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Relationships and Dating Ask here for advice on dates, break-ups and other relationship concerns.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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1st Xmas present from boyfriend- should I be upset? - January 12th 2014, 01:58 PM

Hey guys!

Some background info: I'm 19 and my bf's 23. He's graduated and now has a proper job which involves him travelling a lot. We've been together for about a month now.

Basically me and my boyfriend have been going out for a month now and just had our first christmas together I still haven't got my christmas present from him yet but will do when I see him. He told me that he was going to give me his shirt for christmas cause he told me he saw a girl wearing her bf's shirt to bed on TV and he thought it was cute. Since he travels a lot for work, he also said that I could wear it to bed so it'll be like him sleeping next to me when he's away which I thought was really sweet

So I was quite happy with his gift until my friend called me to tell me what she got from her bf when she saw him- he got her a Swarovski bracelet. I tried not to compare cause each guy is different but I couldn't help but feel a little bit jealous Especially when I know her bf is our age and is still studying, he's on a student loan too, and my bf is working and he recently got paid. We've also been together longer than my friend and her bf and her bf still got her a really nice present. I've also asked my cousin (whose about the same age as my bf) what he got for his girlfriend for their first Xmas and he said a Swarovski necklace (what a coincidence )....My friend told me she tried to help by giving my bf advice for gifts for me. When she suggested jewellery to him, he said it was too early in the relationship to give me jewellery.

I wanted him to make it special so I jokingly asked him if he was going to put it in a wee box for me but then he replied he was planning to just put it in a tesco's bag -_-

I don't want to sound ungrateful cause I genuinely do appreciate his shirt and the thought behind it but is it bad of me for expecting a bit more from him? I mean, what do you guys think about giving a girl an old shirt for her first Xmas present? I know it's materialistic and stupid but it's starting to upset me a little - I know im a good girlfriend cause I do so much more for my bf than my other friends with boyfriends do so I feel like I deserve a little more :/?

Thanks and appreciate any advice
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Re: 1st Xmas present from boyfriend- should I be upset? - January 12th 2014, 03:55 PM

Hey

I understand your predicament, and overall you shouldn't be jealous, since from what you said, it sounds like he's put the most thought and effort into Your present.

You must remember
Quote:
When she suggested jewellery to him, he said it was too early in the relationship to give me jewellery.
That'd explain why he didn't get you what he got the other friends.

He's clearly trying to make an effort and do what he believes is right, besides, that t-shirt idea, was actually pretty sweet. More kindness and more thought went into that, than any jewellery on earth.

But i know, you feel jealous, and that's understandable, afterall it is a T-shirt comparing to jewellery, However that's only a Price-Value difference, not a -Thought and Care difference, basically meaning, it may be more expensive, but the present you was given definitely was alot more considerate.

I wouldn't worry about it, or get upset over it. I know it's hard to say that, but its the thought that counts, and, lets be honest, if he got you jewellery like he got everyone else, that wouldn't make you any more special than the rest of them anyway.




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Re: 1st Xmas present from boyfriend- should I be upset? - January 12th 2014, 04:06 PM

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Originally Posted by HelpingAngels View Post
Hey

I understand your predicament, and overall you shouldn't be jealous, since from what you said, it sounds like he's put the most thought and effort into Your present.

You must remember

That'd explain why he didn't get you what he got the other friends.

He's clearly trying to make an effort and do what he believes is right, besides, that t-shirt idea, was actually pretty sweet. More kindness and more thought went into that, than any jewellery on earth.

But i know, you feel jealous, and that's understandable, afterall it is a T-shirt comparing to jewellery, However that's only a Price-Value difference, not a -Thought and Care difference, basically meaning, it may be more expensive, but the present you was given definitely was alot more considerate.

I wouldn't worry about it, or get upset over it. I know it's hard to say that, but its the thought that counts, and, lets be honest, if he got you jewellery like he got everyone else, that wouldn't make you any more special than the rest of them anyway.




Hi Thanks for your reply, it really put things into perspective and reminded me why I was happy when he said he would give his shirt in the first place It is a really sweet and personal gift. I feel kinda bad making a post about it but I guess I needed some opinions
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Re: 1st Xmas present from boyfriend- should I be upset? - January 12th 2014, 06:45 PM

Firstly, don't be jealous of other people. You both thought that the present he got you was nice enough in the first place, so don't let anything change that. I personally think that spending that much on an expensive bracelet for someone when you've been dating for around a month is a bit ridiculous. And since you've only been dating around a month or so, just be grateful you even got a present at all!

It's early on in your relationship so don't expect the world just yet. Enjoy yourselves.
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Re: 1st Xmas present from boyfriend- should I be upset? - January 12th 2014, 07:05 PM

I don't think you should be upset by it... I can understand being jealous, but your boyfriends gift is really sweet and nice too.

More to the point, everyones relationship is different. Like you said, he feels it is to early for jewelry, and I'm guessing that that's especially so with expensive jewelry.

Plus, while he is working and it sounds like your friends boyfriend is school that doesn't mean that your boyfriend somehow has a superior financial situation. Because he's done school he's probably in a position where he needs to pay back student debt, he also probably has other financial things to worry about such as all living costs, including taxes (which students typically have none of, or very little of) and starting his savings account (which is VERY important), so while he establishes himself as a financially independent human it would be good to be understanding that cash might be tight right now. So while his gift was sweet and thoughtful on its own it is also important to consider that a lot of young people who recently graduated don't have a bunch of money to spend at the best of times.

Just try to remember his gift was sweet and thoughtful.




Feel free to PM me if you ever need to chat or have questions
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Re: 1st Xmas present from boyfriend- should I be upset? - January 13th 2014, 04:10 PM

I don't know how to put this into words without coming off too judgy. I'll try and be as neutral as possible here:

- Was your gift worth the same as a Swarovski bracelet? If you expect more than you invest (here: money), you come off as gold/money digging. You want to avoid that. Age or income does not matter here, nor does what a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend invests. Just believe me on this one, many men know the gold digging syndrome and avoid it like the pest
- To avoid such situations, agree on an estimated amount of money to spend, so you both get gifts of similar value - and you cannot hold it against him later - plus, you could name a category for him. i.e.: "I would love if you could get me nice jewellery worth ~50$"
- I don't think you should expect anything at all (unless you agreed on something, like in point 2). Nobody should. Expecting presents stems from a feeling of entitlement. Tradition is not an excuse here.

Hope you two get over this so your relationship can improve


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Last edited by PureStorm; January 13th 2014 at 08:09 PM.
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Re: 1st Xmas present from boyfriend- should I be upset? - January 13th 2014, 04:28 PM

Like the others said - remember every relationship is different. I can totally understand how you might be feeling (jealousy is so frickin annoying isn't it??) but focus on how lovely and personal your present is, while your friend got the same bracelet that hundreds or thousands of other people may have been given across the world. :P Also now when you DO get jewellery from your boyfriend for something you'll know how much it means.


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