He is confuseing me.
He says he likes me sometimes. && then he yells at me, saying he needs to think.

He is supposed to ask me out tomorrow afterschool.

I want to say yes.

But everything is telling me to say no.
I'm going to get hurt.
I'm going to get hurt.
I'm going to get hurt.
I'm going to get hurt.
I am so terrfied, it can't even be expressed.
I just won't go to school.
But Shays counting...

The one person that always said he believed in me and that he loved me no matter what. But no, now he's saying he doesn't care about me, it's the hardest thing to hear from your grandad.
I can't handle the arguments or the pain. I'm worthless..

I want to write again.

I want my thoughts on paper.
I want to get upset when I mess up. When the ink gets smuged, and it gets my finger black. When I hear the crunch of crumbling the mistake and throwing it away, hearing it hit the bottom of the trash can.

I want to get it right.
I want to smile a small smile, barely at the coner of my lips. Why? Because I wrote something I was proud of.

I stopped writing, because my thoughts were depressing,...

Went to Birmingham today for football and shopping.
Met up with my uncle...
Found out I have a half brother called Ryan after Giggs.
He's 1, my father had him at 47
Don't know how I feel, envy that Ryan lives in luxery I suppose, but I would like to meet him when he's old enough.
My father knows about my footy love and the fact my uncle met up with me. That feels horrible that he knows things but still doesn't support me in any way.
You guys love me and mum...

I was talking to my friend Eskie...
We had asked what are biggest fears were.
I lied to him.
I said that heights, and the being in the dark alone were my biggest fears. No. Even though they are my fears..


My biggest fear is two kids can't be happy. My little half brother and sister. I am terrified for them. My mother has destroyed them. They don't even love me....
Know me....
I wish they could be happy..
I love you guys, when...

Sometimes a photo or drawing can make a subject more clear. I ran across this drawing on the Internet, and it very closely shows my situation at home. In fact, I was surprised at how close the figure in the drawing resembles my Mom. Anyway, parents use a variety of methods to discipline their kids. Spanking is used in my family when my Mom thinks that I have gone over the line. You may agree or disagree with her methods, but at least I hope to show visually what happens with me from time to time...

Source: Notice | Facilitated Chat Room Discussions.


There are three scheduled discussions on the topics of depression and suicide in the Chat Room for users to seek advice and share thoughts and ideas! The first discussion will be held at 8pm UK time (GMT/UTC), the second will be held at 8pm Eastern US time (EST), and the third will be held at 8pm Pacific US time (PST). All you have to...

About a week ago, as I was walking home from school, I was asked by two girls from my geometry class, who came up beside me, to help them with some of the math problems. I reluctantly agreed to stop off at one of the girl's homes and called my Mom from there. However, after we were done going over the problems, the girl sitting on my right on the couch reached over and began to rub my legs and then my crotch through my jeans. I could feel myself getting a hard-on. She unzipped my jeans and pulled...

I'm just running around in circles, losing control. I don't know what to do anymore, I'm breaking and i don't think i can hold on any longer >_<

I can't take this anymore.
I'm giving up, baby.
Nobody can help me.
I just want this to be over.
I want LIFE to be over.
I want AIR to be over.
I want WAR to be over.
I want EVERYTHING to be over.
I have been fighting for my life all along, and these scars show nothing gained. I'm living a nightmare.
I fucking want it to end.
What do you know!?
YOU THINK YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL?!?!?!!! NO YOU FUCKING DON'T! THERES NO WAY YOU...