another thought


there's just nowhere for me to go where i can be happy again. i've felt like this for maybe 2-3 months now. probably longer if i'm really being honest with myself. it seem slike i've been continuously sad since i was 12. i am definitely depressed. my doctor thought i was bipolar too. i don't know where to go to get diagnosed but i want to know what the fuck is wrong in my head.



there's nowhere i can go away to. i'm afraid that even...

i don't even know where to start. i feel like my end is approaching soon. ther'es reallly no point to any of this.



despite the many posts i made about him, celebrating that i broke up with him once and for all, i'm still with the boyfriend who was/is abusive and was homeless for a few months.

he's not homeless anymore because i gave him $300 to help pay for an apartment. i thought that maybe our relationship probelms came from all the stress that him being...

i don't even know how many times i have posted with the words "i hate my breasts".
it has been true since i was twelve and it will still be true tomorrow.

everyone thinks it's a vanity problem. or that i want to be a hoe and get more attention from guys. i don't want to come off as bragging, but i already do get attention. i'm pretty sure anything with a hole in it gets male attention. that's not the problem and i don't think whether i'm comfortable with my chest or...

for awhile i didn't feel like i was getting much out of this forum, so i looked for other emotional support forums. i found one that i really liked, it was really clean and easy to use, but it was kind of a free for all. it wasn't heavily moderated like TH, but i didn't care at the time.

on that forum i made a post talking about the back and forth mentality i had with my abusive relationship, and how i was struggling so much with knowing he was a terribly toxic person to have...

it's been awhile since i've been genuinely scared because of a dream. i used to get so scared of nightmares i would wake up crying, but that was when i was a kid. now, of course they still scare me, but i can wake up and know that it's not real.
this one felt real, though.

i had a dream that i was just sitting, at some formal party, with nice table cloths and rich people in fancy clothes. suddenly a man in a suit came over to me and he was holding something big. he just stared...

how the fuck are genitals not related to a person's sex.

honestly our society as a whole is breaching an entirely new era of mental retardation.

i have never once heard a good argument as to how being "genderfluid" is more of a gender and less of a fucking personality.
you can't just make up some random bullshit and expect everyone else to accept it without any logical backing whatsoever.
but that's exactly what's happening more and more frequently,...

In January, after texting some Tinder guy for about 3 weeks, I decided to meet him. It was pretty sketchy, and I should be grateful for the fact that he was who he said he was and, you know, didn't kill me. He said I could meet him at his apartment or we could meet up at the Starbucks across the street from his place. In addition to that, he lived 30-40 minutes away so I would be driving the farthest I've ever driven myself from home, going to meet up with a stranger. Not the wisest thing...

This has been on my mind for awhile, I don't really know what I hope to get from posting this but I just wanted to let this out. I dunno.

So I was raped on March 10th of 2016. It's no secret, I've made a few threads about it. I finally told my parents in October.

Now, some backstory -- ever since maybe 2012-2013 my parents have been trying to get more involved with going to church regularly. I didn't hate it at first, in fact, I think I actually liked it. Or saw it...

...

We've all gotten that one text that just makes our shoulders drop in disappointment. For some, like me, we've gotten it more than once. I text quite often...I've gotten plenty of disappointing texts from lots of different people. "I hate you." "F*ck you b*tch." "Why are we always fighting?!" and even "Yay! I'm so glad we're friends again!!" (when I was trying to get rid of this girl who thinks she's my best friend, but really, I never liked her from the start.)...