I renewed this blog.
I made it new, fresh, and strangely reminding me of white, padded rooms, which is not good 'cause those things scare me.
And reminds me that my sister is always saying to my mom in a non joking way, that she needs to get me into one of those rooms. How rude is that?
Anyways, since I last posted, I've given up on fear the obsession. It's more of a cannot forget this now.
Sometimes I wonder if I intentionally trigger myself of that, like smelling...

Wow that was fun, i spent most of my night pushing my drunk ass bf off me and holding my friend up. We had to leave the party earlier after an ambulance had to be called because we were climbing on the roof and a lad fell off.

I'm not really enjoying life at the moment, everything seems to find it's way of making me more depressed, i got home and my mom shouted at me for closing the door too loudly and then again for apparantly back chatting >_<.
Might just go and cut and...

Source: Notice | Facilitated Chat Room Discussions.


There are three scheduled discussions on the topic of dealing with triggers in the Chat Room for users to seek advice and share thoughts and ideas! The first discussion will be held at 8pm UK time (BST), the second will be held at 8pm Eastern US time (EDT), and the third will be held at 8pm Pacific US time (PDT). All you have to do to take part is log into...

So, I was addicted to cutting from 7th grade until 11th (I just ended my Junior year), but in January I went to the hospital for trying to kill myself. I went again in March because the week I spent in January didn't do much good and I tried to kill myself again, but this time I asked for help before I cut too deep. I have ugly scars all up and down my arms and legs and I hate them. I haven't cut since April, though, which is a big thing for me. Over the past few weeks, my dad and I have been...

I finally did it..messed up big time and now he's gone... >_<
I didn't mean to upset him like i did, he wouldn't let me leave but just went ahead and left himself...i'm so stupid. I should just get on with things but i can't, instead i just sit here and drink vodka and SH, i'm such a fail :/
I don't know what i was thinking when i thought things were finally starting...

I missyou alot Bryan..please come back yuur my life. I want to die because Im without yuu plz talk to me I cant take this pain i see people who are always happy and it makes me sick my friends even got over their exs but im still in love with yuu and i dont want to be if yuur not in love with me i wanna die and die i want to make a sucode attempt again....but this time..yuu wont be able to save me...because yuu dnt care...i love yuu.i wish yui would read this....i wish soneomne would text yuu this...text...

Its not me its you. All the lies and things yuu put me thruu.
Lets get the story straight yuu were a poision flooding thruu my vaons
and now yuue gone and Im no longer chokcing.
ITS NOT ME IT YUU!!!!!!
Yuu left me all alone..my heart stops I already know..
Im sick and tired of mister maybe yuu never going to catch me cryyy
yuu made this mess yuurself
im sick and tired of picking up yuur dirty little pieces
pick them up yuurself jerkk
...

Why won't it all just stop? Why do I have to feel so trapped and empty? Why can't someone help me? Why do I keep breaking down? Why am I sometimes fine and then sometimes rock bottom? Why do I want to kill myself? Do I have anything to live for? Will it always be like this? I want to cry again. I think I'm going to cry again. But I've cried so much today the tears won't come. I'm scared for tomorrow. I don't want to go out with that group. I'm scared they'll all hate me. I'm scared they won't talk...

I want to talk to Pete. He was nice and he listened to me.

I've been stranded again just as all the shit comes pouring back on me.

It's not fair. I feel stupid and selfish saying that but it's not fair that when I was seeing him I was fine and as soon as I stop I want to die.

But I've finished school. So I don't get to see him. And I don't know what to do.

I'm trying so hard right now. I just don't think it will even be enough. It seems like no matter how hard i try or no matter what i do life has a way of saying. Emma you're not good enough! Makes me wonder why i even try anymore. Makes me feel useless, worthless, stupid. I feel like a failure. Probably because i am one.

Meh enough about me anyway i just want to say thanks to everyone whos been there for me and stuff. I love you so much and i wouldn't have made it this far without you....