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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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And now we are 4! - January 26th 2021, 09:30 AM

For some time our lawyer has been working with a private investigator to determine whether Julie and I had any siblings that our unstable late parents had not spoken about. It was not until some three weeks ago that the PI discovered a young girl living in an orphanage in Switzerland whose description and photos were a close match. This revelation raised questions and some anxiety for us, too, but until about a week ago it became clear that Julie and I have a little sister called Thomasina, or "Tommy" as she prefers being called.

Tommy was DNA tested at around the time of our mother and father's deaths, which was done for legal reasons so the adoption people would accept the child. Her other personal information was as important for her foster parents as it was for us, so these last few weeks we let the PI and our lawyer get on with things, like when we were sick with chest infections and before that, my online university degree exams. Then our maman got called by our lawyer, and now today we have a delightful, sparky young girl on the cusp of 12, though we thought Tommy was younger.

We had a lovely spare bedroom overlooking the sea, previously used as a store room. Now our little sister has a comfy new queen sized bed, and a lovely antique French armoire built from fruitwood. She loved them, and ran back to hug us. I've also ordered a beautiful slim desk which will suit her well.

Tommy will start at a lovely school in our town, but in springtime. This will enable her to get used to living here and give us time to get her a smartphone, laptop, clothes and all the stuff a young girl needs. And why not? Julie and I were deprived all that.

So now we are a happy family. We're just going to have to take a day at a time. One thing Tommy is into - she cooks! Well, what a surprise!


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Re: And now we are 4! - January 26th 2021, 01:40 PM

Sounds very exciting and I hope she settles in well. I'm sure she's extremely grateful that you've welcomed her into your family after everything you've all been through.



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Re: And now we are 4! - January 26th 2021, 02:36 PM

You and your sister must be thrilled to find you have another sister. And with a similar interest in cooking as well. Hopefully her move doesn't cause too much disruption. It may take her some time to adjust to living in another country with a different lifestyle.


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Re: And now we are 4! - January 26th 2021, 03:38 PM

Oh my god Wendi that's absolutely amazing. Tommy is a very adorable name and she does sound as adorable as her name. She's very lucky to have great sisters as you and Julie.
   
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Re: And now we are 4! - January 26th 2021, 09:33 PM

Thank you, my friends. Tommy's been going well - such love for us!

She forgot to bring her skateboard from her foster home so we let her choose what she'd really like. Being a skateboarder myself, I really admired her choice of a beautifully made maplewood longboard deck, Sector 9 Gullwing Sidewinder II longboard trucks and Orangatang Kegel 80 mm wheels. Tommy defo knew what she wanted, but just seeing her enthusiasm made our day!

Tomorrow we're taking her for a general checkup with a pediatrician, a lady who is super with kids. Then if the weather holds good we'll find a nice place to eat and meet up with mmaman. There's little to no tourists gawping around at this time of the year and what with corona, Monaco is almost deserted. Curfew is at 7pm, but we'll be home long before then.

Tonight our little darling came and hugged us each goodnight, and again she thanked us for "such a brilliant day!", and off to bed she went, bang on 8pm. We're taking things nice and easy with her. Let our little sis discover her own level, nice and easy going to bring out the best in her. Maman adores her though is a bit shy which is to be expected.

Julie was only saying tonight how we've become such a happy family. All things considered, I think we're going to have some great times together!


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Re: And now we are 4! - January 27th 2021, 11:48 PM

This Friday we're taking Tommy to a school she likes the look of. We think this is promising because she's showing great enthusiasm uncommon for a preteen. Most hate the thought of starting any new school, but our little sister couldn't be more excited.

Also, Julie and I have been invited to start work sooner than expected, so it's important we get Tommy into a school that she likes. Otherwise there may have been a problem where her starting school clashed with our new jobs, but with this possible good fortune, this is unlikely to happen.

