Log in (
*trig* Burdens.
Posted June 13th 2012 at 03:13 AM by escape♥
Updated June 13th 2012 at 03:42 AM by Storyteller. (Weight numbers are against the ToS.)
Updated June 13th 2012 at 03:42 AM by Storyteller. (Weight numbers are against the ToS.)
Tags bulimia, eating disorder, recovery
So, I have an eating disorder. That is still so hard to just, type. I still think of people with eating disorders as [edited], and beautiful. But thats not always the case, like me for instance.
Today has been, difficult. My parents made me clean my room. and I kept finding little trinkets from when my eating disorder had control of my life. It was really triggering.
For example, the body spray that smells like brown sugar and cinnamon I would use, the pen I would use to write the total number of calories for the day on my palm, the shorts that fit, that now don't
, etc etc. It was hard. I forced myself to eat, and then we went out to dinner, and I pushed the thoughts out of my mind. But I feel so extremely guilty, and I can still feel all that fucking food in my stomach. I could go purge right now and be okay.
I could do it. There's really no reason not to.
But I'm such a wimp. I've never really been big on purging, only for emergancies, and certain instances. Most of the time I would just binge and starve, or binge and purge. Like clockwork. Every day, every hour, every week., every month.
Now I don't do that anymore, but for the strangest reason I wish I did. I want to feel the pain of hunger, the stares of my parents, the emptyness of my body. I want to starve. I want to count, and see the results on the scale. I want to obsess over everything.
I WANT TO BE THIN.
I want my bulimia back.
I have an eating disorder.
Total Comments 3
Comments
-
Hey there, we are here for you. Recovery is possible, and you deserve it! I really want to say congratulations on not purging today, that was REALLY strong of you, and you deserve to be happy with yourself for being as strong as you were. Remember, I'm here for you, and so is this site. You can do it!
Posted June 13th 2012 at 08:13 AM by Coffee.
-
Thanks for all the support
Is it normal to want all that stuff? 
Posted June 13th 2012 at 12:01 PM by escape♥
-
For somebody suffering from an eating disorder, it is very normal to have urges, even after they have started recovery. My recommendation is to find some type of coping mechanism for the urges. I made this thread a long time ago with ideas, so maybe some of those may help.Posted June 13th 2012 at 10:39 PM by Coffee.
