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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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why do people self harm? - May 10th 2013, 11:51 PM

I'm been wondering why people hurt their self. Does it make them feel better? Its a addictive habit. Once you start doing it you cant stop.what does it feel like when you cut? people have a lot of reasons why they do it. I'm just confused why people self harm. Please tell me why you self harm. Sometimes it hard to cope. I don't think I will self harm though.
                   
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Re: why do people self harm? - May 11th 2013, 02:18 AM

i find it hard to say or communicate the thoughts in my head especially when things are going bad. being male i've been taught that showing emotion is bad so i've kinda locked it out my head and so if i want to feel something if i'm low i self harm it's a sensation that's like a release of things i can't describe but after i look at what i've done and then i get the feeling i need to release this negativity so i do it again, feel better, look at what i've done and think of how stupid i am and then it goes around in a circle.

idk if that makes sense or not but ye.. that's just my view


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Re: why do people self harm? - May 11th 2013, 03:45 AM

Hey, Lindsey.

People self-harm to cope with overwhelming difficult emotions or events that happen in their life. They just need something to help them so they turn to self-harm as an outlet. Most of the time, it's used for coping with feelings, then it's to feel something when you feel numb. It gets addictive because it releases endorphins which brings you to wanna start doing it when you don't even feel sad or numb.

I used to self-harm to relieve guilt, to punish myself and I needed to know my feelings were real. So I took my feelings and made them show on the outside. I come from a family where general normal feelings aren't understood or listened to, so they get swept under the rug so I couldn't talk about anything bothering me. Self-harm was how I dealt with that.

Whenever my parents yelled at me, whenever I made mistakes, whenever me and my best friend would have a argument I'd cut. But now I'm one day from 2 months away, and I've found that talking to my best friend and sorting out our feelings together after an argument is so much better than cutting myself over it. Each argument brings us closer since we deal with it in a healthy apologetic way now. Same goes for other sad feelings, I distract myself by doing things I enjoy to get my mind off it.

I still have urges to self-harm and sometimes I almost slip up and it's on my mind often. It doesn't solve my problems, just temporary relief, it gave me scars, it gave me lies I have to hide and cover up, and sometimes awful urges. Don't self-harm, it's not worth it! I'm glad you say you probably won't, because it's a bad path to go down. So hard to quit.

When you feel sad, make sure you have things to do around you to cope, healthy things. Talk to those around you about things bothering you. Write thoughts/feelings in a journal and express yourself.

Hope I helped you understand a bit better.

Last edited by DeletedAccount17; May 11th 2013 at 12:00 PM.
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Re: why do people self harm? - May 11th 2013, 11:36 AM

There are times when you just want to say... what she said.

Christabel pretty much nailed what I was going to say Many reasons, each individual.


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Re: why do people self harm? - May 12th 2013, 04:34 PM

Similarly to Irele, even though I'm not a male, I've always been taught to in a way "be a man" and not let the bad emotions show through. And after doing that for so long when you mix in an emotionally abusing family; sexually, physically, and emotionally abusing boyfriend then it ultimately becomes too much to handle and the pain and stuff manifests itself in the only way you have been taught how...more pain. I'm not sure if this makes sense to you. I hope it does. But explains why I personally do it (although thankfully I have been clean for 4 months).

As for you doing it. I'm not trying to sound like a hypocrite, but it really it a terrible cycle and the day I regret the most in my life is the day I first cut myself. So please I know that when we do it we get caught up in emotion and aren't thinking rationally. If you get the urge (this is what I do now) try to use that little rational part of your brain to say no.

Best wishes! If you wanna talk feel free to message me any time
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Re: why do people self harm? - May 13th 2013, 12:10 AM

I think people do self harm for a lot of reasons. For me I put a lot of internal pressure on myself and stress myself out over everything until I reach my breaking point and self harm. I know I should never have started but now it has become a distraction for me so they don't get too bad. It doesn't hurt much or anything but it becomes so addictive and I have to worry about infection and such so it's really not a good thing to star.t


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Re: why do people self harm? - May 14th 2013, 02:42 AM

People self harm for different reasons. It was my way of expressing my emotion that were ever so often overlooked, or nobody cared enough to listen. It's very addicting. Once I started it was hard to stop. I began replacing my regular response to different emotions with self-harming. It was also something my mom couldn't control, as she tried to control every aspect of my life. When, where, and how deep. Then guilt topped it off. I also struggled with the pain of losing my youngest sister (Snow) and you the sad truth is people get tired of hearing the same story over and over. So that was kind of my way of dealing with the pain. My family kinda fell apart after that. I'm now 4months & 3days SH free. I have scars, but they simply remind me of what I went through, and that i'm only a stronger person than when I started. But there are days when I look at them and wich I could turn time back. We all make mistake we regret though. I hope this kinda helped you understand a little bit more. ~Sunnie


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Last edited by .Sunnieshine; May 14th 2013 at 03:01 AM.
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Re: why do people self harm? - May 14th 2013, 02:50 AM

Personally, for me, I was tired of trying to talk to people because every time I did try to verbalize what was wrong or why I was depressed, people twisted my words and made it about themselves and no one really seemed to care about how I was feeling.. They'd just give me drugs (anti depressants) and basically tell me to quit complaining. So I did. I stopped telling people what was wrong. Even when the medicine made me feel really odd at first.. It made me like a zombie.. I was extremely irritable, easily pissed off, super hormonal/easily upset, and most importantly: numb. I was numb. All the time. I felt nothing. I wanted to feel something, and I needed a way to deal with how people were treating me, and I couldn't talk about it.. so I cut.

