Okay, so you might not be aware of this, but I've headaches most days for the last couple of months, along with feeling tired and generally energy-less - even though I've been sleeping. You also might not know that I finally went to the doctor about the abominable abdominal cramps I experience when I get my period.

So, at the doctors, got sent for blood tests. Three. Once for a full count plus assorted hormones, one for progesterone about a week before my period, and one for FSH between...

Darth Vader: Don’t be too proud of this technological terror you’ve constructed. The ability to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the power of the Force.
Admiral Motti: Don’t try to frighten us with your sorcerous ways, Lord Vader. Your sad devotion to that ancient religion has not helped you conjure up the stolen data tapes, or given you clairvoyance enough to find the rebels’ hidden fortress…
[Vader makes a pinching motion and Motti starts choking] ...

Im Sorry
Im sorry I failed
I really did try
But I'm not good enough
I gave in

I want to scream at myself
For giving in
But the temptation was strong
Too strong for me

I look at my wrist
The marks of self harm
Freshly painted
On my now flawed skin

I cover them up with bracelets
No one notices
Or no one cares
Probably both

But to the people that do...

So I had stitches again, just over 3 weeks ago. A lot of other stuff happened too, although I don't remember precisely what, I do remember that I rang Debbie that Friday and we talked about how I'd said that I don't see self-harm as being beneficial for me long-term. Well, she said, what if we do a trial of not self-harming for a while? So that instead of being faced with stopping permanently all at once, I could attack it in more achievable amounts of time. We settled on a month. And so that there's...

Let the sun rise before we close our eyes,
Let's feel the poison in our viens & cry out for help,
Sharing warm alcohol on the floor, with bottles & money strung all over
Let the rain come down & wash away the sins.

It's all fun & games, the "high life" they call it,
Wandering around like idiots in the streets, drunk & wobbling
Forget education, friends, family
It's all about what you want, and when you want it...

Another poem. Sorry if its really long. This one is called Who I Am.

I am spiraling
Down, not up
I can't take myself
I need to cut

I look at the razor in my hand
A memory flashes through my mind
Selfish, rude, unloyal friend
Is my mom right? Am I these thing?

Another memory attack.
Stupid school bullies
I'm a nerd. Too sensitive
I don't belong

I'm all alone
Physically...

Source: Notice | Facilitated Chat Room Discussions.


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For those of you who haven't been following our Social Networking pages, this is what we've been posting about over the last month:

August 7th: BUSTED: Think the IUD is dangerous? Think again! Get the facts about the intrauterine device (IUD)....

Hi everyone. Again. Probably no one actually reads this, but I'm posting it anyways.

It four AM right now, and I can't sleep. Too many flash backs. Nightmares. Grr I'm a mess. Anyways, I wrote another poem. This one is called
Leave Me Alone

Is it ever going to end
I can't take these memories
Get out of my head
I can't stand the intrusion

To many memories
Too painful to think
Too hurtful to try and do anything...

So. I realized how much of an idiot I am and how anxiety is going to consume me this year and how I just can't handle it anymore and there's nothing I can do to fix it. I just have to live with it but it's getting worse and I don't know what do do.

Had to submit my summer math packet in school today so I went into the library to do it and then the library was closed so I started getting nervous because this was one of the few study halls I had to submit it before the 10th. This one,...