Non-PG13 (Strong Language): Screaming thread.

[Dawn.]

Urgh, I don't want to feel like this anymore.

[Kate*]

At least I have something new I'm enjoying, but the come down is real.

[Odyne]

Tough day.....

[Kate*]

I've been asking the same 2 things for months: Prepare your taxes and hem my pants. You're retired, it's not like you don't have time!

[Dawn.]

I just want answers and to not have to have this sense of uncertainty anymore.

[Odyne]

Raining.. again..

[Tigereyes]

There is a good chance I will be dead in 2-3 weeks.

[Everglow.]

Just as lockdown lifts, suddenly nobody has any time for me again. Spent 10 weeks with my mum finding reasons not to see me, and now my friends are doing the same. Super.

[Everglow.]

I feel lonely. I'm sick of being on my own and doing things alone. And when work starts again I'll be back to never seeing anyone again. I'm so tired of it.

[Tigereyes]

It is very possible that I'm about to die or ruin my entire future if I stay home. I'm too young to be deciding between probable death and certain increasing debt. I don't want to die. I don't want to throw everything away just to not die. But my future won't matter if I'm not alive long enough for their to be a future. I must make decisions based on immediate survival. It likely will catch up with me, but if I can survive longer, maybe I can find another option, a way out, a light at the end of the tunnel. It is very likely that the light is just an oncoming train and I am trapped in the dark with nowhere to go, nowhere to run. But it's better than hopelessly sitting in the dark, waiting for the inevitable end to come. If I stay here, I will die. If I move toward the light, I likely will still die. But sitting here waiting is not how I want to die.

I don't want to be fucking sober right now.

[Dawn.]

I love it when people think they are right.

[Kate*]

I'm on a break before I literally start punching people! GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME, AND MOVE! IT'S NOT THAT FUCKING HARD!

[Tigereyes]

Week-long panic attack is the new normal. Even sleep gives me no relief

[Tigereyes]

There's no hope at all. Only death.

[Dawn.]

I just want to be able to work towards my goals more quickly.

[Odyne]

I'm bored

[Tigereyes]

There is no future for me.

[Odyne]

I just hate my body so much

We have cockroaches! I went downstairs to the kitchen and turned on the light and they were crawling everywhere! I HATE cockroaches!

[Everglow.]

So you have a pride flag as your profile picture, and yet you're going to argue that movements which aim to bring prejudice and oppression into perspective is wrong and should end? Re-evaluate. Honestly.

[Odyne]

I feel so bad today..

[Kate*]

I don't like you,you're annoying.

[Tigereyes]

I can't go on like this much longer. I'm hanging by a thread. I know it's bad because this current situation makes ALL my past trauma, including being abused as a child, seem laughable in comparison. All I can do is try to pass the time. But for what?

People are dumb.

[Everglow.]

I miss you so much. Randomly popped into my head when you showed me your paintings. Idk why. But I miss those little moments. Wish you were going to be around for your 90th. I'll be thinking of you then too.

[Tigereyes]

I'm sorry...

Okay, what is going on? I've hinted at me coming over for days. Tonight I flat out asked to see you and all I got was an emoji in response. A fucking emoji. I mean...do you not like me anymore? Is that what's going on? Just tell me! I don't know what to do.

[Everglow.]

I'm getting really sick of going days on end without a single conversation.

[Kate*]

STOP CALLING ME!

[Dawn.]

Jeez, that was intense.

[Everglow.]

Another day of barely speaking to anybody. I enjoy being ignored all day because YOU said something offensive and weren't happy with me calling you out on it.

[Kate*]

You want feedback? Here's your feedback: STOP CALLING ME!

[Everglow.]

Just dont talk about it to me if you dont want me to tell you when you're being problematic. I'm sick of people who have no right to say what should and shouldn't be offensive to others telling me that I'm wrong.

[Tigereyes]

I'm not good at being sober, I don't want to be sober, being sober has always sucked. They said it would get easier. Sobriety is just pain and suffering, PTSD, depression, anxiety, chronic illness, chronic fatigue. Suffering. I can never do anything right while sober. I still can't make friends 6 years after they promised that I'd make friends soon. I have minimal support. I'm barely holding on. Maybe I can't have faith in some stupid impossible future because I have no reason to believe in one. I was going to kill myself last August. And the October before that. And several times before that. Each time I wanted to give myself a chance to live. To find meaning and hope and joy in life. But still no. And now I might die anyway from COVID or starvation despite how hard I choose to fight to stay alive. Nothing I can do fucking matters. It's still me suffering alone, unintentionally hurting the ones I love by occasionally letting any signs of suffering show. I'm exhausted from this. There's no hope, no light. There never has been.

I am depressed

[Tigereyes]

I wish I had killed myself 5 years ago, before everything got so complicated.

[Everglow.]

Even when we're literally on a video call and we're in a conversation you can't just ignore, you still don't want to talk to me. And yet you're angry when I leave the call. What's the point if nobody is speaking to me?

[Everglow.]

I'm so angry all the time again. I honestly don't know how to stop.

I don't know how I feel and that scares the shit out of me.