However, I'm 2 years SH free now. Not to say I don't want to sometimes.. Actually.. I still want to rather frequently.. But I don't. I think I've kicked the habit for the most part. <3


"Be kinder than necessary, for everyone is fighting some kind of battle." <3


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Re: why do people self harm? - May 14th 2013, 03:53 AM

People self harm for different reasons.
I self harmed because, growing up I was taught that it was not appropriate to cry or show sadness. I couldn't keep the emotions bottled up though, because I started to feel like I was crazy. I found that by self harming I could release all the emotions I had been keeping in. When I cut I hid the cuts and scars so my parents never knew I was feeling down so they were proud because I didn't show emotions at least not publicly and I was still able to cope with my emotions in my own way.






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Re: why do people self harm? - May 15th 2013, 05:05 AM

I self-harm because I feel like I deserve the pain. I hate myself, so I hurt myself.
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Re: why do people self harm? - May 15th 2013, 04:39 PM

The reasons can vary. I find it to be a way to escape from all the pressures and expectations I face in life (most of which are either created or exaggerated by me, myself). It's also a way of coping with strong emotions, it has become my way of letting it out, essentially.
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Re: why do people self harm? - May 16th 2013, 05:53 PM

The reasons I self harm have been listed by others as reasons why they self harm but I'll say mine anyways.
I SH to punish myself, guilt, anger, self-hatred, because I feel like I deserve it. I SH because I need to feel something other than what I feel (like if I'm sad) or if I'm numb, I use it to feel something.


"i don't care your intentions. I just want you to know my self-hatred never took me where I wanted to go. At the end of the day...I can pick at the pain but I can't cut it away."
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Re: why do people self harm? - May 16th 2013, 08:10 PM

Check this thread out, I asked a similar question
http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f12-s...reasons-shing/


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Re: why do people self harm? - May 17th 2013, 02:23 AM

A lot of people have responded on this topic but I'll reply anyway

So, as it was said, it is definitely different for every individual. I do it as a punishment, or to feel something. I do it because the physical pain is easier, and because if I hurt myself then other people cannot.


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Re: why do people self harm? - May 17th 2013, 02:56 AM

I self harm because i've been raped and been through so much that it feels good to let go of the emotional pain and turn it into physical pain. I was raped by my sisters boyfriend and abused by her also. It feels amazing to self harm it's a sigh of relief to me. I know it's wrong and i might be going to residential care because of it.




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Re: why do people self harm? - May 18th 2013, 04:02 PM

I do because it makes me feel like I have control over something and it gives me something to focus on other than the voice in my head saying bad things about me. It's an escape really. And I can't say I like myself. I hate myself. I deserve it I guess. I've never been good enough anyway.
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Re: why do people self harm? - May 26th 2013, 10:00 PM

I cut because there are too many thoughts and feelings in my head that I don't understand or don't want to feel mostly about my relationship with people. I do it because it helps me stop crying. People around me bully me if I cry saying "attention seeker" "crybaby" so I just don't cry. I cut. I haven't done it for about 2 weeks now. Not long I know but I'm really stopping. But it takes so much self control and its very hard!!! Don't ever start cutting.
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Re: why do people self harm? - June 5th 2013, 04:00 PM

Hey there!

A lot of people actually have this question, and I will do my best to answer it. Some people say that you do it for attention, but that is not the case.

People self harm for so many different reasons. Sometimes they self harm because they have too many thoughts and feelings in their head. It makes them feel like they are in control of something. Some people feel it's a temporary solution to their problems, sort of like an escape.
Some people self harm because they want to let go of the emotional pain and turn it into physical pain. They want to put the hurt that they have on the inside and relate it to something that they can actually see. Some people do it because it's a relief to them. And some people do it because they want to cause themselves more pain, because of the hatred they have for themselves. There are so many reasons, it's impossible to name all of them.

One of the things people that self harm have in common are that they are all incredible, amazing and beautiful people whether they believe it or not. Self harm doesn't define them, and they should not feel like it does.

I hope I gave you somewhat of an answer.

If you have any more questions, feel free to message me.


