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Sex and Puberty For questions related to sex, puberty, and similar topics, ask here!

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Letting a guy touch your breasts - August 30th 2010, 09:29 PM

I wonder what people think about a situation like this. I was hanging out with this guy who I ended up giving a handjob to. He's just a guy I know, not a BF. So yes it was a casual handjob. While I was doing it he wanted me to take my shirt off and bra so he could feel my breasts! I told him that was a lot farther than I wanted to go. And he complained that allowing the handjob means he should be able to do it. I refused to do it and he ended up getting mad at me!

I've always thought that handling a penis was a lot less serious than a guy touching a girl. I've never considered the act of doing a handjob for my own enjoyment would make me owe the guy anything. I'm curious what other people think!
   
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Re: Letting a guy touch your breasts - August 30th 2010, 09:46 PM

I don't think giving him a handjob requires you to let him do anything back to you. If you aren't ready then he should respect that, not get mad at you. If he keeps trying to pressure you into doing things you don't want to do then honestly you might want to think about getting rid of him and finding someone who respects you and will wait until you're ready.

I'm not sure whether or not it's less serious but if it's something you don't want to do then don't feel like you owe him anything.

Also, I just want to say that you did the right thing standing up for yourself, a lot of people just go along with things like that especially if they're being pressured into it


   
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Re: Letting a guy touch your breasts - August 30th 2010, 09:48 PM

I don't think you would have owed the guy anything just because you were giving him a handjob. I suppose he just wanted a little more, to see your breasts. I don't think he should have just assumed that he could see/feel your breasts just because you were giving him a handjob. I don't know whether giving a handjob is less serious than a guy touching a girl. I think it's tit for tat (excuse the pun).

You made it clear to him that you didn't want to do anything more than give him a handjob. So for him to get pissy was a bit pathetic. But heyho, don't let it affect you! I think it's wrong that he just assumed he would be allowed to do that just because you were giving him a handjob. If he was unhappy with you touching him, and him not being allowed to touch you, he could have asked you to stop! But I don't a guy would ask for that.

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  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Letting a guy touch your breasts - August 30th 2010, 09:49 PM

I think different things have different meanings for everyone, so where you might see the handjob as less serious he may not see it that way. I see a handjob as more serious but that's just my personal opinion and I think the important thing to remember is that you never "owe" anyone sexual things so you don't need to feel pressured into that. If you don't feel comfortable with it then you can always say no. I think you handled it well


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Re: Letting a guy touch your breasts - August 30th 2010, 10:42 PM

In my personal opinion, handjobs and fingering (since it's the female equivalent) are more serious than boob touch-age. They're just boobs. I like mine and I like when my boyfriend plays with them.

But I don't think you "owe" him anything when you were giving HIM a handjob to begin with. Certainly don't feel pressured to let him touch you if you're not okay with that. But how I see it is: your boobs are an erogenous zone that are less invasive if touched. I wouldn't go around letting everyone touch your hoo-ha. But I think you touching his genitalia is a bit more "serious" than him touching your boobs.

If you think you could warm up to the idea, maybe keep your shirt or bra on and let him touch you that way to get more comfortable.
   
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Re: Letting a guy touch your breasts - August 30th 2010, 11:06 PM

Boob touchage isn't and has never been a big thing to me. I actually love it so yeah =/



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Re: Letting a guy touch your breasts - August 31st 2010, 12:42 AM

you don't owe hm anything, but i don't see why bood touching would be a big deal in compared to a handjob. But regardless if you dont want him touching your boobs then thats your choice and he needs to respect that and be happy he is getting a handjob.... serious any other guys out there that would complain??? thats just weird.
   
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Re: Letting a guy touch your breasts - August 31st 2010, 01:25 AM

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I've always thought that handling a penis was a lot less serious than a guy touching a girl.
Maybe it's just me, but I think that's quite a sexist attitude to have. Like it's okay for you to touch a guy's genitals because that's no big deal, but your body is too special and important for him to touch? Maybe I'm reading it wrong, but it sounds like you don't have as much respect for men as you do for women. And that doesn't seem fair.

I want to clarify that you definitely do not owe him anything nor should you let a guy touch you if you are uncomfortable with that. He didn't have any right to get angry at you. But I do feel like maybe there is a double-standard here that isn't fair. If you don't want him to touch you for his enjoyment, then why is it okay for you to touch him for your enjoyment?



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Re: Letting a guy touch your breasts - August 31st 2010, 05:48 AM

He obviously thought the situation was more intimate than you did. Just because he's a guy doesn't mean intimacy is meaningless to him. You should probably try to define exactly what such actions mean to both parties before performing them.


