Given up on my goals. Like I said, I suck with them. I've kind of tidied my room, but there's still a lot left to do. And I did one mind map, but I didn't do the history or my story.

There's so much stuff to do and I just can't find the energy to do it.

My mother is convinced that I am purposefully being unhealthy so that I don't learn anything during revision so that I fail my exams so that I can say to her that I tried hard but I must just be stupid.

...

i told someone.i told them about my depression and my cutting.i was so scared,but i did .she promised not to tell my parents.but she convinced me to tell my dad. i might not though.i have a feeling he will get mad. i am going to go talk to the counselor at my school first.

when i woke up this morning i was very suicidal.i still am.i promised someone i would be alive til monday. but after that i will . unless someone convinces me that there's a reason to live .which i bet they...

I'm going to start a list of goals. Long term and short term. If I remember then I'll post the list as part of every blog entry.

I'll tick them off as I go, and add more, so I've always got something to work towards.

Right, here goes.

Short term goals

Tidy my room
Make mind maps for the whole of the Roaring Twenties
Make mind maps for the whole of Energy Calculations
Type up chapter one of The Moment of Truth
...

Source: Notice | Facilitated Chat Room Discussions.


There are three scheduled discussions on the topic of mental health in the Chat Room for users to seek advice and share thoughts and ideas, so come along with your various mental health problems and we'll try to help you out! The first discussion will be held at 8pm UK time (BST), the second will be held at 8pm Eastern US time (EDT), and the third will be held...

My boyfriend did come over yesterday and I felt happy, amazingly. I won't even start thinking about the 'do I deserve to be happy, though' because if I do I'll feel down today as well.

He brought over a game for me to borrow, the original Just Cause PC game, so I've got something to distract myself with. And he brought me some chocolate.

We had sex and then did some chemistry revision and then watched some of a movie, Pirates of the Caribbean.

We had...

My boo is perfect, I think I might love her, she is on this site, if she reads this...she'll know its about her...Boo...I think I love you....

I'm sorry for being here.. i'm sorry for being in the way.. for messing up your lives ... i will go, because you won't miss me. You won't care, in fact you would hardly notice... it show how much of a good family we are eh!?
I am soo sorry for hurting you friends .. i never meant to... i should go before it causes more pain... me and my messed up head, as they call it... because according to them i am useless and have no reason for this.

I guess that's it then.. it can't be them,...

I'm going to start using this more. Perhaps even everyday. Perhaps more than once a day. Just whenever I want to.

I like writing on here. It's different to anything I've tried before.

I woke up this morning feeling a little better, although not much. Still empty just not completely suicidal.

I'm sick of smiling for my mum, though. I just keep smiling and laughing and inside I'm just shriveling away into nothing.

My boyfriend said he would...

I'm browsing the forum aimlessly, trying to put off going to bed and turning off the light because that'll be when the emotions hit. I feel numb right now, and numb is how I'd like to stay.

Things seem to affect me so easily and I don't know why. Some stupid thing on a forum and I'm distraught. An invite out turns into a massive row. A shopping trip and everyone's in tears.

I'm useless. And I'm horrible. And I don't deserve to live.

You know those days... the ones that make you want to end it all there and then...the ones where everything that happens feels ten times worse than it actually is. The ones where you want someone just to hug you and tell you it will be okay... someone to just talk to you and listen... your family to care about you and actually want you here....... ,i don't ask them for much just for them to love me......