If the Head Mistress is happy taking Tommy her mid-term, then we can start work after dropping Tommy off to her new school. Even more convenient is this school's finishing time which should conveniently coincide with our finishing work at the end of our day. We laugh at the thought of driving Betty up to the school just as much as Tommy would delight boarding it. Imagine her new friends' faces!

Tommy's visit to her pediatrician went well today, and after our leisurely stroll around the harbour, we went to our booking at La Marée at Port Palace. It's a super fish restaurant, so we had a leisurely lunch for a couple of hours. We never realised our little sister could eat so much! It would have been magical in the evening watching the twinkling harbour lights and any yachts coming in, but Monte Carlo's 7PM curfew meant we'd have to be home by then or face a steep fine.

Tomorrow will be a clothes hunting day followed by food shopping. But it's all fun and laughs with Tommy, our little sister bringing light and merriment to our lives. Julie is so much better now, and with our maman resting, perhaps our winter won't be so acute difficult all.


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Re: And now we are 4! - January 28th 2021, 08:31 AM

How wonderful!


   
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Re: And now we are 4! - February 5th 2021, 12:51 PM

Hi Wendi,

Congratulations on meeting your long-lost sister! Wow, I can't even imagine how exhilarating and life-changing that must be.

It's lovely to know that young Tommy now has a home with her sisters and a caring mother.

I wish all of you only bright days ahead!


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Re: And now we are 4! - February 7th 2021, 01:23 PM

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Hi Wendi,

Congratulations on meeting your long-lost sister! Wow, I can't even imagine how exhilarating and life-changing that must be.

It's lovely to know that young Tommy now has a home with her sisters and a caring mother.

I wish all of you only bright days ahead!

Thank you Mallika, but we are presently investigating the possibility of having more brothers and sisters.

Our late parents had, from our family's records, eight children. So far, a pair of twins are known to have died and are buried at a lakeside village in Switzerland. Our legal lady is trying to ascertain the reasons why they died and when. Of the other siblings, we are in in the process of discovering whether they are still alive or not. All of this is going to take ages, mainly because our late parents traveled a lot. At some time we will have to visit America: Chicago, San Francisco, Nevada and Reno. We own a property in Reno, very useful when getting tickets for Burning Man at Black Rock Desert.

Knowing we have more siblings, but not knowing their whereabouts or if they are still alive, is deeply upsetting. This is another reason why we have taken a month's holiday to get away, time to think and plan, but importantly to be together. There will be brighter days ahead, but for the time being I'm needing time off the forum.

Thank you for your support, also Flight's, Everglow's and Skye's.


“Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.” - Thomas A. Edison.

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Re: And now we are 4! - February 7th 2021, 03:27 PM

I think it's great that you were able to find a long lost sibling and she was able to bond with your family so quickly! It sounds like she's adjusting very well, and I think a little getaway to help her get acclimated to the new environment is fantastic. I'm wishing you, Julie, and little Tommy all the best.

There is something I do want to give you as a fore warning in case it happens: not everyone wants to be reconnected with a sibling they've never met.

One of my friends found her two siblings through research... and it doesn't seem like their biological mother would ever have been voted for the "#1 Mom of the Year" award. There was some bitter resentment there that must have been refueled when my friend reached out to them.
But they were happy to learn of another sibling and bond with my friend.

The point I am trying to make is be mindful of how these long lost siblings might be feeling. Try to think back on the relationship you had with your parents and apply it to these individuals. Do you think they might have fond memories of their mother or father? Depending on how much older they are, they probably disconnected themselves from those people years ago; they buried it in their past and moved on. They now have families and an established career.

This reminds me of my favorite show, an arc that aired a few years ago. One of the main characters reached out to her mother, inadvertently learning she had younger siblings; but the reunion didn't go well. Not quite the same context; but the point is the woman was reminded of a trauma upon meeting the character when she reached out.

