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Peer Pressure and Bullying Social pressure can take many different forms, including intimidation, bullying and even physical attacks. If you feel you could be a victim or perpetrator (who wishes to stop) of bullying, talk about it here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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My school's laughable anti-bullying stance - March 15th 2021, 02:20 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of peer pressure or bullying, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

In my classroom were a trio of designer-clad girls lording it over the rest of us, being mean and snarky to the extreme. The leader had a gold chained Chanel clutch bag that contained pens and pencils. I mean, come on! Costing no less than €4,360 in Monaco it looked as incongruous as it was a crass waste of good money!



Later in the canteen, she stuck her foot out as I was passing by, holding my tray that contained a variety of meats and dauphinoise potatoes. It smashed to the floor with me sprawled over it. Feeling a dollop of something cold and sticky landing on my neck, I looked up to see my antagonist leering nastily. Instead of punching her lights out, and believe me I could have, I stood up and reordered my lunch. Everyone stared; not a sound could be heard in the canteen. Determined not to look glum I smiled back. And took the first available table. Thankfully nobody sat with me. My jacket had food stuck to it so I removed it and hung it on the back of my chair. At least the lunch tasted wonderful, even if I didn't.



I can take being sworn at and tolerate no end of teasing, but this was downright malicious. Later in the afternoon I was ambushed in the girl's rest room and spat at. Had I lived in The Hole I'd have easily floored all of them, but I've been having counselling for my combative reaction. I've been feeling better. It's all been down to having professional help that is ongoing.



That night with my sisters' guidance I wrote a formal letter of complaint to the Headmistress, requesting a reply. My letter was polite, but firm. Instead of an apology promising action, the Headmistress replied what my sisters described as 'almost offensive'. The Headmistress suggested I was a liar and that I 'should go about my schooling like my peers. And be normal'. I doubt the old bag would know what normal meant. But Wendi said the Headmistress is being paid off.



We discovered the bullies' parents donated several million euros to the school. This smacks of corruption. Had the Headmistress and school governors dealt with my eccentrics, their parents would stop making payments and their surnames removed from the school's limestone quadrangle.



Not to be perturbed, my sisters removed me from the school so I can work at home and enjoy a higher education, or, be sent to an independent school in Mougins. Except that would mean commuting by helicopter, but it's being seriously considered.


My sisters are already acquainted with the corruption that continues in Monaco and Monte Carlo, the centre area of our small country. So for the time being I'm going to continue schooling at home while they make thorough investigations through my dear lawyer, Leonardo.


I don't feel the desire to demolish supercilious people. Instead I'm having sessions and guidance from a professional and feeling so much better.



One day I will write an account of what life was like in The Hole. That will not be an easy read, let alone pleasant to write.
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: My school's laughable anti-bullying stance - March 15th 2021, 03:10 PM

Hi Tommy,

I'm so sorry those girls have done these things to you. That's definitely not okay. It's also not okay that the head teacher has accused you of lying given that there were obviously a great many witnesses to this particular incident. I wonder if anyone who was in the canteen would be able to back you up at all? Were there any other teachers there who might be able to support you?

I know that dealing with bullies is hard, and I think you're treated this all really well. I'm glad your sessions with a professional are helping you keep control of your emotions and reactions, although I appreciate it must be really hard to do that considering how you're being treated. I'm glad you've been removed from the situation and I hope whatever route you take now helps you to feel safe again. I know from first hand experience how much bullying makes school less enjoyable, so whatever happens I hope you know you're better than them. No amount of money or designer stuff makes bullying okay.

If you feel like there's some sort of pay off happening which means you're not able to get help at school, would you feel comfortable taking it to the police? As extreme as it might seem, if you're being physically hurt and nobody is doing their duty of care to stop that, it might be able to become a police matter. The good thing is, having a lawyer on side might help. Either way, I hope you manage to find a way past this.

Remember that bullies might have many reasons to treat people badly, but none of that means they're right to do so. You deserve to have an education which is safe and comfortable, and you have the right to report this even if people are being unhelpful right now. Keep your chin up and take care.



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Re: My school's laughable anti-bullying stance - March 15th 2021, 05:03 PM

I can't imagine what you must have gone through during your time there. It must have truly been quite damaging for you. It's very good that your sister took you in and made sure to give you a better, more well-deserved education. I think this is definitely what you need.

In regards to the bullies' parents donating large sums of money, I think situations like this give people self-entitlement. They feel entitled to do whatever they want and those on the receiving end, this being the head mistress, were at the mercy. I imagine her reaction to your letter had to be done not necessarily because she wanted to, but because she felt she had no choice. She sounds like she' being backed into a corner. Either she allows the poor situation at the school to continue in exchange for money, or the place falls into rack and ruin. It may be worth encouraging her to speak out about the ordeal, though I think it may be hard going. The choice between money and doing what is right is often quite difficult, if one is placed in such a situation. She must be quite desperate.

I can only hope that all those who've harmed you and others at that school are brought to justice. In the meantime, I'm glad you're continuing with your counsellor, she is very good.


