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The life and lies of the so called schizoaffective, paranoid enby, Raphael.
If you don't know what that means, look it up. I hate myself.

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Speaking as loneliness listens

Posted April 8th 2017 at 09:12 AM by The Darkness (And all the other colors...)

This whole friend thing got me fucked up.
I feel like I gotta watch everything I post on social media just so it won't tick off people. I have to be as careful as some kid who just added their parent to social media. That means no talking about people, no ironic edgy jokes, none of that. Just me and my fucking boring outside life.
Meanwhile, my therapist seems to be siding with the friend issue and denies I'm desperate for friends. Which is a total lie, I am fucking desperate for friends...

The Darkness

Nothing Began Everything

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Views 1736 Comments 0 The Darkness is offline

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The phrase "life goes on" terrifies me

Posted April 1st 2017 at 11:13 AM by The Darkness (And all the other colors...)

I have some to unpack. It's about friends and the feeling of losing my mind again.
I should listen to my therapist and seriously go to sleep right now but I need to write about the people I know in a space where I know they won't see.
So, let's just start with friends. I invited them to come with me to buy groceries and Erin refused while Thor ignored. Later, I see on snapchat that they're both at Kailoni's birthday party when Erin said they'll be heading home at that time so they...

The Darkness

Nothing Began Everything

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Views 1668 Comments 0 The Darkness is offline

It's been a while

Posted June 17th 2015 at 09:34 AM by The Darkness (And all the other colors...)

I just
It's been a lot
I got back with Evan so that's a plus
I've passed my college classes, barely, so that's a plus.
I got pneumonia and for that reason I needed to quit my summer job
I can't escape my mom so she degrades me everyday
My therapist says mother's verbal abuse is just her way of saying I love you.
Of course how could I be so blind of course yelling at your child that she's useless and will never be a functioning member of society is...

The Darkness

Nothing Began Everything

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Views 1416 Comments 0 The Darkness is offline

Well

Posted March 20th 2015 at 03:48 AM by The Darkness (And all the other colors...)

It's like I can't have happiness anymore.
It's been like 6 months since I broke up with Evan and I'm still crying at night and wishing I was dead.
Lana Del Rey can clearly depict my sadness.
I just have hit my low again. Hopefully tomorrow I can send a letter I wrote to him saying how much I hate him and how much he's hurt me because I cannot let him go on happy as he is without feeling guilty over what he's done to me. He can't go on and move on without feeling a little bit...

The Darkness

Nothing Began Everything

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Views 1392 Comments 0 The Darkness is offline

I jinx it i jinx it

Posted September 12th 2014 at 07:59 AM by The Darkness (And all the other colors...)

I SAY THAT EVERYTHING IS FINE AND DANDY AND THEN IT BECOMES NOT FINE AND DANDY
I lost him. I posted about him a few minutes ago
I am just so sad

so terribly sad

i was suppose to marry him but now

nothing.

The Darkness

Nothing Began Everything

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Views 1695 Comments 0 The Darkness is offline

Wonderful Update

Posted August 5th 2014 at 07:49 AM by The Darkness (And all the other colors...)

It's been like most than a year since I last posted and I can say my life has gotten so good now.
Yeah shocking! I no more feel the need to be all dark and gloomy.
I actually think it might be the medications.
Wow long story. Here's the short version: met people on twitter, got close to 3 of them, got crushes on two of them, the one I crushed over the most became an asshole, emotions he evoked onto me made me lose my mind and sent to the hospital for 3 weeks, came back ended...

The Darkness

Nothing Began Everything

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Views 1603 Comments 1 The Darkness is offline

Erase

Posted February 7th 2013 at 05:56 AM by The Darkness (And all the other colors...)

I'm getting sick of living.
How long has it been? Almost a month with calling him and no responce?
Friday's suppose to be our 1 year anniversary. The day I've been so excited to reach just 2 months ago is the day I dread will be filled with utter sadness.
I call him everyday at least 3 times. I send him a one sentence email everyday just saying something I fear or feel at that moment. And yet, nothing.
I'm nearly tired but I can't give up until I know the truth. I know,...

The Darkness

Nothing Began Everything

Posted in Uncategorized

Views 1887 Comments 1 The Darkness is offline

Insanly annoyingly pathetically obsessivly psycho bitchy

Posted January 19th 2013 at 08:20 AM by The Darkness (And all the other colors...)
Updated January 19th 2013 at 08:26 AM by The Darkness

I know, I know.
I've called him for a week. And he never answered until today. Except he didn't answer. His mom did. Which isn't a big deal, it's a house phone, but I didn't get to talk to him because he was away. Which is fine. I'll just call tomorrow.
My brain is going all over the place with this, saying he made it so his mom would lie so he can avoid talking to me because he hates me and wants me away but he's to afraid to actually call off the relationship and doing all that...

The Darkness

Nothing Began Everything

Posted in Uncategorized

Views 1379 Comments 0 The Darkness is offline

Updating, please wait...

Posted January 12th 2013 at 12:41 PM by The Darkness (And all the other colors...)

Ooh my life is spiraling down agaian! Fudder mucker!
So, ok, since I last posted, I moved again, I started shit with my friends, I got a cold and potentially lyringitis, I became suicidal so many times, I realized what I have to do to make things right with my mind and my relationship, and TH is down more than ever which sickens me!
Ok, moving. I moved from being, like 20 minutes away from school in a horrible, cold, ugly big space to being in a tiny, warm, cramped up 3 mintute walk...

The Darkness

Nothing Began Everything

Posted in Uncategorized

Views 1231 Comments 0 The Darkness is offline

Ah TH...

Posted December 30th 2012 at 10:15 AM by The Darkness (And all the other colors...)

WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS DOWN, I MEAN DAMN!
Oh TH I simply adore you!

So lately, ugh, I don't even want to bring it up, but I will.
So I mentioned in one of my threads that I lashed out at a website and that they got offeneded, etc. I went and apologized but they began to taunt me and such so I decided to not only leave the site, but leave the fandom entirely. It's my favorite book and it sickens me to leave the fandom but they just ruined it for me. I felt so dreadful throughout...

The Darkness

Nothing Began Everything

Posted in Uncategorized

Views 1086 Comments 0 The Darkness is offline

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