I finally did it..messed up big time and now he's gone... >_<
I didn't mean to upset him like i did, he wouldn't let me leave but just went ahead and left himself...i'm so stupid. I should just get on with things but i can't, instead i just sit here and drink vodka and SH, i'm such a fail :/
I don't know what i was thinking when i thought things were finally starting...

I missyou alot Bryan..please come back yuur my life. I want to die because Im without yuu plz talk to me I cant take this pain i see people who are always happy and it makes me sick my friends even got over their exs but im still in love with yuu and i dont want to be if yuur not in love with me i wanna die and die i want to make a sucode attempt again....but this time..yuu wont be able to save me...because yuu dnt care...i love yuu.i wish yui would read this....i wish soneomne would text yuu this...text...

Its not me its you. All the lies and things yuu put me thruu.
Lets get the story straight yuu were a poision flooding thruu my vaons
and now yuue gone and Im no longer chokcing.
ITS NOT ME IT YUU!!!!!!
Yuu left me all alone..my heart stops I already know..
Im sick and tired of mister maybe yuu never going to catch me cryyy
yuu made this mess yuurself
im sick and tired of picking up yuur dirty little pieces
pick them up yuurself jerkk
...

Why won't it all just stop? Why do I have to feel so trapped and empty? Why can't someone help me? Why do I keep breaking down? Why am I sometimes fine and then sometimes rock bottom? Why do I want to kill myself? Do I have anything to live for? Will it always be like this? I want to cry again. I think I'm going to cry again. But I've cried so much today the tears won't come. I'm scared for tomorrow. I don't want to go out with that group. I'm scared they'll all hate me. I'm scared they won't talk...

I want to talk to Pete. He was nice and he listened to me.

I've been stranded again just as all the shit comes pouring back on me.

It's not fair. I feel stupid and selfish saying that but it's not fair that when I was seeing him I was fine and as soon as I stop I want to die.

But I've finished school. So I don't get to see him. And I don't know what to do.

I'm trying so hard right now. I just don't think it will even be enough. It seems like no matter how hard i try or no matter what i do life has a way of saying. Emma you're not good enough! Makes me wonder why i even try anymore. Makes me feel useless, worthless, stupid. I feel like a failure. Probably because i am one.

Meh enough about me anyway i just want to say thanks to everyone whos been there for me and stuff. I love you so much and i wouldn't have made it this far without you....

Sorry is a wasted word, that doesnt want to be heard.
Dont try to make it up to me now, Im thruu with your games. I am taking my heart back.
Is this me being strong?
I love him, but I dont want to be hurt again. I dont want to fall into depression again. But he made me happy and sane sometimes. Hes messing with my emotions...
???

I hate being ugly.
I hate being fat.
I hate being horrible.
I hate being me.

[quote=Hopeyyy;664142]I just want somebody to make me laugh or smile? Please put some jokes or funny stories on hereee. Reply. Love yuu guys:dem