I want to write but I can't sort the thoughts out enough to get the words into any semblance of sense and it's going a bit quick, there's a lot happening, a lot in my head, JUST GO WITH IT, it's all pretty good I feel good I feel good I feel good.

I kept running instead of walking, what adults run? Run to DBT run around in DBT run to have a smoke run back from a smoke talk so much can't stay still positive positive optimistic I live I will live I have lived. Alive.

...

I'd heard of Amanda Todd before, but I never really knew her story. I am on the verge of tears. I want nothing more than to give her a hug.
But along with this desperate compassion, I'm so angry. There is a burning rage at the people that made this girl, this poor girl, take her own life. I saw the teens react for it as well. People don't understand when they say "tell your parents, it WILL help" or "It DOES get better". It probably will help, it probably will get better....

Got back from school :/ I decided to make this blog because its a place to basically to whinge and moan about my life without annoying anyone.

No cigarettes today I can't now, my mum is home. I'm glad to say I'm genuinely not addicted, but just do it occasionally for the release. Its a disgusting habit, I know, but it calms me down. Plus, there are no scars on the outside.

My insecurities are really getting me down. Even half way through a conversation with people...

I'm falling apart.
I can't take this anymore.
Really.
I've lost J.
We're going to lose our house.
We're going to lose everything.
And I have no way of escaping it.
I have no possible way of leaving and just running away to somewhere new and nice and secure.
I just don't understand why I have to suffer this way.
Why.
What did I do to deserve this?
I don't understand.
I'm tired of crying.
I'm tired of looking at the white...

Uni's great don't get me wrong and I've met so many amazing people and have some really close friends but I feel so alone. I don't know how I can feel alone with so many people around me but I do.
I relapsed badly and my hips are quite infected and so painful but I feel so stupid and can't do much about it.

I don't want to be here anymore... :/

I'm riding a motherfucking roller-coaster, not sure if want, no way off . . .

So lemme tell you about my weekend. Because Friday it was . . . well it was fairly awful, and by the end of the day I felt sick as a dog, all nauseated and gross and terrible, so I had some toast and went to bed just after 6 PM. I stayed in bed until 10 AM on Saturday, then I had to get up and get ready for the wedding.

Oh yeah, my body did this awesome trick where is turns out Saturday was...

i feel so worthless right now.. i cut again yesterday and i hate myself so much for that but then i also want to cut again. i have been feeling so shitty the past couple days, and no one but best friend has noticed. my best friend has cut this week as well and i'm worried about her. her mom took away her phone yesterday (i don't know why yet) but i just hope that she won't again or worse. And i'm like 8 hours away from her, i miss her already.
i keep going between thinking that i want to...

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I really don't know how to start this off.... Lately, I've just been feeling down, and shedding tears at least a few times during the past weeks that have gone by. I've come to the realization that high school isn't the right environment for me to be looking for a meaningful relationship. Majority of the people there are just really immature, and I feel like I'm the ONLY one at my school that's a lot more mature for my age. I feel like there's no one for me there. It's hard accepting that...

I just feel so much at once but yet nothing at all. Depressed and heavy and tired and dead and emotionless and anxious and overwhelmed and unmotivated and uncaring but too caring ant the same time and I have too much to do in no time and don't want to do any of it but yet have to do all of it and kind of want to do all of it at the same time. Need a break. Will never get one.