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Old

An update on my father

Posted June 18th 2018 at 02:54 AM by Ennui. (Rantings of a Mermaid Princess)

I don't think this is triggering but if anyone is triggered by medical related things, this will be talking about some! Also a mention of food/weight related issues pertaining to myself, but no numbers!

I checked my mom's phone last night to make sure she didn't miss any calls from the hospital since her hearing isn't the greatest. My dad had texted her around 8:30 PM, joking that he's eating ice chips with no salt (since salt and heart issues are bad). I thought, "LOL, asshole,"...
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Living the dream.
Posted in Uncategorized
Views 1447 Comments 2 Ennui. is offline
Old

My father is in the hospital (trig illness, grieving)

Posted June 17th 2018 at 05:54 AM by Ennui. (Rantings of a Mermaid Princess)

To preface this, my father has had trouble breathing for the past few weeks but was too stubborn to go to the hospital. We thought maybe it was his COPD or the fact he's under a lot of stress at work and eventually made a doctor's appointment for him.

However, he ended up at the hospital Saturday morning unable to breathe. I woke up to a missed text from my mother saying she was taking him in. So I call her and she casually says that he's in congestive heart failure, "but that's...
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Living the dream.
Posted in Uncategorized
Views 1043 Comments 5 Ennui. is offline
Old

I went out last night. (TW - Substances - Alcohol)

Posted April 16th 2018 at 04:58 AM by Ennui. (Rantings of a Mermaid Princess)
Updated April 16th 2018 at 05:17 AM by Ennui.

I went out last night with some of my friends from school. Another friend of mine who is mutual friends with most of my friends happens to live in the same city as me brought me up to campus. There were a few people I really wished I could have seen but they had other plans so weren't around. So that did make me sad, but I was very happy to see the people I did.

Some of my friends started drinking before we even went out. I had one sip and that was it because I didn't want a repeat...
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Living the dream.
Posted in Uncategorized
Views 826 Comments 1 Ennui. is offline
Old

I'm settling.

Posted April 10th 2018 at 03:42 AM by Ennui. (Rantings of a Mermaid Princess)

I might also write this in to HelpLINK.

The depression is still hitting hard since I graduated. I really feel like I have nothing to live for.

I applied for a job as a health aide for the city health department but I didn't get it. My sister also decided to transfer Amazon building so even when I get a start date I probably can't work there unless someone is willing to pick me up at 11 PM each night. But my mom doesn't drive at night that often and my dad wakes up early...
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Living the dream.
Posted in Uncategorized
Views 749 Comments 0 Ennui. is offline
Old

I'm tired of being a failure.

Posted March 17th 2018 at 04:42 AM by Ennui. (Rantings of a Mermaid Princess)

My anxiety and depression are ruining my life. I can't function anymore. I'm tired of being such a failure.

My learner's permit expires May 14 and I doubt I'm going to get my license before then so I might as well dump my money on going through the whole thing again.

I doubt I'll get this job. And it's difficult to find others when I refuse to work retail or food service, am not certified for other jobs I really want, and don't have a driver's license.

...
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Living the dream.
Posted in Uncategorized
Views 698 Comments 3 Ennui. is offline
Old

I'm tired of the depression. (Triggering)

Posted February 27th 2018 at 03:45 AM by Ennui. (Rantings of a Mermaid Princess)
Updated February 27th 2018 at 05:19 AM by Ennui.

First blog using my new theme. Shoutout to the person who organized this for me!

The depression has been back in varying degrees since I graduated in December. I have nothing to do. I got a job at Amazon and it's been about a month since my drug test results showed that I'm not on drugs and I got my official offer to work. However, I still haven't gotten a start date. Fortunately they email me an update every week saying that they don't have a date for me yet either because they...
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Living the dream.
Posted in Uncategorized
Views 500 Comments 1 Ennui. is offline
Old

Standstill (trig in parts?)

Posted January 8th 2018 at 04:30 AM by Ennui. (Rantings of a Mermaid Princess)

I finished school on the fourteenth of December. I know that wasn't that long ago but I am already in a standstill.

I applied for three jobs. I know two of them were out of my league, but I worked at the company before so I was hoping I'd get a leg up. The other was the YMCA in my city as a front-desk person about a week or two ago and I haven't gotten a call back.

I don't know where else to apply. The local health departments around here aren't hiring, the nonprofits...
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Living the dream.
Posted in Uncategorized
Views 557 Comments 0 Ennui. is offline
Old

Off my meds. (Trig?)

Posted November 7th 2017 at 04:19 AM by Ennui. (Rantings of a Mermaid Princess)

I am off my meds totally now after weaning off and the depression has already hit. I'm angry, sad, miserable. I have been having self harm urges but since it's been almost two and a half years I never have my tools on me anymore. I'm starting to think about taking them again.

I give up on learning how to drive. I accidentally hit the gas instead of the brake. We were in reverse so we reversed fast and almost went up and over a curb. I'll never get my license which means I'll never get...
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Living the dream.
Posted in Uncategorized
Views 462 Comments 1 Ennui. is offline
Old

Things I'll probably never say to you. (Triggering?)

Posted April 16th 2017 at 03:07 AM by Ennui. (Rantings of a Mermaid Princess)

I still don't know what happened to drive you to the point of needing to go the hospital and it leaves me confused. You seemed pretty fine when I was hanging out with you earlier the day before and then that night when I was at someone else's dorm and ended up throwing up there, it seems like everything broke loose. I said that I wouldn't be at breakfast because I wanted to make sure that was the last of it and you flipped out and said nobody cared about breakfast anyway, even though there are times...
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Living the dream.
Posted in Uncategorized
Views 422 Comments 3 Ennui. is offline
Old

Negative, selfish emotions. (Triggering)

Posted April 4th 2017 at 07:07 PM by Ennui. (Rantings of a Mermaid Princess)

So one of my best friends is bipolar and she's been pretty depressed since the semester started. She went off her meds too because they were making her feel worse and she got frustrated and all that.

It all came to a tipping point on Sunday and I'm not really sure what happened to cause it. I had thrown up in my other friend's dorm Sunday night and so I mentioned in a group chat I have with the depressed friend that I wouldn't be going to breakfast because even though I felt better...
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Living the dream.
Posted in Uncategorized
Views 330 Comments 0 Ennui. is offline
 
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