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Re: My school's laughable anti-bullying stance - March 15th 2021, 11:22 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Everglow. View Post
Hi Tommy,

I'm so sorry those girls have done these things to you. That's definitely not okay. It's also not okay that the head teacher has accused you of lying given that there were obviously a great many witnesses to this particular incident. I wonder if anyone who was in the canteen would be able to back you up at all? Were there any other teachers there who might be able to support you?

I know that dealing with bullies is hard, and I think you're treated this all really well. I'm glad your sessions with a professional are helping you keep control of your emotions and reactions, although I appreciate it must be really hard to do that considering how you're being treated. I'm glad you've been removed from the situation and I hope whatever route you take now helps you to feel safe again. I know from first hand experience how much bullying makes school less enjoyable, so whatever happens I hope you know you're better than them. No amount of money or designer stuff makes bullying okay.

If you feel like there's some sort of pay off happening which means you're not able to get help at school, would you feel comfortable taking it to the police? As extreme as it might seem, if you're being physically hurt and nobody is doing their duty of care to stop that, it might be able to become a police matter. The good thing is, having a lawyer on side might help. Either way, I hope you manage to find a way past this.

Remember that bullies might have many reasons to treat people badly, but none of that means they're right to do so. You deserve to have an education which is safe and comfortable, and you have the right to report this even if people are being unhelpful right now. Keep your chin up and take care.



Hi Hollie,



I doubt the school's Headmistress has any scruples, or concerns because she's been there at least two decades and undoubtedly seen many much wealth covertly donated, so to allow the parents' progeny to do well academically even though their daughters were idle and liked being seen to be the top, most popular of all students so if any corruption had taken place, the Headmistress would have blithely carried on regardless.



I was judged by the brand of my bag, but the Terrible Trio failed to notice my fountain pen, a robustly built and subtly stylish Visconti Homo Sapiens Bronze Age. It's palladium nib enhanced my handwriting making each page of work be awarded top marks, and I only did well there because I worked hard. My fountain pen is a joy to use, though a student friend wondered why it never needed refilling. Its ink reservoir is enormous, I said. Just then the capped fountain pen fell to the floor. Those horrible girls tittered, thinking it had broken. Not so. My pen's lava casing is so tough that it would more likely break the tiled floor. I simply picked it up, unscrewed the cap 1/3rd of a twist and carried on writing.


There was no doubt some pay-off some pay-off had happened, but the police would have done nothing. All the powers are interested in is guarding our Prince who is very loved, and the security of the millionaires and billionaires who walk the streets in utmost safety. Leonardo said if my family were to have the school investigated, he is almost certain the high-ups would have a very robust reason and a watertight cover-up. He said it was likely any payment was likely made from the Bahamas through a third party and if that third party be investigated, would likely be found in some other tax haven, such as the Cayman Islands, so any investigations could take months to track down. Is it really worth it? Leonardo asked. I have to agree as did my sisters. Let them continue. I will be placed in another school.


I have no feelings about my bullies. I've encountered far worse, oh yes. Those girls may be rich kids, but are nothing but takers. Whereas I have a far better opportunity at going to a school that has a wonderful public reputation, a stringent zero tolerance to bullying and scores highly in academia.


If I start at this new school, I doubt I'd have missed out much of their curriculum because I've worked so hard. But for the time being I'm continuing in schooling at home on a temporary basis so that possibly I may be able to start this new school with Ted much earlier than expected, since Leonardo is visiting this coming weekend, bring Ted. Oh. Wow!


Thank you Hollie for helping me. You are and have been so encouraging!





Sarah, if you're reading this I'll be back sometime tomorrow and look forward to answering to you.




Um...26 Capchas was rather pushing it.
   
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Re: My school's laughable anti-bullying stance - March 16th 2021, 11:45 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rivière View Post
I can't imagine what you must have gone through during your time there. It must have truly been quite damaging for you. It's very good that your sister took you in and made sure to give you a better, more well-deserved education. I think this is definitely what you need.

In regards to the bullies' parents donating large sums of money, I think situations like this give people self-entitlement. They feel entitled to do whatever they want and those on the receiving end, this being the head mistress, were at the mercy. I imagine her reaction to your letter had to be done not necessarily because she wanted to, but because she felt she had no choice. She sounds like she' being backed into a corner. Either she allows the poor situation at the school to continue in exchange for money, or the place falls into rack and ruin. It may be worth encouraging her to speak out about the ordeal, though I think it may be hard going. The choice between money and doing what is right is often quite difficult, if one is placed in such a situation. She must be quite desperate.

I can only hope that all those who've harmed you and others at that school are brought to justice. In the meantime, I'm glad you're continuing with your counsellor, she is very good.



Trigger Warning: Suicide.



I felt good to have another session earlier this morning, during which I made a lot of notes. The lady printed off her session, and the previous, so I had a record of it. I liked that she slipped the papers into a plastic see-through folder. Now I have a permanent record of what she guided me with. I'm very pleased, but as always, after the session I felt drained. It's only natural she told me. Just take things easy. At my own pace. The lady is warmly friendly and listens. She makes notes, but has my complete attention. What I like about this counsellor is we have a very good client-professional, but friendly relationship. I feel I am able to tell her anything though she was affected when I talked about my best friend's death. We were in my bestie's room and talked to her about the hell we were going through. I tried to help her. Even had her on my lap as she wept. Then all I remember was turning away to get a book out of my bag when I heard a thump and a crack. I turned around and saw she'd hung herself. I tried to revive her. Then everything went black. I'd fainted.