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Re: why do people self harm? - June 5th 2013, 04:12 PM

thanks I think it's sad that people get soo depressed that they self harm.some people can't cope well.
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Re: why do people self harm? - June 5th 2013, 05:47 PM

For me, it's because I hide my emotions. A lot of people above said that they were always taught growing up that they shouldn't show their emotions, it's the opposite for me. My parents were very open to listening to me and holding me when I cry, but for some reason I always had it in my mind as a bad thing. I hated crying in front of them and I would avoid them all day because I knew I would burst into tears and talk to them. So, I got so overwhelmed with emotions from locking it all inside that I resorted to harming myself. It's just a way to make me feel better and a way to get my emotions out. It makes me feel more in control of all the emotions that are starting to erupt inside.
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Re: why do people self harm? - June 6th 2013, 02:44 AM

I liked the numbing sensation and also like most above. I was taught you can't be anything but happy. I could wear a fake smile all day long but once I got in my small safe zone I let it all lose. I tried to numb the sadness, anger, feeling guilty, like I was worthless. I punished myself sometimes for feeling that way thinking I was wrong and horrible for feeling that way. I would cut differently if it was a punishment type thing it wasn't as deep as when I wanted to feel the release and numbing.


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Re: why do people self harm? - June 6th 2013, 05:18 PM

I've done it for 6 years now so the reasons have been different at different points. Sometimes I use it to punish myself for things that have happened in my past, sometimes to stop myself overdosing or doing worse things, sometimes to let out the tension or overwhelming emotions I'm feeling, sometimes I can't quite work it out - I just have to do it.

It's really not something I advise doing, because you are right, it can be addictive and it damages you in so many ways. It isn't worth it.




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Re: why do people self harm? - June 7th 2013, 06:26 AM

Also it is for less obvious reasons. I'm sure this has been said somewhere on this thread but sometimes people do it just to try it out. They hear about it from others or see it and curiosity leads them to try it out 'just once' to see what it's like and why everyone talks about it. Then the pain becomes a crutch and it goes from curiosity to coping, and then people cut whenever they feel like something's wrong.
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Re: why do people self harm? - June 15th 2013, 12:59 AM

Everyone self harms for different reasons. A lot of the time I self harm because the physical pain I get from it, stops the emotional pain I feel so in that sense, it helps me. Sometimes, I do it because I get so angry or because I feel I deserve pain too.

Self harm is never the answer. If you're feeling low, don't be afraid to reach out and talk to somebody, okay?


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Re: why do people self harm? - June 16th 2013, 01:34 PM

I SH for different reasons- sometimes to punish myself, sometimes to distract myself from overwhelming emotions as physical pain can come as a bit of a shock; the physical pain is hard to ignore and temporaiky focuses my attention away from my emotions and toward what my nerve cells are telling me, which is long enough for the unbearable emotions to subside.

However, SH is a quick fix like drinking alcohol and doing drugs to get rid of pain - it temporarily makes you giddy and high but it has long-lasting effects which are much more severe and often makes the problem it was trying to cover up worse rather than solving it. And it becomes a vicious cycle because it's addictive, which makes everything worse. It is a much smarter idea to fix problems and reach out to someone if emotions are getting too difficult to control on your own, because SH does nothing but make life even worse for yourself.


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Re: why do people self harm? - June 16th 2013, 01:47 PM

Well, from my own experience with self harm it's really just a coping method. It's a dismissive way of putting away your stress and your anger. It's not right either. Another common misconception is that in order to be depressed you have to cut yourself. That's not true in anyway. But, I understood that. And in my particular case. I started too lie to people. Saying I did cut myself when I didn't. You know why? Because now days everyone thinks that either you cut yourself or you're happy. That lie ended up making me lose a lot of important things. Like my Girlfriend. It made me start to actually self harm because I felt like I owed it to her and too all the people I lied too. I guess I just kinda felt guilty. Self harm is a motive based action. It's a why. Why would someone self harm? It really depends on the predicament that the persons in. Sometimes it's guilt. Sometimes it's a coping method. Sometimes it's a cry for help. It varies from person too person. If you are thinking about doing that too yourself, please don't. There are better ways to release anger and to put things aside. Hell, talk to me if you have too. Just don't make the mistakes that I made okay? Stay strong :*
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Re: why do people self harm? - June 16th 2013, 08:05 PM

Like others have said, the reasons behind it differ from person to person. You're never going to have a big blanket answer as to why people self harm.
Personally, I self harm for a lot of reasons. I started at a very early age, and when I did it then it was to cope with suicidal urges. As I got older, I started using it to punish myself, relieve stress, and cope with anger, depression, and numbness. It's my go-to coping method.
Another reason that I self harm is to focus. When I get overly stressed, I find it really hard to focus on the task at hand. When I self harm, it relieves some of that stress and helps me to focus my attention.

You are very right in saying that it's addictive. Definitely try your very best not to start. It's not a good option. Trust me.


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Re: why do people self harm? - June 18th 2013, 11:58 AM

For me, it's an emotional outlet. I become very overwhelmed and have no way to let out my emotions or thoughts, so I turn to self harm. I think another reason for me is because I feel like it's one thing I have control over, compared to everything else in my life.
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