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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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TW for family diseases: Should I talk to my family about this? - March 31st 2021, 07:47 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I just saw a report my parents were hiding which shows my dad has heart issues. I googled the meaning of it and it sounds serious, I know Google tends to exaggerate things but the heart is so delicate. My grandpa (My dad's dad) also has heart issues and my grandma too, but my dad is young he is like 45. Google says his condition makes people survive at most 10 years. If I talk to them about this I am pretty sure I will cry so I am not sure if I should talk to them since they obviously don't want me to know. Additionally I think it will make my dad feel worse if he sees me crying over this. On the other hand if I do not talk to them about it I think talking to my dad or seeing him will make me cry too. Should I keep quiet or not? I am just not ready for my dad to die, he has worked so hard. He came from a Latin American country in which he was poor and has been working as a construction worker and electrician all his life. He always wanted to go to Egypt and he has not been able to do it. I am just shocked finding this out, the report is from today by the way so it is recent.
   
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Re: TW for family diseases: Should I talk to my family about this? - April 1st 2021, 12:24 AM

If he is just finding this information out (given that the report is dated for today), I would not be to hard on yourself that your dad/parents did not tell you yet.
Finding out those types of things can be hard, specially for parents or loved ones knowing they have family, it can take time to process themselves before telling others.
Give him some time to tell you, if he doesn't on his own, Its your dad, talk to him by the sound of it your close, and when he is ready I am sure he will tell you. If your not ready for that and maybe you want to try talking to your other parent, could help get some emotions out.
Sometimes its needed time for processing, and that's okay.
Heart issues can be serious, but can be lived with. Don't get worked up before talking to one of your parents, it might not be something he cant live with.
I hope this helps.
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Re: TW for family diseases: Should I talk to my family about this? - April 1st 2021, 07:40 AM

Hello Gris and welcome to Teen Help

Since all this health information recently came to your parents' knowledge, it will as it is natural, take some time to for them to process the news. Your father will, I'm sure, explain to you, but when he feels the time is right. A similar situation happened to me when I was a lot younger, but mum and I were very close. She told me about her heart condition, taking some time off work to talk when I was a preteen, just her and me. I'm very grateful she did.

After your father has talked to you, it would be good to settle your mind if you make an appointment to consult your doctor to determine whether or not your father's heart condition may affect you in later life. You may be referred to a pediatrician, and these doctors for young people under 18 are wonderful.

There are, a pediatrician will explain, simple tests such as an electrocardiogram (ECG) that is used to check your heart's rhythm and electrical activity. Also a blood sample which only feels like a little scratch as the phlebotomist finds a vein in your arm to take some blood. 'Phlebots' are very highly skilled healthcare people who use tiny needles. I hardly felt anything when blood samples were taken from me, so this is my assuring you. You have no need to worry.

I have already discussed my health situation with my doctor, a pediatrician which, as described by Google, "A pediatrician is trained to diagnose and treat a broad range of childhood illnesses, from minor health problems to serious diseases."

I agree with what Christine said, and not to get too wound up before one of your parents talk to you. But they'll need time to process all this in their own time first, so don't worry unduly.

My parents died a few years ago, but of different illnesses. I'm a young teenager still trying to make sense and logic out of my mother and father's lifestyles. It's not an easy task, but given time all our worries and concerns are a doable.

If you want to talk, drop by and leave a visitor message or private message. I may not be here tomorrow as my church will be having a special meeting. But I will be here sometime over the weekend.

All my best

Tommy.
   
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Re: TW for family diseases: Should I talk to my family about this? - April 1st 2021, 05:15 PM

Your parents may be hiding the report from you as to not worry you. They don't want their child worrying about health problems when they're so young. You finding out the way you did must have been very difficult for you. I don't blame you for the way you feel.

Whether or not you choose to speak with your parents about your discovery is entirely your choice. If the report is fairly new, they may be trying to come to terms with the situation themselves before they try to talk to you about it. They may not even know how to yet.

You could approach them and be upset with them, or you could let them find the time to talk to you about it when they're ready to do so. However, I would like to point out that you talking to them about what you've found may be a huge weight off their shoulders. Sure you may cry and be very upset, but they may already find it hard trying to think of how to approach you with such bad news. Making them aware you know, isn't always a bad thing.

If you don't want to approach him just yet, you could consider speaking to a doctor and discussing your discovery with them. See if you can ask them for more information on the subject and see if there's any way you could make your father's life more comfortable, and help support him.


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Re: TW for family diseases: Should I talk to my family about this? - April 1st 2021, 07:25 PM

I'm sorry that you've had to find this out in the way you did. I can't imagine how hard that must be to deal with. The worry and upset you're going through must be so tough. Please know if you ever need to talk about anything you can message me any time. I'm always happy to listen if that would help at all.

