Most of yesterday was a bad day.

It started out bright and early in the morning. My dad and I work in the same place but we stopped at the gas station beforehand. He parked the truck at one of the stations and went inside to give the people cash so he could pump. Well, the truck started rolling while I was inside of it. I guess it wasn't fully in the "park" gear or something. I don't know how to drive and forgot what to do in order to make it stop rolling so I got out of...

I'm too tired and ill to function. I'm off my meds so my mood is rock bottom. I can't see any way through this. I feel suicidal again. It doesn't feel like there's any other way out. I can't do this. I have so much to do just to be able to get by, like contacting my landlords, sorting out a new phone, cleaning the entire house, sorting out a new debit card so I can pay rent. I can't cope because that's too much to do while I'm this ill, but I have an illness that no one fucking believes in so there's...

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I'm having lots of trouble sleeping at the moment. It really sucks. I'm sat here watching the regular show, eating chocolate spread and feeling miserable at 4 am because I'm out of meds.

I need to get more meds. I wish they could give me something to help me sleep as well.

I wish I could always sleep, I wish I never had to be awake.

I feel shit.

I had a date with Alex today. They took me out in the wheelchair and we had bubble tea and Chinese take out and watched Rent (which made me cry so much).

It was really nice.

I also went to the doctors to get my prescription, but they fucked up and I still don't have my antidepressants. I feel to anxious to go and make an appointment which is bad because I'm already battling suicidal feelings without them.

I think the doctors hate me. It's because they...

I've felt okay. Work has kept me pretty busy. My routine on the weekdays has become something like, wake up, go to work, come home and take a nap, wake up from nap to eat, then go to sleep soon after. It doesn't really give me much time to feel bad. Before I started work I felt suicidal, so I guess being kept busy is okay. I have had some triggers, but I've been mostly okay I guess. I do have my days. I also like all my coworkers so it's nice to joke around with them and talk. The job though, don't...

I should be asleep. I find it hard enough to get up in the mornings without having a late night. But I'm still awake. And I feel like shit. I know it's because I ran out of meds so I haven't taken any in a couple of days. Which sucks. If I can last till Tuesday, I should get more then.

I wish Alex was here. I really need cuddles. I guess that's the problem with being poly. It's not my turn tonight.

I feel like self harming, but that's abuse right? Even though it's not...

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I just
It's been a lot
I got back with Evan so that's a plus
I've passed my college classes, barely, so that's a plus.
I got pneumonia and for that reason I needed to quit my summer job
I can't escape my mom so she degrades me everyday
My therapist says mother's verbal abuse is just her way of saying I love you.
Of course how could I be so blind of course yelling at your child that she's useless and will never be a functioning member of society is...

A couple of weeks ago, my fiancé, Jon, came home from A-School. He had a week of leave time, which, of course, we spent together. But that isn't the best part; I won't say what city or State I live in, but he's been stationed HERE, where we both have lived our entire lives. He was stationed only a 30 minute drive from where I live! I was so worried about leaving home, worried that I might have to move far away, but now we can stay here, with our families! Well, for now, at least.
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