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hurting myself is my addiction. *poss trig*
Posted October 10th 2012 at 02:34 AM by escape♥
Tags boyfriend, cutting, eating disorder, self harm, self hatred
Hurting myself is my addicition, like any other one. I’ve never done drugs, or drank alcohol or anything like that, but I still can’t stop hurting myself. If it’s not my eating disorder, then its cutting, depression, or it’s something else entirely. Not giving a shit about life, pushing the people I love away, isolation, whatever, I just can’t stop harming myself in one way or another. It’s been this way as long as I can remember…I literally HATE myself. Yes, hate is a strong word, and I mean almost every ounce of it. I remember feeling insecure about my body as young as the age of 5 or 6. I've always been unsatisfied with how I've looked or performed in anything I've done. Oh, I got a 98 on that extrememly hard math test? It wasn't good enough, it wasn't perfect. I never felt good enough, for anything. Why can't I make him happy, or me happy?
Oh well. Enough of that.
I’ve finally managed to have a good day today. I finally was laughing, and smiling like I haven’t done in so long. But yet, I’m still sitting here, 9:23 pm and I’m almost to tears. I don’t even know why, really.
I don’t even know what to write anymore.
Good day today. J Hopefully a good day tomorrow, too.
Oh well. Enough of that.
I’ve finally managed to have a good day today. I finally was laughing, and smiling like I haven’t done in so long. But yet, I’m still sitting here, 9:23 pm and I’m almost to tears. I don’t even know why, really.
I don’t even know what to write anymore.
Good day today. J Hopefully a good day tomorrow, too.
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