I think whether you'd like to ask thm about it or not is entirely your choice, and I'm not sure there is a right or wrong thing to do in this case. Your family probably have, in their minds, a very good reason for not talking to you about it yet, which some posts above have said. They might need some time to come to terms with it and figure out how to have the conversation with you, or they might just want to protect you from worrying constantly about something that is out of your control. But understandably, this involves you too because it is your dad, and of course you love him and want him to be well. So I understand why not knowing is hard.

I think it's important to know that, regardless of whether you choose to talk to them either now or some time in the future, being upset is completely okay and understandable. Please don't feel like you can't cry. Crying is a healthy way to deal with upsetting things, and as much as it's never nice for someone who loves you to see you hurting, that doesn't mean you can't feel how you do and express it.

I think Sarah's idea of speaking to a doctor about the condition so you're more clued up is a really good one too. It'll help you prepare for what the future might hold, good or bad, but it also might offer you insights into how medicine is evolving to make life with a condition more livable and comfortable.

I hope you're doing okay. As I say, please feel free to reach out any time you like, and please know you can cry as much as you need and it will always be okay to do so. Look after yourself.



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Re: TW for family diseases: Should I talk to my family about this? - April 2nd 2021, 03:18 PM

Hey there, thank you for reaching out. I'm so sorry you found out about your dad's condition this way. It's possible they haven't told you yet because they don't want you worrying. The thought of losing a parent can be scary, as you already said; but you're still really young and I think your parents are wanting you to focus on the things that matter to you now. They probably feel it wouldn't be fair to put the burden on you as you're only sixteen.

However, I would still suggest reaching out to your parents and talking to them about this. Don't make it sound like you're accusing them of hiding this from you. Plus, if the diagnosis is fairly recent, they're probably still processing it; so give them a week or two before you sit down and discuss it with them.

I'm thinking of you and your family.

Feel free to reach out again if needed. Take care.


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Re: TW for family diseases: Should I talk to my family about this? - April 4th 2021, 05:15 AM

Hi Gris,

Thank you for reaching out to us on TeenHelp. I'm sorry that you had to find out about your father's condition in this manner. I think the others have given some really good ideas and advice; I'll just share my two cents as well.

First of all, I think you're a very caring daughter. Naturally, you want him to live a healthy, fulfilling life. Thus, you're justified to feel indignant or upset about what has happened.

However, like some others have mentioned, your parents perhaps aren't intentionally hiding it from you. Seeing that the report was very new, perhaps they were also coming to terms with the diagnosis. It must be as shocking for them as it is for you.

That being said, since you've found out about it incidentally, I'd think that it wouldn't be a bad idea to bring it up to your parents. It's absolutely natural for you to be feeling this way - torn between concern towards your father's health and not being able to talk about it. I'm usually of the opinion that it's best to speak up when something is bothering you, and I would suggest the same here. The whole situation is no doubt overwhelming, but it speaking up about it with your parents might lessen the load and ease your mind. After all, you are expressing your concern, and your parents might appreciate that.

It's been a few days since your original post; I hope you are doing well and that things are better now. Feel free to PM any of us if you'd like to chat about anything!


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Re: TW for family diseases: Should I talk to my family about this? - April 9th 2021, 11:56 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sprite-1 View Post
Hello Gris and welcome to Teen Help

Since all this health information recently came to your parents' knowledge, it will as it is natural, take some time to for them to process the news. Your father will, I'm sure, explain to you, but when he feels the time is right. A similar situation happened to me when I was a lot younger, but mum and I were very close. She told me about her heart condition, taking some time off work to talk when I was a preteen, just her and me. I'm very grateful she did.

After your father has talked to you, it would be good to settle your mind if you make an appointment to consult your doctor to determine whether or not your father's heart condition may affect you in later life. You may be referred to a pediatrician, and these doctors for young people under 18 are wonderful.

There are, a pediatrician will explain, simple tests such as an electrocardiogram (ECG) that is used to check your heart's rhythm and electrical activity. Also a blood sample which only feels like a little scratch as the phlebotomist finds a vein in your arm to take some blood. 'Phlebots' are very highly skilled healthcare people who use tiny needles. I hardly felt anything when blood samples were taken from me, so this is my assuring you. You have no need to worry.

I have already discussed my health situation with my doctor, a pediatrician which, as described by Google, "A pediatrician is trained to diagnose and treat a broad range of childhood illnesses, from minor health problems to serious diseases."

I agree with what Christine said, and not to get too wound up before one of your parents talk to you. But they'll need time to process all this in their own time first, so don't worry unduly.

My parents died a few years ago, but of different illnesses. I'm a young teenager still trying to make sense and logic out of my mother and father's lifestyles. It's not an easy task, but given time all our worries and concerns are a doable.

If you want to talk, drop by and leave a visitor message or private message. I may not be here tomorrow as my church will be having a special meeting. But I will be here sometime over the weekend.

All my best

Tommy.


I'm sorry that happened to you. I'm new to this so I hope you get this and I'm replying correctly. I hope your situation gets better
   
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