would find somebody I actually love back..yeah he's got his own problems, but I embrace and accept them, because they're part of who he is.
*sighhhh* It'll be okay, eventually. Just get through tomorrow, and you'll be okay. Breathe paula, breathe.

Sorry for this lovey mushy rant.
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Comments

  1. Old Comment
    Samwise's Avatar
    That was a lovely mushy rant!

    Rants are good, gets things off your mind.

    Hope you're doing ok and good luck with your new school.

    Stay strong <3
    -Sam
    permalink
    Posted August 28th 2012 at 08:19 PM by Samwise Samwise is offline
  2. Old Comment
    keri12712's Avatar
    This made me think I was readying a book, that i wish never ended,

    Stay Stong with all, Just keep that love going even if your apart, true love never fades<3
    permalink
    Posted September 3rd 2012 at 05:13 AM by keri12712 keri12712 is offline
 
 
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