Someone found us. Ted said he was with me until I woke. We cried together that night. He and I, we kept each other going. We cried, we hugged and hugged more. One night we met outside in the dark. (Everyone had their own bedrooms). Ted took my hand and we walked to the grassy area, lay on on backs and looked up the stars. We kept holding hands. The stars were everywhere, a silvery veil of stars, and a shower of shooting stars, the Perseids. It was as if they came down to surround us, but I was crying as was Ted. That night of August he took me in his arms and kissed me. He said he would always have my back. And promised me we would get out of this place.


I call him "Ted" because he's just like a well loved teddy bear. Longish hair, amber eyes, a kind smile. So gentle. I always felt happy and warm and comfy when he was around. He fought alongside me against the thugs. He's strong but gentle all rolled into one. The night of the Perseids we fell in love. People may say we were too young to fall in love. But they hadn't lived in this castle and what went on inside it.


Now we are free. Ted and I have a guardian in Leonardo. Ted is coming to stay with us, and it's going to be permanent. We, with Leonardo, will be a family. And one day, when the time feels right, Ted and I will be together. Until then, we are going to school, a new school, together. Ted's been having counselling, too. Again (he says), with a very nice lady. But when he moves to Monaco, my counsellor is hoping to take him on. Ted is coming this weekend. I'm so excited!


As I explained to Hollie, it is pointless pursuing litigation against this corruption that was in my previous school. This may seem unjust to you, but Monaco has a very different culture not only to Europe, but also other countries. Apart from being a tax haven, it's probably the safest place in the world. I will have something important to explain to Ted at some time, but since he is a very understanding guy, and non-judgemental, he is likely to take me as I am. Sorry I cannot specify what I'm referring to because this is a public forum, but even Wendi and Julie think as does Leonardo, that Ted will be level-headed and not feel at all uncomfortable. He and I were together for what felt a long time in The Hole. He knows me well enough even now. My parents and what mum left me, and Monaco's affluent lifestyle is something I conscientiously don't lead. I am what I am, and I have never changed except only for becoming a far better person thanks to my counsellor whose sessions, though very draining, are a very distinct guide that is eventually going to make me whole again.


Wendi said, and I quote. "I think happiness in life may ultimately depend on our ability to appreciate the small stuff."


This is Ted and me and, all of us. Now, I am looking at the future with a knowing smile. However terrible our past was, we are living in the present. And, going to be Family.


Life will throw mud at us. There will be climate change, appalling weather and social changes to the public as a whole. But when that happens we will stand strong.
   
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Re: My school's laughable anti-bullying stance - March 22nd 2021, 10:33 AM

Hi Tommy,

Thanks so much for reaching out. I'm so sorry that you had to go through such a tough time at school with those meanies.

Bullying is such a big problem on its own, but it's worse when the school doesn't take any action on it. It's very good that you are seeking help from your counsellor; I hope you've had a chance to talk to her about this.

However, you did the right thing by reporting the incident to the school. Don't let the outcome (i.e. headmistress accusing you of lying) ever deter you from standing up for yourself!! In this time and age, it's just so important that you feel empowered to stand up for yourself and your rights.

It's also nice to know that you're no longer attending that school and that you're now looking forward to moving to a new school with Ted. I hope you have a great time at the next chapter of your life!

Nothing is more important than mental health. I can see that you're working hard to remain optimistic in the face of adversity. Do remember to take some time out each day to unwind and calm down from all that's happening. You've been through a lot after all.

Take care


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Re: My school's laughable anti-bullying stance - March 27th 2021, 02:48 PM

Hey Mallika,


Since schooling at home is much better until we start our new school this September, Ted and I have been seeing a specialist man who gives help to war veterans who have PTSD. Last week, both of us related the brutal experiences that happened in The Hole. (That ancient building has recently been demolished and some of its staff are imprisoned awaiting trial.)


Prior to seeing this man, alone I saw my lady counsellor for what was an expected 50 minute session. This time the session was going to be a lot harder.


Allowing the memories to flood back, I went into what my counsellor said was a dream state. Can't remember the exact wording, and cannot remember what happened. But this lady helped me back to the present after I'd crawled across the floor to cower beneath her desk. I'd relived the hell. She helped up and all I remember was coming out of the memories shaking and crying for Ted.


can't talk any more. May be back later tto finnish thisoff.
   
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Re: My school's laughable anti-bullying stance - March 27th 2021, 03:51 PM

After my psychosis earlier I think it would be best if someone please close this topic.


Thank you.
   
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Re: My school's laughable anti-bullying stance - March 30th 2021, 07:08 AM

Hi there,

I'm so sorry to hear what those girls did to you. I can't imagine what you must be feeling because of it.

You did a wonderful job by reporting it, even if the outcome wasn't the best. If you ever need to talk, please message me.


   
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