Female Advice Preferred: My girlfriend is 18 and she's a virgin

[JimmyR]

Hello. This is Jimmy, and I have one huge problem. Let me explain my story, so you can judge from that. Well, my friend was dating this really nice girl 1 year ago, and they kind of broke up because of me. They were on a special day together, and he made some movie about how he f*cked her in the ass, and bragged to a lot of friends about it and I told her about those roumors (I knew she isn't that type of a girl), and she started arguing with him and they broke up. I've been typing with her on facebook for like 3 months before that, and after 1 full month of that fight she had with her boyfriend, she asked me out (well she asked me to sit infront of my building (I live in an appartment) and wait for her). She arrived, and because I've never had a girlfriend before, I was kind of shaking... uhm we talked about our lives at first I got to know her in real life better, you know it's not the same on facebook and in real life. I've told her things that I like her so much on facebook and in real life as well, I'm not shy. Uhm after 3-4 days since that passed, we've been intensionally talking to eacother on msn/fb (4-5 hours per day if more than that) and one day I brought up a chat with her after I sent her a photo from weheartit.com (type "love" in the search on that website, and you get my point) and I told her you know as a joke that we should be Friends with Benefits, and she at first asked me if I was serious and I replied with 'ofc I'm joking' but then I asked her again and she agreed. She told me that she would go for the kiss on the 1st date, but was afraid that I'd call her a whore... (strange.). She came to my appartment, and I was shy as hell. She told me to lay down and started you know doing some kissing with me (although it was my first time, I knew exactly how to do it) then I took her bra and her top off and I just played with her breasts and you know that was a hell a lot of a good experience for me.

Well, she made it clear that i was an one time thing, but later after 1-2 weeks I called her on a movie and we did the same thing 3-4 days in a row. Then she started seeing a guy I believe, and told me that she wanted us to just be friends and I coldly agreed although I loved her since the day she called me to sit infront of my building. It was 2 days before her birthday, and my folks were in a mountain so I had my appartment for 6-7 days only to myself. She came and we watched a movie those 2 days and on her birthday she was a bit drunk and she was playing some beyonce songs for me (the love songs) I knew that she meant something with those songs and that she waited me to kiss her but I didn't only because she told me 'only to be friends' I didn't wanna be a pain in the ass for her.

Well a day later, I invited her to my appartment and she came. I put a horror movie on (She's a horror addict) and we watched about 10-15 minutes of that movie, and we did it like in the 1st day, but this time there were only on under-pants both, and then she asked me slowly 'do you love me?' and I happily replied 'with all my heart honey, since the day I met you' and I told her what was this about, and she told me that she wanted us to start a serious relationship and I fucking was so happy I jumped a little (hehe not actually, but you get what I mean). Uhm, with every movie we watched things were getting more and more advanced.

I've came to the stage where she let me lick her (sorry for the vulgar words) vagina and she does the same for me (at first she told me that she didn't like it, but now she likes it..:P). She even told me that we had a nice foreplay going but only the big finale was missing, and I told her that I'm ready but she waved with her head for no. Well 1 week ago she came to my place, and we did the same as the last time but this time I got a pack of Durex condoms on the table and she looked at them and smiled. She wasted one by pulling it all out (hehe), and I let her put the 2nd one on by herself. She did it and layed on top of me (dick was on my stomach) and I started the talk about we actually doing it... She came up with some stuff like she wasn't feeling ready for it, it's like it wasn't her time... started talking about how all of her girlfriends in her class did it and lots of them felt pain. She somehow mentioned in a weird way that she was afraid because It would be my first time as well, and that I wasn't experienced and I just responded 'I could go on the street and pick up a whore for 50$ and I'll get the experience I need, but honey I wanna start it with you' and she just kissed me happily and layed on the side.

We talked about it and she told me 'you're not mad at me for not giving you it right, I mean if you wait for me It'll happen next year before school break (1st June). Now the thing is, my birthday is coming in November (the end of November) and I just wanna know if she'll be feeling ready by then, I mean how do I proceed with it, any ideas? I love this girl with all of my heart, and I would feel that she doesn't trust in my manhood if she refuses to do the thing at my birthday. I mean I can prolly say some phrases like 'honey, if you love me and you care for me you'll agree, it's even my birthday, make me remember it by something nice rather then a fight <3' but I seriously do not know what I should do.

On a side note, she's 18 and she has had 5 boyfriends in the past, and I'm 16 (turning 17 in November 25-30), and she's my first girlfriend.