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Re: Letting a guy touch your breasts - August 31st 2010, 10:17 AM

Guy sounds like a dick, sorry for the pun and offensive language.

People have different barriers, he has no right to tell you where your barrier should and shouldn't be.
   
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Re: Letting a guy touch your breasts - August 31st 2010, 10:58 AM

It is only natural for a guy to want to go further with a girl when he's in a sexual situation with her like that, and first things first, very well done for standing your ground and saying no to him. Many girls can give into pressure from boys, for many different reasons and it can take a lot to turn them down, especially if the heat of the moment is rising.

I would say that girls touching boys and vice versa would be about the same in terms of seriousness, as there are also probably many other girls that feel the opposite way to you on that matter. Whichever way round it is done, it is completely natural, but doesn't mean that you have to leap into doing it, no matter what your age. It's about when you feel ready to, and when it comes to getting intimate with somebody, it is your comfort that is primary. If you feel uncomfortable with something they are saying / doing, you should be able to tell them and make them stop. As for this boy, he obviously didn't respect the boundaries to which you will go inside your comfort zone, and to get angry about it is just wrong. You'd be better finding a boy that would respect you, or learn to.
   
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Re: Letting a guy touch your breasts - August 31st 2010, 05:51 PM

I know I'm young and there is a lot I do not understand or know. I just can't get the "casual handjob" out of my head. I totally understand the not touching your boobs. It is your body and your decision, but how does touching a boy come up? I would have thought it would be a b/f. Did he ask you to or did you? I admit. I have never been with a boy. So just wondering. I hope it is okay to ask.
   
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Re: Letting a guy touch your breasts - August 31st 2010, 06:11 PM

I'm guessing the reason he got mad is because you gave him the wrong impression. Handjobs definitely are more serious, and since you were willing to do that for him I guess the guy got the impression you liked him or wanted to engage in mutual sexual activity. Basically instead you pretty much said "no, I'm doing this purely for my own enjoyment, I expect to touch you wherever I like but demand full privacy of my own body". The double standard is slightly sexist. A "casual handjob" would be the exact same as being "casually fingered", and I doubt you'd be too happy if any guy suggested that.

You definitely don't owe him anything, and him getting mad at you was a little silly. It's good that you didn't let him pressure you or anything and you handled the situation fine. But yeah, definitely more serious. Let him know your exact intentions next time.


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Re: Letting a guy touch your breasts - August 31st 2010, 07:20 PM

You pleasing him = You owing him? Guide him to lefty if he starts to do anything more or do the same thing again, but if you don't want anymore don't let yourself feel pressured or guilted into something, but i doubt you will






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Re: Letting a guy touch your breasts - August 31st 2010, 07:47 PM

Grabbing boobs are less serious as giving a guy a hand job. But it's essentially what you're comfortable with. If you find that him touching your boobs makes you uncomfortable, then he should respect that. I mean, hell, he's getting a hand job for cryin' out loud. He doesn't need more than that.



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Re: Letting a guy touch your breasts - August 31st 2010, 09:42 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Emilycox View Post
I told him that was a lot farther than I wanted to go. And he complained that allowing the handjob means he should be able to do it. I refused to do it and he ended up getting mad at me!
OMG

"Allowing a handjob"? As if it's a privalege for you?? Who's getting pleasure from that, you or him? You. And who gets pleasure out of feelings your boobs? Him. You didn't owe him anything. He owed you. You did right to tell him where to stuff it.




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Re: Letting a guy touch your breasts - August 31st 2010, 10:51 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Emilycox View Post
I wonder what people think about a situation like this. I was hanging out with this guy who I ended up giving a handjob to. He's just a guy I know, not a BF. So yes it was a casual handjob. While I was doing it he wanted me to take my shirt off and bra so he could feel my breasts! I told him that was a lot farther than I wanted to go. And he complained that allowing the handjob means he should be able to do it. I refused to do it and he ended up getting mad at me!

I've always thought that handling a penis was a lot less serious than a guy touching a girl. I've never considered the act of doing a handjob for my own enjoyment would make me owe the guy anything. I'm curious what other people think!
No it doesn't mean he deserves to touch your breasts etc, but giving a HJ is much more serious than touching your breasts. Breasts aren't even objects of sex!
   
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Re: Letting a guy touch your breasts - September 1st 2010, 03:03 AM

I personally think showing and handling breasts is less serious on the sexual scale than a hand job. Regardless, you don't owe him anything for giving him a hand job. It would have been nice, but you don't owe him, and to guilt you into trying to do it is an immature move.


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