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Disappointed in myself. (Trig?)
I've already withdrawn from my statistics course. I hate myself for having to withdraw, but if I didn't I'd have failed, and that would be even worse. I'm disappointed in myself for having to withdraw though and feel like a failure already just from doing that.
I want to cry but there isn't really anywhere private enough in a dorm to do that. I want to cut and honestly the only reason I'm not taking a blade to my skin right now is that I don't want to get blood on one of my favorite pairs of jeans since they're not black. :/ Maybe later. For now I just might go comfort eat or drown myself in homework that's not even due yet...
I'm down to taking four classes this semester for a total of twelve credits. The norm is fifteen, so I think next semester I will take eighteen credits to make up for it and get myself feeling back on track, unless I can take a 3-credit summer class. And I feel like eighteen credits will be a killer. Bye bye social life.
But God, if I can't even do this, if I can't even handle this, what chance do I have of handling anything in the future? I'm feeling mostly calm right now somehow but I know I'm going to dissolve into a mess pretty soon. Worthless. Failure. I should just give up while I'm ahead.
Starting to get a headache and I'm already exhausted when the day hasn't even started yet.
Edit: And suddenly I don't feel bad. Just physically exhausted. But it's still running through my head, if I made the right decision or not and wondering how badly this will mess me up in the long run. I'll probably start beating myself up over this soon.
I want to cry but there isn't really anywhere private enough in a dorm to do that. I want to cut and honestly the only reason I'm not taking a blade to my skin right now is that I don't want to get blood on one of my favorite pairs of jeans since they're not black. :/ Maybe later. For now I just might go comfort eat or drown myself in homework that's not even due yet...
I'm down to taking four classes this semester for a total of twelve credits. The norm is fifteen, so I think next semester I will take eighteen credits to make up for it and get myself feeling back on track, unless I can take a 3-credit summer class. And I feel like eighteen credits will be a killer. Bye bye social life.
But God, if I can't even do this, if I can't even handle this, what chance do I have of handling anything in the future? I'm feeling mostly calm right now somehow but I know I'm going to dissolve into a mess pretty soon. Worthless. Failure. I should just give up while I'm ahead.
Starting to get a headache and I'm already exhausted when the day hasn't even started yet.
Edit: And suddenly I don't feel bad. Just physically exhausted. But it's still running through my head, if I made the right decision or not and wondering how badly this will mess me up in the long run. I'll probably start beating myself up over this soon.
Total Comments 4
Comments
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I think you made the right decision. You said the professor was bad and statistics is a hard class to begin with. Try taking it again with a teacher who is better and see of that helps. And, stop being so hard on yourself. If you need anything I am here to talk.Posted September 17th 2014 at 09:51 PM by
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Dez you did make the right decision and maybe things will be better with that class later. You'll get through college just fine..it may not all ways be easy but in the end the reward is awesome! Hang in there! :)Posted September 18th 2014 at 02:36 AM by Thereishope 
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I withdrew from one of my classes when I was in undergrad. Since I waited until week 8 (it was a quarter system, so classes lasted for 10 weeks), I had a "W" on my transcript. I was sooo upset and worried that it would prevent me from getting accepted to grad school programs. Turns out I was wrong, and I got into my top choice a couple of years later!
The first semester (or quarter) of undergrad can be overwhelming! You're still getting used to living away from home (and sharing your living space with people you don't know very well), the academic bar is set higher than ever before, and if you don't get involved with extracurricular activities, college/university can be a very lonely place. My advice is to "keep calm and carry on" - cliché, I know, but once you start to get into a routine, I promise life won't seem quite as challenging! Anticipate the times when you'll probably feel more stressed out than usual (e.g., the week before final exams), and make sure you're getting extra support during those times. Remember to eat, drink, and sleep regularly - seriously, pulling all-nighters is NOT worth it. Any problem you face in college/university - well, ALMOST any problem - can be solved with some adjustments to your schedule/lifestyle.
As always, feel free to "pester" me with any random questions that come to mind. I'm happy to help out!
Posted September 21st 2014 at 02:11 AM by PSY
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Hey Dez, do not feel bad about having dropped the class. I withdrew from a class last semester at the very last minute and I regretted that choice. I spent most of the semester stuck in a class I only had a D in and that I only needed for elective credit. It was not worth me staying in that class so long and stressing out like I was. I withdrew on the last day possible and I probably should have after the first exam but I did not because I was going through the same thoughts in my head that you are experiencing about this. I thought I was a failure, that I was unable to succeed. Withdrawing brought me down to eleven credits and I felt so pathetic for that. Once I withdrew it took me a while to get comfortable with the idea that withdrawing is not bad, that many students do it and that it is better to withdraw than take a D or F.
I also would like to mention my freshman year. I was in a program for first-year students and I received a D in a class I was taking. It was dreadful because I could not drop the class (or else I would have been out of the program) and I wanted to stay in the program because everything else was fine) but I stuck with it and now I have a D on my transcript. Looking back now, I should have withdrawn but I did not even consider that option because it is normal to take sixteen credits here instead of twelve.
It is all a learning experience and it is okay if you are not taking the normal amount of credits because what matters most is that you are not overloading yourself with classes just so you can be like everyone else or just so you can graduate on time etc. I am taking twelve credits this semester because I am taking Statistics and I require a lot of accommodations (I cannot even do the homework by myself because it is in an online system that I am not able to access with any of my programs) and so I have found a lighter class load to be helpful.
You do not know how the rest of this semester will go. I'm not saying anything bad will happen--I'm just saying that you need to do what is best for you and you did that by withdrawing.
Keep getting support from people at your college, involve yourself in clubs and activities (being just a studying person is not the best idea) you need fun in your life too. Take advantage of counseling services offered on campus and see how they can help you. Maybe they can recommend a professor for Statistics that is not so challenging.
Also, I am in the class right now so if you take it in the future, I may be able to help.Posted September 28th 2014 at 01:44 PM by Philomath
