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I'm proud......Or am I? *(possibly trig)*
Posted June 19th 2012 at 09:20 PM by escape♥
Tags eating, eating disorder, jelly, peanut butter, recovery
It's raining like the world's ending. I love it. 
I'm proud of myself in a sense. Today, I was restricting. Counting every calorie, feeling the emptyness, counting my excersize, etc. I was doing SO WELL. 
But then I decided I was hungry, and I realized, do I really want to go back to that? Do I really want to have to explain to my parents yet again why I am doing this? Do I really want this? And I decided, No. I don't want this. I just want to be perfect and that's impossible. So, I ate a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. An ungodly amount of calories for a snack, but I was hungry, dizzy, and weak. So I ate it. And I didn't eat it slow or drink water in between every bite. I ate it. I just, ate it. It was good and now I'm not hungry dizzy or weak. But now I'm feeling extremely guilty. I'm glad I'm going back to therapy, I want to get better (in one point of view). I'm tired of living this way, its terribly exhausting. Plus, I hate being controlled by my eating disorder. I hate it. But I love it too. So I don't know. But at least I ate more today than planned. 
I'm proud of myself in a sense. Today, I was restricting. Counting every calorie, feeling the emptyness, counting my excersize, etc. I was doing SO WELL. But then I decided I was hungry, and I realized, do I really want to go back to that? Do I really want to have to explain to my parents yet again why I am doing this? Do I really want this? And I decided, No. I don't want this. I just want to be perfect and that's impossible. So, I ate a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. An ungodly amount of calories for a snack, but I was hungry, dizzy, and weak. So I ate it. And I didn't eat it slow or drink water in between every bite. I ate it. I just, ate it. It was good and now I'm not hungry dizzy or weak. But now I'm feeling extremely guilty. I'm glad I'm going back to therapy, I want to get better (in one point of view). I'm tired of living this way, its terribly exhausting. Plus, I hate being controlled by my eating disorder. I hate it. But I love it too. So I don't know. But at least I ate more today than planned. 
Total Comments 3
Comments
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Proud of you beautiful <3
You can do this, keep kicking ED in the butt
Posted June 20th 2012 at 11:47 AM by Kindred
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Aww <3 Thank you. I WILL!!Posted June 20th 2012 at 11:50 AM by escape♥
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You should be proud of yourself
Good for you
Posted June 24th 2012 at 03:16 AM by PichiPichiHanon
