I don't see the point anymore in trying. I just fail. I am a dissapointment, a let down, a failure. Whatever i do i end up destroying. I am a wrecking machine. A horrible fat, stupid good for nothing wrecking machine. I went 3 whole days without cutting, didn't think it was possible but then as per usual i wreck that. I gave in. I am weak pathetic. I am horrible. I am a bitch. I am fat. I am ugly. I HATE YOU EMMA!!!I make everything worse for everyone. I fail at everything i do so why try? I am...

so after like a month of quitting ive cut 2 days in a row... everything is triggering me, my biology lesson made me break down... I had to escape to the toilets... My cuts are getting much much deeper than before, if i cut any deeper I would be into a vein... i even dream of cutting and of blood and death... i cant stop, everytime i see a car i want to jump infront of it and let everything come to a peaceful end... i never thought it would get this bad, my grades are slipping, ive stopped talking...

I talked to Pete today.

We just chatted.

Didn't help I was in a good mood. He probably wonders why I went to him in the first place.

My mood is dropping, but I think that's because I'm hungry. I've not eaten much today.

I want my tea, but I'm scared. Scared because I'll be fine if I eat a little, but if I eat loads, which I might because my dad's cooking my favourite meal, then I'll put weight on.

...