I'm going to get my work done tonight. And then I'm going to do the writing I promised some people I'd do. And then I'm going to make some mind maps. And then I'm going to read a book so that I can cut down the pile beside my bed. And I'm just going to keep going. On and on. It never stops. There's always something else to do and I just want to sleep.

So i have got another doctors appointment tomorrow. I think i will open a bit more and honestly say how much i have been struggling. It won't be easy but i know it will help and after some persuasion from numerous people (you know who you are :] and thanks for helping me) I have decided that i should say something tomorrow.

I am terrified as i have never opened up before and am freaking out but i supposeits best. Just hope i don't back out last minute.

So I posted this on my Tumblr blog yesterday. (Here if anyone's interested)
I wanted to share it here because people who have seen it seem to think it's pretty positive. Which I guess it is. But we'll see.

Today, for a short while, I honestly believed that I was going to lose the one person I love more than anything. It scared all Hell out of me and I’ve never felt so broken than...

I didn't get to go swimming and now I feel really pissed off. Even though I didn't want to. I just want to get out of the house. And now I'm on my own again and I feel like shit. I'm not doing anything constructive and I have a headache. I feel like shit.

I'm going swimming today. I don't really want to but I promised my boyfriend I would.

I have a headache.

I had a rough night. I didn't sleep well. Didn't help that I didn't want to turn out the light.

I just want to curl up and stop existing.

sorry but i cut once again yesterday. i cut deeper than i ever have.i feel really guilty.but the thing is that i want to cut again.i might.i probably will.

can't i just cut so deep that i die.i wish.or do something that could kill me.i might kill myself soon.