I'm one of those weird people that doesn't have a problem with ants in my room. The thing is, ants come, they pick up your waste, and when there's nothing left, then they fuck off. So, unless they're stealing something tasty that I want, I genuinely have no problem with ants.

Also, recycling doesn't go out until Monday night, so I haven't had a chance to get rid of my empty cans etc. since I got back from hospital. And, also, I move on Tuesday! It's awfully close now, I'm excited....

ok, so i thought everything was fixed and cool and fine, whatever you wanna say. my grandpa got me out of the house and away from my mom, finally, i thought everything was going to get better, but now i have to go back cause hes being a douche bag! hes power tripping and being completely (sorry to cliche the old 'angry teen' line) unfair. he claims that hes the 'parent' in the situation and that hes only trying to help. well, keeping me an extra 15 minutes on the phone when im supposed to be at...

im having all these thoughts about why i did what i did like why am i so unhappy why did i try to commit suicide. also why do i have a eating disorder why do i cut. why am i bi. why did my friend kill herself. im just so confused about everything going on in my life is it normal

So I haven't been to community work for about a month. I'm probably going to get a warning for breach sometime soon, but I'm waiting until I've moved to Manurewa (moving next Tuesday) then I'm going to organise with Manurewa probation to do it pretty much full-time and get it out of the way.

I reported in for supervision, it's all good, they guy has changed me to fortnightly reportings - yay, a vote of confidence from somewhere at least.

He asked all the usual questions....

#20 CanadianGirlsTalk
#19 IanH
#18 RayWilliamJohnson
#17 freddiew
#16 Mediocre Films

So today was uneventfully eventful.

I didn't do very much in the morning, in the afternoon I went with my mother and elder brother to the place where he was going to sit his restricted license. (In New Zealand we have three main license classes, Learner's - where you must be accompanied by somebody who's been fully licensed for at least 5 years and also display "L" plates; Restricted - where you can drive alone and only between the hours of 5am and 10pm - outside of those...

So, I find this song somewhat triggering (ED) and somewhat hopeful. Its so true, and sad, but its still pretty good. And it pretty much describes how I feel at the moment, so here you go.

Courage by Superchick

*I told another lie today
And I got through this day
No one saw through my games
I know the right words to say
Like "I don't feel well," "I ate before I came"
Then someone tells me how good I look
And for...

Keep forgetting to take painkillers for my wrist. Result? My wrist is sore and achey.

I still have the ringing in my ears. It gets louder and quieter but it's still there. I've had it for about three weeks now. Sometimes it gets really frustrating. Sometimes I hear pale music, or murmuring I can't make sense of. Not very often though.

I don't think the ringing is related to my illness. I do, however, think it has something to do with how I'm sleeping, and when I find...

Tonight has been super frustrating. Been fighting with my mom, just getting upset over anything. I tried to calm myself with lavender spray, helped a bit. But still felt just overal bad. So I then of course got a bad urge to cut, almost did (was so close) but I stopped myself. I am feeling a lot better now. I am strong enough to get through the urges. I won't give up at least not today.

Eye-contact is a bitch. Right now, I pretty much struggle to do it - at all. I'm sure all the people that I'm only just meeting must think I'm strange, but when I'm low, or coming out of a low, I feel quite anxious in social situations, and making eye-contact actually scares me right now, it makes me feel excessively vulnerable.

On the bright side, I have a move date! It's most likely going to be next Tuesday (the 24th of July) and I just have to sort out some financial stuff with...