Been dreading this week since November last year. Wednesday was obviously going to be difficult, especially when I realised it was 11am and ended up crying again.
But now there's the whole 8 days afterwards before the funeral thing and I keep thinking about that dream I had last week.
Sat and drank my way through Monday night. Screwed up my legs and an arm last night. Tonight looks set to be a repeat of one or both nights.
Best thing being no one knows. Because I stopped...

So, today was meant to be quite busy, and I got out of bed at about 9:00am after tossing and turning and panicking for hours.

Today was originally meant to go: clothes shopping with Leisa, appointment with Judy, Chris's funeral.
Chris's funeral has been post-poned, and Leisa rang this morning to say we can't do the clothes shopping today (and I am very happy about this) because the funds hadn't come through. I don't really want to go clothes shopping so that made me happy....

Feeling so alone..Stupid thoughts that really need to go away >_<
I can't talk to anyone, no one wants to know and none of my school friends have any idea about my life. They'll tell me that i'm being silly, I always help them but as soon as I even attempt to talk to them they just ignore me.

I'm an idiot, at this rate I don't think I'm going to be here much longer :/

Yeah, 4 days TH was down for. I don't blame anyone, I just find that blogging helps me, so I've been waiting for it to come back online.

On the 19th, Chris Jonkers died in a motorcycle accident. I found out through facebook on Tuesday evening. His funeral is at Waikumete Cemetery on Friday at 2:00pm. I need to find out if I can move my appointment with Judy (which is meant to be 12:30 - 1:30 this week), and if Lyn would be willing to drive me there. I need to find these things out...

I've had several emails of people on this sight judging me, k so here goes, I'm 15 my mum died when I was 13, with the stress if her dieing I went off the scales, I lost my virginity and then I couldn't stop getting drunk with my friend and having sex with everything that moves,my grades went down rapidly. I lost all respect for myself every weekend I stayed at a guys house, schooldays I was out usually at my friends oftenly just at a random guys house, I just didn't want to go back to the memories...

I had a mental breakdown last night.

I cut myself a little bit and really wanted to do it a lot more. I wanted to see the blood and do what I had to to release the anxiety and that heavy feeling on my heart. I only did a little bit but knew I had to refrain before I got myself into trouble with my parents.

So what do I do? I call a hotline. The self harm hotline was closed so I called the suicide hotline because well, I was in danger of cutting too much or too deep...

Source: Announcements forum | Thread.


Hello everybody,

We are pleased to be able to release the preliminary results of this survey, which gives an overview of what we found. Some of the key findings include:

• Most users enjoy helping others, with our Support Forums being overwhelmingly our most popular service.
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Some stuff got crossed of my "waiting to be done" list.

Bedroom - unnaturally clean. Everything has been tidied/put away/now has the surface showing. So two desks - now with accesible desk tops. Two chests of drawers (one's big, one small), now with much less junk being displayed. Two bookshelves, pretty much the same because I'm fairly tidy about my book storage. Plus I put my clean clothes away. And I even vaccuumed. It kept me busy for about three hours yesterday afternoon,...

Source: Newsletter | Issue 32 | If you would like to receive the full quality HTML version via email please sign up.


TeenHelp Newsletter #32 - November 17th 2012 - http://www.teenhelp.org

Welcome to the TeenHelp Newsletter! Our Newsletter contains a lot of useful information about our current work, including updates to our site and services, work with our partners and affiliates, details of upcoming...