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Woke up surrounded by blood. Cut to deep last night. Felt good though all the pain, forgetting things for a while. I need to stop this but i can't. I am scared to let it go.... sh has been my coping stratagy for so long now. I would be lost without it. Yet its getting worse and worse. I am just so messed up right now. Don't know what to do. Don't know ho i am anymore. Just want this all to stop. Just want to sleep forever and never wake up. Never face this mess anymore. I am not strong enough to...

i need to learn when to shut up. i let my mouth run away with me again. i knew i should have stopped but i carried on i was telling myself to stop but i just kept going. I have now lost the only person who lives near me who i had any kind of support from. Well done emma...well fucking done...You're a stupid idiot. So now you are even more alone. Why do i have to screw up everything. As soon as anything is going ok. i just destroy it. I think i am scared that it won't last and feel that i don't deserve...

They know :|.....everybody knows. I can tell. My "so called" friend grassed on me today. It was the most awkward thing ever. I just want this all to stop now.
I went out and brought some sleeping pill well i say some i mean a hell of a lot. I just like the feeling of sleeping and never waking up again never having to suffer through this. I am pushing everyone away. I just want to be on my own now and sleep forever. It would probably be best for everyone anyway. Why would anyone...

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Why did i have to wake up today?
I'm so tired of always fighting, always been strong. I don't know how much longer i can do this for. I don't know how much longer i can pretend that i am ok. I just want this all to stop. I feel so useless and alone. I hate it. I hate myself. I destroy everything. Sometimes i wonder if i even deserve to be alive. I mean wouldn't everyone be better off without me? I just make everything worse. I can't do anything right.
I can't face today. My friend needs...

I hate this right now. I hate how i have become addicted and can't stop. I went and spent £30 on blades today. It was suprisingly easy. There not even supposed to sell them to me yet they did. I wish they didn't :/ I spent my lunch time slicing up my arm. My friend found out and now i'm petrified she's going to tell someone. She said we have to talk tomorrow and her and my other friend need to talk to me seriously about it. I wish they would stop worrying. I'm not worth it. I'm a pathetic mess....

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So thats another year that things didn't go very well. I purposely did not tell anyone in the hope that things would work out just for one year but that didn't work. My friend told everyone :| Ergh i hated the attention. Thats the last thing i need right now. I just want to dissapear. People i don't really talk to were saying Happy Birthday which is sweet don't get me wrong but i just didn't want to hear it. Whats happy about the day a huge mistake came into the world? Besides i only wanted to...

I had a really bad relapse today. Made myself sick :/ I haven't eaten since sunday. Then i eat and i make myself sick. I feel so stupid. All i seem to do nowadays is cut, starve myself and just hurt myself. I hate this. I know i need to change but i'm so scared to. I mean this is who i have been for so long. I don't know who i am if i stop this. People are starting to realise things are bad. I don't want anyone to know. So what if i have anorexia? So what if i have constant thoughts of killing myself....