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I was doing so good. I was happy and confident, had no urges then all the sudden i want to cut up my skin hundreds of times. And feel so down. The night before last i couldn't stop crying, my mom was annoying me and all i wanted to do was cut. I distracted myself, drew pictures, wrote, and listened to music. It worked for that day. I didn't cut but i still have the urges. Starting to to think its better to give up.

I don't have a therapy appointment for another month. I just need...

So im still doing good. I haven't cut in 75 days, which is one day away from 10 weeks. 10 weeks ago i never would have imagined getting this long SH free. But i have and im proud of myself. I can make it past this. And i will. I have another therapy appointment in about a week. And for once i have nothing to hide. I like the new person i am seeing, so im actually looking forward to it.

I saw my friend L day before yesterday. The first time i saw her all summer. It was nice, being...

Tonight has been super frustrating. Been fighting with my mom, just getting upset over anything. I tried to calm myself with lavender spray, helped a bit. But still felt just overal bad. So I then of course got a bad urge to cut, almost did (was so close) but I stopped myself. I am feeling a lot better now. I am strong enough to get through the urges. I won't give up at least not today.

It's been so long since I posted a blog, nearly a month. I am doing... Ok I think. I was on vacation for about 10 days, and in the middle of my vacation I got really depressed and suicidal. It hit all the sudden, and I didn't know how to handle it. But luckily one of my friends was amazing and supportive. I am so greatful I had someone to talk to. I am feeling so much better. I'm not suicidal anymore. I thought I was going relapse with cutting but I distracted myself. And I am now a bit past 2 months....

My last day of school was yesterday. I have been really happy since yesterday. I missed being happy, and smiling.


As of the sometime last month i have been 4 months overdose free! I havent really wanted to as much. Im quite proud of myself.

Thats all i gotta say. Hope everyone else is doing well! <3

I have made it 20 days without SH. But i feel so triggered right now, stupid pictures on tumblr. Why do people post picture that are so damn triggering? I hadn't really had many urges for a while, but now i don't think so. Im gonna distract myself. Maybe i'll just give in. I don't really know what to do anymore.

I have 2 more days of school, so excited, but also scared. Scared because i know im gonna go back to cutting and being depressed and lying all the time.

I...

Can i have 1 full day being happy? Please. I'd give anything.
Most of my day has been fine, i was in an ok mood, went with my friend, actually had fun. But now the depression is setting back in. I thought maybe for 1 day i could be happy and have no urges to SH. But no. I just want to slice my skin over and over. Just this once i miss it so much, i just want to feel the pain that i deserve. I need to cut. The urges are getting too bad, i don't think i can handle it. Maybe i'll give in just...

Private entries cannot be viewed from this page. Click here to view this entry if you have permission to.