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The life and lies of the so called schizoaffective, paranoid enby, Raphael.
If you don't know what that means, look it up. I hate myself.
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Speaking as loneliness listens

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Posted April 8th 2017 at 08:12 AM by The Darkness

This whole friend thing got me fucked up.
I feel like I gotta watch everything I post on social media just so it won't tick off people. I have to be as careful as some kid who just added their parent to social media. That means no talking about people, no ironic edgy jokes, none of that. Just me and my fucking boring outside life.
Meanwhile, my therapist seems to be siding with the friend issue and denies I'm desperate for friends. Which is a total lie, I am fucking desperate for friends you only see me once a week you don't know my life.
I just want this semester to be over. On monday, lots of things are happening. The bear building thing. The village gov thing that the AC directed me to is happening. I think both of them are correllated or some shit. Oh yeah, and the fucking fall schedule is posted.
It's my last full year here next year and I am so scared. If all goes well, I'll graduate fall 2018, just one semester after I was planned to graduate so that's cool. I don't wanna graduate anymore I wanna stay in school forever. But that's too much money that I don't even have.
I feel like I'm not gonna live a long life. Then again, I've never really felt that way since I was like 13. I feel like eventually I will take my own life. It's all building up. Stepping stones. I'll die young.
But honestly I don't feel like I'm gonna die by offing myself. There's gonna be a tragedy. Some accident. God knows.
And that's the truth: God Knows and He will tell me when my time is up. Just don't surprise me with it God.

"To face you all and say, I've been awake for ever" -Sleep Apnea, Chevelle
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