Half of me cares, half of me doesn't. I don't know how to do anything in school anymore, half because I'm a stupid fuck and half because I just don't care anymore, but then I get back my grades and remind myself just how much of a worthless failure I really am.

And half of me still just wants to take the pills, god dammit, if only I had the courage to they'd be swallowed right now. And still want to slice up my arms with the pretty new tool. Though I'm going to the YOUTH Forum event...

Hey, this is just a quick entry (I'm really tired) to let you guys know the outcome of my sentencing.

2 months community detention (electronic curfew) and 12 months supervision. Probably the best outcome I could hope for.

Anyway I'll type another entry on another day when I don't feel so shattered.

Source: Newsletter | Issue 43 | If you would like to receive the full quality HTML version via email please sign up.

TeenHelp Newsletter

TeenHelp Newsletter #43 - October 20th 2013 - http://www.teenhelp.org

Welcome to the TeenHelp Newsletter! Our Newsletter contains a lot of useful information about our current work, including updates to our site and services, work with our partners and affiliates, details of upcoming events, short bits of advice,...

Source: Notice | Facilitated Chat Room Discussions.


There are two scheduled discussions on the topic of self harm in the Chat Room for users to seek advice and share thoughts and ideas! The first discussion will be held at 8pm UK time (BST) and the second will be held at 8pm Central US time (CDT). All you have to do to take part is log into the Chat Room...

I want to write but I can't sort the thoughts out enough to get the words into any semblance of sense and it's going a bit quick, there's a lot happening, a lot in my head, JUST GO WITH IT, it's all pretty good I feel good I feel good I feel good.

I kept running instead of walking, what adults run? Run to DBT run around in DBT run to have a smoke run back from a smoke talk so much can't stay still positive positive optimistic I live I will live I have lived. Alive.

...

I'd heard of Amanda Todd before, but I never really knew her story. I am on the verge of tears. I want nothing more than to give her a hug.
But along with this desperate compassion, I'm so angry. There is a burning rage at the people that made this girl, this poor girl, take her own life. I saw the teens react for it as well. People don't understand when they say "tell your parents, it WILL help" or "It DOES get better". It probably will help, it probably will get better....

Got back from school :/ I decided to make this blog because its a place to basically to whinge and moan about my life without annoying anyone.

No cigarettes today I can't now, my mum is home. I'm glad to say I'm genuinely not addicted, but just do it occasionally for the release. Its a disgusting habit, I know, but it calms me down. Plus, there are no scars on the outside.

My insecurities are really getting me down. Even half way through a conversation with people...

I'm falling apart.
I can't take this anymore.
Really.
I've lost J.
We're going to lose our house.
We're going to lose everything.
And I have no way of escaping it.
I have no possible way of leaving and just running away to somewhere new and nice and secure.
I just don't understand why I have to suffer this way.
Why.
What did I do to deserve this?
I don't understand.
I'm tired of crying.
I'm tired of looking at the white...

Uni's great don't get me wrong and I've met so many amazing people and have some really close friends but I feel so alone. I don't know how I can feel alone with so many people around me but I do.
I relapsed badly and my hips are quite infected and so painful but I feel so stupid and can't do much about it.

I don't want to be here anymore... :/

I'm riding a motherfucking roller-coaster, not sure if want, no way off . . .

So lemme tell you about my weekend. Because Friday it was . . . well it was fairly awful, and by the end of the day I felt sick as a dog, all nauseated and gross and terrible, so I had some toast and went to bed just after 6 PM. I stayed in bed until 10 AM on Saturday, then I had to get up and get ready for the wedding.

Oh yeah, my body did this awesome trick where is turns out Saturday was...