I am trying so hard.
I really am. I'm not trying to sound selfish, but I am hanging in there for all dear life.
But, there are always people that need help. Those people on the forums talking about how they are so close to over dosing, or cutting again, or spiraling in their eating disorder, etc. I don't care if I die, or if I go back to my old habits, I just want to help them. They deserve it. But I am starting to realize that no matter what I tell them, or what advice I give them,...

Source: Newsletter | Issue 27 | If you would like to receive the full quality HTML version via email please sign up.


TeenHelp Newsletter #27 - June 16th 2012 - http://www.teenhelp.org

Welcome to the TeenHelp Newsletter! Our Newsletter contains a lot of useful information about our current work, including updates to our site and services, work with our partners and affiliates, details of upcoming events, short...

Source: Notice | Facilitated Chat Room Discussions.


There are three scheduled discussions on the topic of LGBT, sexuality and gender identity in the Chat Room for users to seek advice and share thoughts and ideas! The first discussion will be held at 8pm UK time (BST), the second will be held at 8pm Eastern US time (EDT), and the third will be held...

Without major incident, even. So . . . last appointment with Yvonne. I have no particular feeling about that, if I ever need to see a psychologist again, one will be provided. It's not a big thing for me, I didn't see her for very long so yeah.

I still have to see Judy regularly though. She's my keyworker and she's also a mental health nurse.

We discussed sleep and fast thoughts and stuff today. So they know now that I've been high for the last 2 - 3 weeks. I didn't...

How could I possibly have an eating disorder? I'm overweight. Always have been, since kindergarten. I'm not some stick thin girl. I'm FAT. Seriously, don't comment on this say "oh hunn your so beautiful" or some shit like that. That's BULLSHIT. I'm obese, legit, BMI says so and everything.
If I'm so overweight, how the FUCK do I have Bulimia?! Like, that's basically impossible....

I feel nauseous. Actively nauseous. My stomach is broiling, my throat has that tight, constricted feeling, my ears are ringing, I'm shivery. It happened really weirdly. I was just doing some stuff (stuff that I do fairly regularly) and it came over me really suddenly, I wasn't able to finish.

It's sort of under control now. If I feel that vomitting is imminent, I'll dive outside quicksmart and add to the vomit in the grass that's there from when I had the migraine.

...

There is never going to be the right time to come out. My mom is away and I considered doing it, but she's coming back tomorrow and the place is nearby this town that has the slowest internet.

Sometimes it feels really hopeless. I was also considering it during summer camp, but I'm not going anymore (which is kind of a relief, actually.) And then the rest of the time this summer I'm not going to be able to get away from her to send her an email. I've decided that email works better...

I don't think I can do this anymore. This eating disorder is controlling my life. Constantly blocking out the thoughts, the feelings, the urges. Constantly making sure I'm eating, making sure no one knows. I'm so done. I broke down and purged my breakfast earlier. I felt so much relief, but immediatly regretted it.
I talked to my dad about having problems again, and I emailed my former psychologist....

So. Cold calling went well, I guess. And based on the weather, it genuinely was cold calling. Polar blasts, we get the every year, and the same people complain about the "unseasonsable cold" every year . . . it's just part of living in a country which isn't too far afield of Antarctic meteorology. In other words, it's just life. Personally I don't like freezing my butt off, but on the bright side, at least the weather's nice. Cold, but nice.

Oh, back to cold calling. Dropped...

So, I have an eating disorder. That is still so hard to just, type. I still think of people with eating disorders as [edited], and beautiful. But thats not always the case, like me for instance.

Today has been, difficult. My parents made me clean my room. and I kept finding little trinkets from when my eating disorder had control of my life. It was really triggering.
...