Not used by blade in 2 months...
Need it now... Need it bad...
Can't find it...
Don't know what to do...
Need pain... Need release...
Don't know where to look...
Real bad at finding things...
What's the point though?
Might as well not bother... Let myself explode...
Should just let myself go... bam

Last night I cut myself. First time in a long time. I don't remember why, or how. but its all the way up my arm. Today I woke up feeling... different. At peace somehow... Whats wrong with me?

I'm in the middle of a binge. I don't know what to do. I'm so confused. I want to be happy, but when I'm eating normally I'm not happy. I'm happy when I'm binging because I just forget about everything except the food, but I feel insanely guilty afterwards. I feel happy when I'm starving because I feel strong. But I can't keep that up. I always fail. I don't know how to be happy without being at these extremes.

And I've stopped eating right now, and I haven't eaten too much but I...