I should spend every day with my boyfriend. I eat pretty normally around him, he makes it easier because he loves how I look and always makes me feel good about myself.

But I know I'll be restricting tomorrow. I feel guilty about today and I can feel myself losing control. I don't want to gain. Even though I know I won't I'm still terrified.

I tried to talk to my mum again. She doesn't even let me start. I want to tell her that I counted out the pills, that I tried...

When my parents said they hadn't got me anything for my birthday i thought they were joking lol.
I wish they were at home with me, i don't care about the money or going out for dinner, i just want them both there and that would have been the perfect birthday.

But oh well, it's just another birthday, i'll have plenty more...

I thought I'd gained weight over my holiday, but actually I've lost it. I don't understand, because I ate so much. I mean, I didn't hit the guide line, but I ate seriously loads more than I normally do, and I still lost a decent amount. I don't understand. Does that mean to maintain I'll have to eat even more? Because I was struggling enough as it was to eat that amount. I mean, when I binge I can go forever, but when I'm eating normally, well I can't really eat normally. I always restrict in some...

Im so stupid. i want to kill myself again. i don't care anymore. i have cut 2 days in a row.I want to cut the deepest i can. i wish i could die. i noticed a couple days ago im so selfish.. everyone would be happy if i died.
I feel like i have done everything wrong in the past couple days. i can't do anything right.Everyone gets mad at me. Does anyone else ever feel like this?

School starts in almost a week. i don't want to go to school were i have to pretend im happy, and...