Any help girls/boys? What should I do? I'd really want it to happen on my birthday, or even in new year 2013? :P

Too long;Didn't read: My GF's 18 and she's a virgin, and I'm 17 and she's my first girlfriend. We've done absolutely everything (licking eachother's genitals, I've even fingered her with 1 finger but only like 2 centimeters because she feels pain) but not the finale (sex). Any help? My birthday is on 30th November and I'm turning 17 then. How do I make her not make me wait until next year, but give me her virginity on my birthday? Thanks!

[Dark-and-Twisty]

She is not obligated by any means to give you her virginity! If she's not ready, then you need to respect her. You should not be pressuring her to have sex with you. Try having a little respect for women. Sex is a BIG step, physically and emotionally. There's a lot of risks to consider. Considering you're both virgins, STDs might not be a factor, but there's still pregnancy. Even if you use protection, no method is 100% effective. Maybe she doesn't want to get pregnant?

You're being rather selfish here. Think from her perspective for once. It doesn't matter how many boyfriends she has had. If she's still a virgin, then that shows she has respect for herself and body. There aren't a lot of 18-year-old virgins out there, so I think she should cherish her virginity and not feel obligated to give it to any horny guy.

DO NOT, and I REPEAT DO NOT, say, "If you love me, you'll do it." If ANY guy said that to me, I would leave him in a matter of a heartbeat.

[Melwirth]

Seriously? Ummmm I think you need to chill out a bit, Im not trying to be mean but if she wants to wait she wants to wait....Ive been dating my boyfriend for almost a month and we havent done any of that....Im 20 and still a virgin...its my choice and the fact that my boyfriend respects me and will wait for me makes me fall even more in love with him....when we talk about stuff like that and he promised he will never let things go to far cuz thats his job as a man to make me comfortable and not let things get out of hand, I almost cried (good tears) cuz that showed how much he really did love me and care about me. Be careful, lots of girls take this sort of thing very seriously and if you really love her you will wait til she is ready and not push it. Do everything you can to make her feel comfortable and loved. That doesnt mean it will happen any sooner but it does mean you guys will grow together more as a couple. I hope this helps

[Always *]

Her virginity is a personal choice. The fact that you want to try to MAKE her give you her virginity as, like, a birthday present I personally think is horrible. It makes you sound like a jerk who has no respect for her right to make a choice over what she does with HER body. It actually disgusts me that you think you have a right or a reason to make, coerce or otherwise convince her to do something she already said she doesn't want to do right now.

On the surface, there is a risk of pregnancy and STD's, but that falls into the category of risk assessment that one must acknowledge whether they have sex or not. But people also have to choice when it is right and with whom it is right. The frequency with which a person has boyfriends/girlfriends does not necessarily correlate with which the number of partners they'll have sex with. And it is HER body. Unlike Cream Cheese I am not looking at her withholding sex meaning she respects herself, I think it is fine to have sex with people as long as you aren't doing it for the wrong reasons (ex. for attention, to get someone to like you etc). But I think it is a matter of having the respect for yourself to have sex where and when you want to.

Regardless of all that, I think you really need to rethink what you are saying here. Realize how it makes you look (VERY VERY bad and shallow). It is incredibly wrong, to the point of being despicable, to attempt to pressure her into having sex with you. What do you want? The girl cause she is great? Or sex cause it's great? If you actually like the girl, she'll take priority over sex, and while sex can still be important, you should do her a favour and break up with her if you are so shallow as to choose sex over the respect you should have for your girlfriend. But seriously, you sound like a major jerk for trying to pressure her as much as this. Seriously, I quote:

How do I make her not make me wait until next year, but give me her virginity on my birthday?

. Think about what the hell you are saying there and realize how bad it sounds and think about whether you can be bothered to have more respect for her and if you can't, like I said, do her a favour GET OUT and let her meet a more decent respectful guy. She deserves to lose her virginity to someone who cares about her and respects her enough to respect that its HER choice to lose her virginity where and when SHE choices. It's not when YOU choose. SHE. HER DECISION. NOT YOURS. HERS. Sex has to be a mutual decision. And so far there is only one consenting party and you can't force her to say yes any sooner than she chooses. So respect that and get over yourself

[Age of Ignorance]

Guys, calm down. You don't have to say that what he has said is offensive; honestly, it's not offensive. He just wants to know how he can speed the process up. He doesn't want to wait; he's ready now. That doesn't mean you should all be ridiculously offensive to him.

That being said, you can't force someone to be ready. They will be ready when they're ready. Just take it how it comes, mate. It might happen before next year. Just be patient.

[L'Aviatrice]

Originally Posted by Age of Ignorance

Guys, calm down. You don't have to say that what he has said is offensive; honestly, it's not offensive. He just wants to know how he can speed the process up. He doesn't want to wait; he's ready now. That doesn't mean you should all be ridiculously offensive to him.

That being said, you can't force someone to be ready. They will be ready when they're ready. Just take it how it comes, mate. It might happen before next year. Just be patient.

