Why do I make myself feel

unwanted, hated, untouchable, disgusting?

Nobody else does that to me; I do it to myself. Because people shouldn’t want me, should hate me… But when they love me anyway, shouldn’t I give them that credit? Let them help me, when that makes them happy?

Maybe if I were less selfish. I’d deserve it enough to be able to believe it.

Why do I make myself feel

unwanted, hated, untouchable, disgusting?

Nobody else does that to me; I do it to myself. Because people shouldn’t want me, should hate me… But when they love me anyway, shouldn’t I give them that credit? Let them help me, when that makes them happy?

Maybe if I were less selfish. I’d deserve it enough to be able to believe it.

Today was good.
No tears at all this week. I am mighty proud of myself. Even if I don't know how I am doing it.
Almost cried yesterday, felt the tears in my eyes. But I held it in and went to sleep. I forget why I almost cried anyway. Haha.
I don't what is happening to me. I am changing, it's for the better, but I don't know why I am. Maybe all the advice has finally kicked in. Who knows.
Not going to dwell on the thought.
Today I cleaned my room and...

My life has gotten to a new low. So much worse. My dad decided he wanted to have dinner with me and my mom. (They have been divorced for a long time) He told me they were going to talk to me about my happiness. I was already thought 'oh crap, i really don't want to this'. So we ate then my dad said 'i know you are going to hate me for this, but i read your email' At this time i got and ran to my room crying. I knew he had found out something bad. I locked my bedroom, and was prepared not to come...

So, it was supposed to snow. And it did. And we didn't have a delay. I was really bitchy that day and was mouthy all day to the point I got grounded and my brother in law came upstairs screaming at me. Cool. Whatever. I didn't really care and don't really give a shit about what they have to say (maybe my brother in law, he's actually threatening when he yells).

One of the things my brother in law said to me pissed me off. I told him I didn't know why I was sad and he said bullshit,...

Source: Notice | Facilitated Chat Room Discussions.


There are three scheduled discussions on the topic of dealing with triggers in the Chat Room for users to seek advice and share thoughts and ideas! The first discussion will be held at 8pm UK time (GMT/UTC), the second will be held at 8pm Eastern US time (EST), and the third will be held at 8pm Pacific US time (PST). All you...

So...this week. Whoa!
I don't know what to think really. At the beginning of the week, Jose and I broke up. He broke up with me. He had said so many offending things, whom may offend some of you here, so don't take it to the heart. :
"Things never happen the same way twice."-Him
"Rape victims get raped twice. Things happen."-Me
"It's their fault, think about it."-Him.

He said many other things than that. He sent me a whole...

Wow, had the most wonderful day ever -_-
First of all my tutor had a go at me over the most ridiculous thing ever, and it shouldn't have upset me but it did.
I then thought that things were going to get better and people actually let me sit with them and were talking to me, but no i was wrong, soon enough they all left and started ignoring me. But i was fine with it because i needed to do work anyway.

But the one thing that really got to me, I asked my friend what she did...

This time last year..
You broke my heart.
Tore it apart.
I was screaming at the top of my lungs.
Cussing at my mom.
Crying myself to sleep...
Cutting my whole arm up...
And, wanting to die...


I miss you...

Today has been so horrible, spent all of it alone and wanting to cry.
I cut at school and my head of house noticed >_< I felt so stupid and pathetic.

I want to take more pills and cut...i'm trying so hard to hang in there but failing miserably