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*trig (ED)* Dying to be thinnest.
Tags eating disorder, recovery, self loathing, thin
Yesterday, I had therapy. I really needed it, the voice was screaming at me, constantly.
"Your not good enough! Get off your fat ass and loose some weight! As long as your thin, nothing else matters! You want to be perfect, right?!" Etc, etc etc.
I was reading something a while ago about how it doesn't matter if your thin if your dead, and immediatly my eating disorder says: "Who cares if your dead as long as your thin. The thinnest. I know you would do anything to be thin, even die." And you know what, if I was giving in to my eating disorder, or in a worse place in recovery than I am right now, she (ED) would be right. I would die to be thin.
To this day, the health effects of my eating disorder do not bother me. Who cares if my metabolism is fucked? Who cares if my electrolytes are screwed up when I purge? What does it matter that if I lose enough weight, I will die? As long as I'm thin, who cares? What does it matter?
Deep breath Paula. You can beat this.
Errghhh. Stupid eating disorder.
To be honest, I still would rather be skinny/thin/beautiful than be alive.
"You can never be too thin."
"Your not good enough! Get off your fat ass and loose some weight! As long as your thin, nothing else matters! You want to be perfect, right?!" Etc, etc etc.
I was reading something a while ago about how it doesn't matter if your thin if your dead, and immediatly my eating disorder says: "Who cares if your dead as long as your thin. The thinnest. I know you would do anything to be thin, even die." And you know what, if I was giving in to my eating disorder, or in a worse place in recovery than I am right now, she (ED) would be right. I would die to be thin.
To this day, the health effects of my eating disorder do not bother me. Who cares if my metabolism is fucked? Who cares if my electrolytes are screwed up when I purge? What does it matter that if I lose enough weight, I will die? As long as I'm thin, who cares? What does it matter?
Deep breath Paula. You can beat this.
Errghhh. Stupid eating disorder.
To be honest, I still would rather be skinny/thin/beautiful than be alive.
"You can never be too thin."
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