Yes, it is offensive. It is offensive for a 16 year old boy to be so disrespectful as to act like he is entitled to a young woman and her virginity. Wanting sex rightthissecond is no excuse.


Original poster, the first three responders have offered you wise advice and I hope you consider it, for the sake of this girl you are seeing. Their answers pretty much cover what I was going to say to you, all I have to reiterate is, if you really do care about her, you will fully respect her decision to wait to have sex, whether it be with you or with someone else.

[Validity]

Haha lol, didn't read all the comments but I got the gist of it.

It's her choice, if she wants to wait you need to show her that you will wait. Losing your virginity isn't a rite of passage. And we enjoy a guy who respects our decision (DO NOT GUILT TRIP HER INTO IT) you'll lose her quick smart if you pull that shit!
Oh and, don't take advantage (I like that you didn't do anything when she WAS tipsy). Just, wait, I know for you guys it IS hard to keep it in your pants, but if you DO love her, than wait for her.

Jay.

[Melwirth]

Hey! So ok I did not mean to be offensive, I'm very sorry if I cam across that way, I just wanted you to understand what I was saying

[Adam the Fish]

OK, guys, let's calm down - disrespectful or not, all we're achieving here is arguing with each other.

You are not entitled to her virginity. Your post seemed to reflect ignorance of that fact, and now you know.
It is a mutual decision, you just need to wait 'till she feels ready.

[JimmyR]

Aha okay, I'm most likely selfish, well was until I read all of your posts. So should I try when we're at my place on my birthday to have sex with her, and if she refuses we'll just lay in the bed like the first 3-4 times we had fun and not talk about it until she tells me that she's ready... I mean how will she tell me that she's ready? Any signs... and we know eachother for about 1 year, but I've been in a relationship with her only 2 months and a few days now.

[Validity]

You sound desperate (just stating it, not dissing you), don't even ask her because then she may feel pressured. Like my ex, it was his birthday 2 weeks after he asked me this, but he was like of Jamie make a baby with me and I felt so guilty but I said no, we broke up that week. So, don't ask, just wait, she'll tell you when she's ready, do what you usually do and if she wants more she'll show you that.

Jay.

[JimmyR]

So she'll probably give me a sign when we're in bed next time that she wants to have more right? Uhm but can you give me some tips of what kind of signs girls gave you? I'm a pretty newbie here, and no I'm not desperate. I'll wait for her for even a year, but I don't really get what changes the fact if we're in a relationship for 4-5 moths or 8 months.

[Validity]

You will just no, girls when they want to make a point make it loud and clear buddy, oh, and ah, I'm female :P BUt, I'm bi. When I lost my virginity to a girl she told me she wanted it and she kissed me, a small one, I was the one (I'm sure I was the male in this role haha) pushed her down on the bed as I gave her tongue. Lol, good times, good times.

But, yeah, my point, she told me what she wanted. Don't be worried either when you get to that stage. You both will have likes and dislikes so maybe talk with her about erogenous zones. (don't know how to spell it).
Where she likes your touch, what gives her pleasure (just random pleasure since she wouldn't know what sexually woudl pleasure her). I'm not the best to ask about male-female sex, yet. Haha.

Jay. (you can PM me, I feel so restricted sharing with the world).

[JimmyR]

Thanks for the post HopeToCope. Anyother input on this one? Also I've talked with her before about this and she told me that she wanted it but was insecure, feeling not ready, feeling scared of the pain she'll have while doing it for the first time. And she also told me, that if this wasn't her first time we'd be already done it.

[Adam the Fish]

Well, maybe you want to talk to her and reassure her?

[Tigerlily.]

A lot of girls get scared about their first time because almost since we first learn about sex, we're taught that it "breaks our hymen" when in fact that isn't the case. Yet all too many girls, and guys alike, don't really understand it all. We're told that it will hurt, and that scares us. But the fact is, it doesn't hurt for everyone, and if it does hurt, it will get better with each sexual experience. I think you should have her watch this, that should explain it all, and I think you should watch it to. It'll educate you both, if you didn't already know, about the hymen and how it actually doesn't "break" or "pop" during sex. I know that for me personally, my first time didn't really hurt at all, and I'm not the only one. For most girls it does, but for some it doesn't. And you just have to reassure her that you think she's beautiful and that you'll go easy and be gentle with her. If it's hurting her and she tells you to stop, you need to stop, and you can let her know that you will.

[JimmyR]

Alright I'll have a nice chat with her in a few weeks, I'm expecting her this saturday for a movie in my appartment, but I'll just watch the movie I won't push it. If I see that she leans on me and starts kissing me thats a sign that she wants to get in bed and get the movie shutdown. So how will I know if she more than the regular foreplay that we have going?

