Today was nice. Went out with my family. Not E, though, thank goodness. She does my head in.

Tomorrow looks like it's gonna be pretty shit though. Was gonna spend the day with J, but now his mum, brother and brother's friend are gonna be tagging along. Which means I'll have to eat in front of them. Which is not going to be fun. And they're gonna be in the cinema with us. Looks like it's not going to be the day of just us that we planned.

Who gives a shit, though. Who...

Back on track to lose weight.

Having that goal makes me feel happy.

Won't get to see a counsellor for ages, perhaps not even ever again.

There's nothing wrong with me. I feel empty, not depressed. I'm angry, not sad. I cut and I don't even feel really depressed. I just feel empty.

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I finished compulsory education today, i said for years this was going to be one of the happiest days of my life but i'm not that excited.
The leavers assembly made everyone cry as it had pictures of my old form tutor who died on there and us from when we had just started high school, but it was brilliant. We all came out of school at 12 o clock and didn't know what to do,...

I am so tired, in everyway possible. Feel so incredibly weak. Can't hold on much longer.

Kept my promise though admitted some things and that i am struggling a lot right now. Don't think i deserve the help though.

Went and sat next to the train track yesterday. Went So Tempting, going back tomorrow after my exam. No point as i will fail it anyway :/ ...

I want to die... I want to die now... I've been so so stupid! I was in the library with my friends at lunch and I got my blade out and cut my friends leg... (with permission) and then she cut my hand and my leg and then I just needed to cut and I made 2 really deep cuts on my leg and they watched and it felt soooooooooooo good and now I have cuts which mum will be able to see and I have blood down my leg and I think they all know I'm a freak now... I've been physically shaking, I don't know why...

I'm laying on my bed feeling awful. I'm totally stuffed up. I keep coughing and sneezing and it's making me feel sick. All this is making my head hurt and I just want to cry. I hate being sick!
Someone send me hugs and make me feel better? Please?

I've been having these dreams lately. I've had the same dreams for several years. Well not the same dream. But the same girl is in all of them. They had stopped for awhile. But they started again last night. She's always running up ahead of me, and then turning around and flashing me a teasing come find me smile. Nicky said it's prolly someone that I passed on the street or something. But I know its not. I would remember seeing her.

She is unmistakable. It's not her looks so much,...

I had some great fun posting pictures on every single staffies wall! It's cause they are all amazing I hope you all feel special!

so about last month the school nurse called me down and told me to pull up my selves and she saw all my cuts and the only reason i keep it a secret was so that i didnt get my mom in trouble. i had told my mom many times i need to talk to someone about my problems and i didnt trust her enough to talk to her anymore
so anyway the nurse sent me to the guidance office and they called my mom and told her. well now that i started talking to them.. CPS (child protected services) just called about...