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Relationships and Dating Ask here for advice on dates, break-ups and other relationship concerns.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Baxter Offline
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Dating multiple people? - September 18th 2011, 01:51 AM

Hey TH -

So. How 'right' is it to date two people, or even more, at once?

I met two girls around the same time, have been on 2-3 dates with both of them. Honestly they're both just 'kind of a fling'. It's early, they're both pretty coy about referring to a relationship, and I'm not going to bring it up. I do like one less than the other, as kind of a safety net I guess. I'm not really looking for any long term relationship, but I don't want to go so far as to make a girl think I'm cheating on her. At what point am I? When a girl refers to me as her boyfriend?
   
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Re: Dating multiple people? - September 18th 2011, 02:12 AM

It's really up to you to determine that by your own morals. Personally, I find nothing wrong with it as long as all the parties involved are completely aware and understanding of the situation. As long as you make it clear to them that it is casual dating and that you are not looking to get into a monogamous relationship, it's all good. It's not cheating if it's agreed to.


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Re: Dating multiple people? - September 18th 2011, 02:32 AM

I'm not sure... I think that as long as you tell both girls when you happen to actually be dating both of them it's ok.
   
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Re: Dating multiple people? - September 18th 2011, 02:37 AM

There isn't anything wrong with it. You aren't in an exclusive relationship with either of them, therefore, you may choose to date who you want and how many people you want. You just need to explain to these girls you aren't expecting any sort of relationship to come of it. If you don't, you are leading them on and that isn't fair to them.











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Re: Dating multiple people? - September 18th 2011, 02:39 AM

Nothing wrong with it at all. There's no reasonable assumption of monogamy if you're only dating, so morally you don't even need to tell them that you're seeing other people. It isn't any kind of relationship until you both say so, and if you aren't in a relationship then seeing other people isn't cheating. However, while not exactly cheating, I think it'd be wrong to continue seeing other people if one girl starts calling your her boyfriend and you don't correct her. While it'd be partly her own fault for assuming too much, you'd be deceiving her.



   
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Re: Dating multiple people? - September 18th 2011, 02:58 PM

There is sex involved occasionally when I go out with them, which makes me a bit hesitant. I've jokingly mentioned I'm not a monogamous person, I don't like relationships, among other things, so they should know. Explaining everything and stating, "Remember that girl, I'm fucking her too" seems like it would pretty much end it. Thanks.

Last edited by Baxter; September 18th 2011 at 03:11 PM.
   
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Re: Dating multiple people? - September 18th 2011, 07:42 PM

I think if they know that you are dating another girl and they're okay with it then it's fine.
But the fact that you're hesitant to bring up that you are dating another person makes it seem like you are doing something that you should hide.
   
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Re: Dating multiple people? - September 18th 2011, 07:48 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Baxter View Post
Explaining everything and stating, "Remember that girl, I'm fucking her too" seems like it would pretty much end it.
If you put it in those words, you could probably end anything and everything.

Just tell her that you're seeing multiple people and if that's ok with her. It's ultimately her choice in whether she wants to stay or not. By not letting her know that you're seeing other girls besides her, you're being misleading and that isn't quite fair on her or the other girls you are seeing.


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Re: Dating multiple people? - September 18th 2011, 07:54 PM

Maybe if you explain that you're polyamourous (as dating more than one person at a time would appear to indicate) and then let them consider that? I know a polyamourous girl with about seven partners, but on the other hand, a lot of girls wouldn't be comfortable with that. Just explain the situation to them both and let them decide if they want to continue it =)


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Re: Dating multiple people? - September 18th 2011, 07:59 PM

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Originally Posted by Angel View Post
By not letting her know that you're seeing other girls besides her, you're being misleading and that isn't quite fair on her or the other girls you are seeing.
Why? They aren't in a relationship, they're just hooking up occasionally. He's done nothing to make her think she's his girlfriend, and until they say different she'd be stupid to assume that there's any kind of commitment going on.



   
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