So Leisa came over today. It wasn't too bad, she didn't go on about community work, which is a bonus. She just wanted to go over this thing with me which was basically describe your entire life and all related goals - there was stuff about physical health, mental health, living situation, blah di blah di blah. At some point I mentioned the repetitiveness of the questions, and Leisa basically said, you have to remember that these are designed to be done with everyone. Then she goes on and says, "You're...

It strikes me as rather ominous that my probation officer stated, much more than once (in fact it felt like every second or third sentence), that she is worried about me.

Noooooot good. They have the contact details for ICT, and if they're worried, it's quite simple for them to place a phone call and say so. My probation officer (the one for the supervision sentence) is quite a nice lady, but the worry in her eyes is disconcerting. I don't like getting that look from people, it makes...

So my dislike towards this authoritarian system where our privacy rights are being curbed in the name of counter-terrorism has been growing. It was recently provoked by me being treated like a criminal at the airport for having £2,000 "undeclared" on me in cash, travelling within the EU. Firstly, I don't need to declare any amount of money when travelling within the EU, and travelling outside, I can take up to €10,000 (about £8,000 I think) without declaring. Yet they picked on me for...

I want to be able to say I'm happy, and actually mean it. I want to be able to eat a piece of cake, without crying or purging or anything else. I want to not keep finding ways to hurt myself. I slipped up, again. Found another blade, sliced my wrist open. It felt so..amazing. And yet I'm so ashamed. I can't stop wanting to hurt myself. I can't help that I just want to stop breathing, but I don't want to leave E.

I told E that I've only been half-ass trying to recover. I promised I...

I want to be happy.

Fuck this shit. I'm going to be happy.

I don't care about him. Let him do what he likes. I don't need him, I don't need the friends who aren't really friends and leave me for him and I don't need to listen to him.

I'm going back to school soon. And I'm going to get the best grades I can. I'm going to do writing. I'm going to apply for uni. I'm going to read good books. I'm going to go out with my friends. I'm going to get my ears pierced....

What a revelation, right? Not. My family and so forth were constantly blaming my on-going "poorness" and inability to pay bills on my poor budgeting skills. The truth is, you can only get your money to stretch so far - you can't create it out of nothing if you need it to make that one extra bill. You just end up in debt.

Now I'm getting more money. About double what I was getting before. Before, after my rent had been redirected, I got $86 a week. Now, after my rent's been...

Oh you want me to 'go die'? Oh okay that's cool I'm glad to know that you won't care... :/

Source: Notice | Contact Center.

Have you ever used TeenHelp's Contact Center? If not then you're really missing out! Unlike many organisations our contact page doesn't just give you a form to complete or basic contact details. What it does instead is show you where to go for a lot of issues that you might not otherwise be able to solve. If there's something you need to know or do, our Contact Center is a great place...

Set my alarm for sunrise, intending to get up and go for a run. You know what they say about the road to hell being paved with good intentions though . . . lol. Eventually dragged my ass out of bed at, get this, half past one in the afternoon. I thought it was still like eleven in the morning. So much for that. So yeah, I didn't go for a run. I'm a little disappointed in myself, but not too much, because what I really feel like doing today (aside from eating and smoking) is playing RuneScape....

The title says it all. As much as I love Live Help, I just don't have the amount of time it takes to do it properly. But I love Help Link too so all is gooooood.

Watched Doctor Who today. It was very exciting. There are going to be dinosaurs in this series. Yay.

Also spent half the day with a girl I like. She's not interested in me, but she's a great friend. It's kinda bittersweet, but I love her being my friend.