Just some things to consider. I know it's super exciting to be reunited with long lost family and wonder about the lives they've lived; but be mindful not only of how they might feel upon contact... but also of how you will feel if they reject you.

   
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Re: And now we are 4! - February 7th 2021, 06:21 PM

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I think it's great that you were able to find a long lost sibling and she was able to bond with your family so quickly! It sounds like she's adjusting very well, and I think a little getaway to help her get acclimated to the new environment is fantastic. I'm wishing you, Julie, and little Tommy all the best.

There is something I do want to give you as a fore warning in case it happens: not everyone wants to be reconnected with a sibling they've never met.

One of my friends found her two siblings through research... and it doesn't seem like their biological mother would ever have been voted for the "#1 Mom of the Year" award. There was some bitter resentment there that must have been refueled when my friend reached out to them.
But they were happy to learn of another sibling and bond with my friend.

The point I am trying to make is be mindful of how these long lost siblings might be feeling. Try to think back on the relationship you had with your parents and apply it to these individuals. Do you think they might have fond memories of their mother or father? Depending on how much older they are, they probably disconnected themselves from those people years ago; they buried it in their past and moved on. They now have families and an established career.

This reminds me of my favorite show, an arc that aired a few years ago. One of the main characters reached out to her mother, inadvertently learning she had younger siblings; but the reunion didn't go well. Not quite the same context; but the point is the woman was reminded of a trauma upon meeting the character when she reached out.

Just some things to consider. I know it's super exciting to be reunited with long lost family and wonder about the lives they've lived; but be mindful not only of how they might feel upon contact... but also of how you will feel if they reject you.

I'm glad you gently warned me what to be aware of. That actually was similar to what maman said at the time Tommy was returned to us. Tommy is at just the right age where she isn't a teenager yet, and we all know how sulky they can act towards older parents. We are grateful our little sister has such a bubbly way, but also one of the first things she said was how much she'd been praying to meet her older sisters. As the days went on, so it became apparent that Tommy knew of our existence, but now where we lived.

We are having a great time with our little sis. We love how confident she is when skateboarding, but also never stoops when she walks; Tommy walks tall and she's never shy. But we also know she had a rough time at this orphanage because she told us a lot and because of the emotional pain she endured, so we are being careful in guiding her.

Before went away, Tommy asked to borrow my Speedvagen bike, so I lowered the saddle and off she zoomed though she gladly wore the cycle helmet and knee and elbow pads under her clothes. It's a very fast bike and extremely lightweight, too. I managed to get hold of one because they were a limited edition, very rare. When we return, we will give it to her.

So far, it's not Tommy who is upset at her late mother and father, but Julie and I. That is something that cannot be shared on the forums because it's best kept within my family.

I'm glad you wrote and shared with me those things. Thank you.


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Re: And now we are 4! - February 7th 2021, 06:36 PM

Yeah, that's actually the thing I didn't even address. If they accept you and feel comfortable enough to open up about their trauma, make sure you're prepared to deal with what they tell you. I'm glad Tommy was quick to bond with you and Julie, and is already sharing things with you that had happened to her. I want you to know it's ok to reach out to us on here if you ever feel conflicted about anything she says or need guidance. I know your adoptive mum has been very insightful and that's fantastic; but remember it's ok to reach out to others and get 2nd/3rd/etc opinions on various matters.

I hope you enjoy the rest of your vacation.

I'd also like to add you are under absolutely no obligation to share with us anything you don't feel comfortable sharing.
   
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Re: And now we are 4! - February 13th 2021, 12:53 PM

We're having a super time away. Visiting deserted streets after mooring up as the crew needs to buy groceries etc, we carry our vaccination cards and proof of identity and our passports, and go our merry way rejoicing.


It's been wonderful how deserted towns and villages are and we've been able to enjoy sights, feel relaxed and refreshed before embarking again to another country.


Best vacation. Ever..


“Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.” - Thomas A. Edison.

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