[Dark-and-Twisty]

Like the others have said, girls make it VERY obvious.

I'm just adding this as a side note: I've never had a guy ask or push me to have sex with him. In fact, with the two guys I've dated, I was the one to bring up the "sex talk." The first one may have been an idiot, and the second may have been a douche bag, but at least they had that much respect for me. (Side note - I'm still a virgin to intercourse; I've never gone further than what you guys have done, though I've never given a blow job - just a few hand jobs). I had the opportunity to have sex once, but I didn't feel comfortable because I hadn't known the guy long enough. A lot changes in a few months! You need to make your relationship more than sex.

There's so much more to a relationship than the sexual stuff. Go hang out with other friends as a couple, get to know each other outside of the bedroom. Sex isn't everything. There are lots of couples who don't even do the stuff you've done. There are lots of couples who wait a year or two before having sex, and then there are still those who wait until marriage. If I were you, I wouldn't bring it up at all. She'll bring it up eventually. Let her make all the moves, that's what respectful guy would do. Yeah, so what if you have to wait 6 months or a year? If you love her, you'll wait as long as it takes her.

Because it's her virginity, this needs to be done in her own time. You can't push someone to want to lose their virginity, or rush them into doing it, and you certainly shouldn't put a date on it. Honestly if her having sex with you is more important than honoring her comfort and boundaries, you may want to rethink your priorities in the relationship.

I would say this is the time to sit back and let her take the reigns. You have made it obvious that you want to have sex with her; I can assure you she gets the message. The more you pressure her, or push the issue or ask her about it, the more anxious she is going to feel about it. So let her do what she is comfortable with. She will push for more when she wants it; you will know when she does.

If and when the time is right for her, be sure that you have proper protection in place. It can be very tempting to let hormones take over and push reason out of the way, but it's important to be safe from STDs or getting your girlfriend pregnant; it CAN happen on the first time.

[Always *]

My best recommendation would be to talk to her about it. But NOT in a "hey lets have sex way". Just in a what her expectations are or what ever and what her fears or hesitations may be. Don't make it about how you want to have sex and how she doesn't right now. Just make it a conversation about sex. And tell her that even though you want to have sex, when she feels like she MAY be getting ready you would like to revisit the topic and discuss it again, and then maybe proceed from there.

But for now, you'll have to accept that the answer is no. I don't think hauling her off to the bedroom is going to change it. She's not going to suddenly be like "yes" when up to very recently she was very determinedly saying no. You seem REALLY stuck on the idea that there is some way for it to happen SOON. I never heard you say she's refused for it to EVER happen. Just not so soon. And you really need to get over that particular idea from the sounds of it. So move on and have the respect to wait for her to be ready. As has been said, girls can be pretty obvious when they want it so just wait.

[Coffee.]

Thank you Adam for pointing out the hostility. Make sure we keep on topic of helping the user. We all have moments of weakness, and sometimes, we think through our own feelings rather than the feelings of our partners. The OP has come for help, not to be insulted, so make sure that we help him rather than just point out the flaws in his request.

Funny enough, this may differ from others' responses, but I would ask her as to-the-point as possible. I'm a very straight-forward person when it comes to sex, probably due to the fact I do a lot of sex education. I see no point in mind-gaming it, since this will get you nowhere but hurt feelings and/or confusion. A few months ago, I literally asked my partner "Would you ever like to try out prostate stimulation? Any anal fingering or anal/oral sex?" I ask things to the point because I do not want to try something against my partner's wishes. I got a straight-forward answer because I didn't try t mind-read or play games.

Basically, I'd say this. If you decide to use this, feel free to add your own voice/flavor with whatever pet names you'd like to insert, but for me, this is what I'd basically say: "I'm ready to take our sexual relationship to the next level. However, I respect you, and your wishes, so I want to know how you're feeling at this point. What do you want? What do you want me to do? Are you happy where you are, and if not, what direction would you like to go? Is sex (in your own definition as vaginal intercourse) where you'd like to go in this relationship? I, personally, would like to go into the direction of sex (vaginal intercourse, in your case), particularly on my birthday, since that would be very fun/awesome/sexy. If that's not what you would like, would you be willing to do something else for my birthday? Is there a time where you would like me to do something to you? Tell me what you want (insert sexy pet name or her name here)"

There we go. To the point. If she says no, respect that. But there's no point in not asking and expressing what you want out of the relationship. For the few months before my first time, my partner asked me a few times if I was ready. I said no. It was not awkward, we just did something else. Basically just ask.

[jenntasticxx]

why not try to TALK TO HER ABOUT IT? why not ask HER what she thinks? by the sound of it, shed comfortable with telling you when she's ready. Kissing does not mean she wants to jump into bed with you.