My prescriber and I were having a conversation the other day.

She said something that's staying with me. She doesn't think there will be a time where I'll meet with her and say "I feel great!" I tend to get overwhelmed with emotions, any type of emotion, and go off the deep end quickly. We decided we are satisfied when I feel numb. Numb isn't impulsive. Numb isn't too depressed to function or doing something stupid while hypomanic.

But her not thinking that...

I've been having ear issues again for a while lately so I visited an ENT today. She said that as far as the ears, there are a few things that could be going on. One possible thing that could be an issue is my braces. They are realigning and shifting everything and sometimes that can cause pain in the ears, combined with tooth grinding. I also had wax and a hair in my ear, LOL. She wanted to clean it out today, but I absolutely panicked and couldn't do it. After growing up with ear issues, having...

I have been a Christian for a long time but for the past year, I have been questioning my sexuality. This has in turn brought questions about my faith as from first glance it is very precise in what it says. Man shall not sleep with Man. This is a difficult thing to get your head around when you think you are pansexual because what if I end up sleeping with the same gender. I get to the point where I am ok with it, I have got both my faith and my sexuality in line together and things are good and...

So, today I got my first tattoo and it wasn't that bad. At least that is what I am telling myself because I am afraid that the only reason I was ok with it because I liked the pain. The tattoo is on my wrist and it felt like I was hurting myself again and now in my head, it feels like that is an ok thing to do and I want more.

The tattoo I got means a lot to me but now all I want to do is hurt myself, it gave me that feeling back and it felt good. Is it weird to say I have missed...

Why does everyone have these expectations of me. So my Nan died, and since then everyone around me expects me to break down, like everyone and it is so frustrating. I am doing ok, I have a new job, I am stable on my meds, I am doing well. To the point where I even decided to stop therapy, this happened before my nan but was finalized after. I am doing ok and I hate that everyone is expecting me to fail.

My medication prescriber wanted me to get more intensive care and suggested IOP because it’s intensive and also involves group therapy so I can get feedback and connect with people. I had the intake today.

They didn’t inform me of the fact I’ll have to take a drug test today and that I’ll have to randomly take them to get treatment. I am not even here for the substance use side of things and am kind of angry because although it’s a reasonable request I get very pee shy and if they’re...

I relapsed and I don't care. I jus don't care and I don't know how to get that care back. 600 days clean and I relapse and I don't care. I am numb to everything and I hate to say it but it feels good to SH again. I don't know where to go from here, I don't know if I want to recover.

I have a question for those of you who have been here.

How do you explain to people around you what is going on in your head? Everyone around me wants me to be honest with them. They ask how I am and I want to answer honestly but the problem is I know they will just worry.

My answer now is that I don't want to live. This isn't me actively planning and taking action but the basic answer is I don't want to live. I don't want to be here and people get really concerned...

I can't believe I let it get to that point. To the point where I was sat ready to end it all. I let it all get too far but I am sat here now and I don't regret it. So much of me wants to but I just don't, the only bit I regret is not finishing it, and I know that is not a great mindset to be in but it is just how I am and I wish it wasn't. I am the type of person that is always positive and has always got everything under control. I have talked multiple friends back from that point but I just can't...

Today has been a day of two halves. Let's start with last night before I went to bed..... it was late so today if you think about it. I was playing board games and had so much fun, this lead me to wake up in good mood. The 'morning' was good. And then came the stupid notification. I changed my profile picture on Facebook and that is then on my feed. My dad is still a friend on Facebook so saw this and liked the post. I don't know what it was but getting that notification sent me into a complete...